A Horse and My Rear End

“What’s that about a horse and your rear end?” You ask. Well let’s talk about it. 

In September I did a thing. I ventured out very spur of the moment into two separate half marathon length runs. Both, while pushing my baby in the jogging stroller. Mind you, I’ve never run that far ever pushing any of my babies before. So the feat once alone would have amazed me. But I ventured out, with so much excitement, not once, but twice last month to do so! I know, I’m strange. I actually LIKE running. No, no, I LOVE running! Anyway, all that said, two half marathon length runs give a girl a LOT of time to think. 

I love time to think. I love my running time because it’s one of the most intimate times of Gods voice speaking loud and clear to my finally still and quiet heart and mind. See, in the crazy hard work and striving of my run, it is there my mind finds stillness. And, in the still of my run that is where God can often best meet me—loud and clear! 

So I was thinking. And I was listening. And I was watching. I’m a huge believer in the fact that God speaks directly to us! We just need to believe that more and learn HOW to listen! There are seasons of wait and times that are more quiet, but I am also a believer in the fact that He wants to speak to us! Here are several ways to listen for Gods voice:

1. READ HIS WORD! He is always speaking through His word. It will never disappoint and it will always point us in the right direction! 

2. Talk to a trusted Christ following friend! His voice, through the Holy Spirit, can speak audibly through His Body in some of the most profound, encouraging and amazing ways! 

3. Get your booty to Church! This goes back to point 1 and 2, but in its own rite, going to church is not about being religious or expecting perfection or an experience. Instead, it is about giving yourself more opportunity to hear the Word of God and meet with the Body for edification and encouragement, to hear His voice! 

4. Pray and ask! Spend time talking TO God, asking for more of His voice, but also spend time just being WITH God, quietly waiting on Him to see if the Holy Spirit has something special for YOU! 

5. Let music refresh your soul. I believe there is healing and a transcendence about music that often allows our soul to quiet enough to hear Him! 

6. And finally, LOOK! Nature was created by God and by His Word everything was MADE! I believe He is using His Creation to speak directly to us always. 

I don’t share these insights lightly. My own spirit has craved his voice in this season I’ve been in. I long for more of Him! To feel and know His nearness anew. I pray you’re hungry for His voice too! I pray we never lose our hunger for more of Him! 

So, finally onto the part of the story where I talk about the horse…

I was running past a horse. It was the common tall, brown Lancaster county farmers horse. Nothing special or notable. But I did notice something. I noticed what looked like a mask over the horses eyes. From an initial glance it was black and looked like the horse couldn’t see anything. Immediately I thought about how uncomfortable the horse must be. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m  Lancaster county gal born and bred. And I know what this mask is for and what it’s purpose is. I’m well aware that the intent of the mask is to PROTECT. The mask is there SO THAT the horse does not become infested with flies or infected by them. I know that the fly mask is meant to HELP and keep the horse WELL. BUT, to an outsider, to someone who doesn’t know, who’s not been led to understand or made privy to the knowledge, to them it would look like a cruel and even inhumane torture quite possibly. Why cover the horses eyes? It even looks like they can no longer see well, if at all. It just seems uncomfortable and unnatural. But when you know the intent and purpose of the fly mask it all of the sudden becomes easy to see that it is out of 

Compassion 

And 

Love 

The fly mask is placed by the Master. 

Now I didn’t think too much more of it. After all, I was only on mile 4 and I had another 11 miles to go. So, on I ran. It wasn’t until, I believe around mile 10 or so, that the shadows began to shift, as the sun rose further into the September sky. As the shadows shifted I noticed my shadow. And there it was, bouncing-almost dancing on the road beside me. No, not my shadow alone, but a very specific part of my shadow came into view… it was  

My REAR END! 

You got that right folks. I do have a rear end. Despite being told numerous times throughout my life that this girl ain’t got any junk in the trunk, no baby got back, no——I got treble, ain’t got no bass… YES—in my shadow, I HAVE a rear end. Being silly but not being silly, I actually honestly got a little excited to myself like, ooh! Look! I have a butt! Ha! But now seriously, I started to think. Again, in the quiet of the run I had time to ponder. Why is it that so much FOCUS is put on the body. Yes men face it too, but I would argue as a female, we women have SO much more focus placed on our external appearance throughout life. WHY?! Why is it that our boobs are never the right size, our lips need to be more plump but our thighs jiggle too much? Our hair should be more flowing and full and our nails should never be undone. Why is it that our butts are never the right size—too big, too small, too this too that?! There is SO much FOCUS placed not only on the external for females but now we don’t even know what a female is any longer. Now the FOCUS is on the construct of gender, on sexual identity. There is So Much FOCUS on all these THINGS. At one point I was having a very difficult conversation with a friend who was a female but claimed to be gender confused and felt more like a 5 year old boy. She was also living as a lesbian, and she asked me a question that for her I believe she thought would be very very difficult for me to answer. She said, “If God asked you to surrender your love for Sean and be celibate and never love men, would you do it?” God has not asked this, but, if God asked that of us I would be willing to surrender even my sexuality and my preferences for His calling to be obedient. 

But WHY?! Why would I ever even consider doing that for God? Especially if it’s what makes me happy and feel good? Let’s dive a little deeper. Why and how would I just surrender my wants, my desires, my natural inclinations and follow and obey His Word? 

Well, first let’s talk about our FOCUS! First of all, let’s scale and dial things back a little bit. People in my family like to say, “back up the choo choo”. In other words, don’t get carried away! Our culture and society have spent years being OVER SEXUALIZED! Sex, sexuality, gender and gender roles, the body and what it does or does not look like is thrown in our faces constantly. Social media has amplified this! We see what used to be just billboards and magazines and the occasional ad’s on television, now on a tiny pocket-sized, hand-held device in our hands almost 24/7 shoving the same viper poison down our throats almost non-stop. I didn’t have to go anywhere special as a kid to be told things ranging from I was anorexic, a beanpole to that I had fat Zimmerman thighs (sorry all you other Zimmerman’s out there 🤪), to that I had no butt and pediatric size ears! EVERYTHING seems to FOCUS on the outward appearance! Everything seems to scream 

YOU AREN'T 

OK 

WORTHY 

ENOUGH 

LOVED 

But guess what?! God does NOT say these things nor focus nor want our focus to be on the outward! 

People judge by the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1st Samuel 16:7 

We can take great comfort, not only in any flaws insecurities or unmet hopes for our outward appearance being overcome by Gods love but also by His judgment. If He looks at us and judges differently, than I for one am SO grateful! He doesn’t PLACE HIS FOCUS ON my sexuality, my gender identity or my body. He judges and He looks at my heart! How comforting! How encouraging! How redirecting of my own focus!! He does speak to these things in His Word but His focus is ultimately on our heart and our relationship with Him! Everything falls into place as the heart prompts it all. 

So then, back to WHY… why would I surrender anything to God—even my sexuality or gender identity? The answer comes from the knowledge of and the trust in His great and unfailing LOVE and COMPASSION for me! Remember those words from earlier? From what I shared with you about the horse and it’s Master? See Gods word DOES provide boundaries, “fly masks” if you will. His Word lovingly and in kindness gives us warnings like, if you don’t wear this fly mask you might suffer immeasurably with disease, pain, hardships. But instead of the fly mask Gods Word directly addresses the hard topics of today. Like 1st Corinthians 6:18-20 

18Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

We see God’s WHY behind the WHAT when we look into His word. I encourage you to ASK God WHY He gives a law, a boundary or labels a sin you don’t understand. I believe He wants to speak to you giving you knowledge and understanding of the why behind the what! As a parent, I have made it a point to try my best to always do that for my kids. If I set a boundary or restrict them from something I don’t want them to be without the knowledge, the understanding and the WHY behind the WHAT. I believe, like a much better parent than myself, God too wants us to have understanding! Sometimes that understanding or knowledge is us simply but profoundly and humbly being able to “just” surrender and TRUST. To trust His love. To trust His compassion. To trust His kindness. To trust that there must be a reason WHY He “puts the fly mask” on certain things in this world for us.  

Are there things you’ve personally been wrestling with God about recently? Maybe it’s not the fly masks but maybe it is in general your desire to know His heart and intentions more fully. ASK HIM! And then do the work of listening intently in the ways I listed above! He WILL speak to you. I’m so sure! 

So there ya have it. The story of a horse and my rear end. If you made it this far, thanks for sticking around. I am going to try to be better at listening too ♥️ And following His nudges to WRITE again too. 

Blessings, 

Abi