Intimacy

Jesus wants all.

He does not just want a small corner of my heart or life.

He wants every piece of my heart and life to be fully vested in Him and His callings!

So how...

How do I create what He desires to create with me-intimacy?

Intimacy, when I consider it with regard to the deepest intimacy I have ever experienced, would be something like the context of my marriage.

Intimacy does not just happen on its own.

Intimacy is created. It is developed within a context of deep and abiding love. It occurs within the context of trust. It is created within the context of wishing to express trust and love.

Intimacy is woven deeply within the contexts of a Sacred unity. A oneness that is treasured and kept sacred. Sacred through uniqueness, through time devoted, through communication, through closeness, through vulnerability, enjoyment and pleasure and through the ability to trust ones devotion, ones motives, ones love.

How do we create this type of relationship with God, with Christ, with the Holy Spirit?

We have to cultivate a heart filled with trust.

The only way to do that is to KNOW God better.

The only way to do that is to READ His Word and Pray.

I desire intimacy with God.

But sometimes that also, for me, means much surrender and sacrifice. It often, for me, means giving up things I wish I could just involve myself in without care or cause for pause.

But because I desire to create intimacy with Christ, I have to pause and reflect often on the things I involve myself with or place before myself. Not always because something is "bad" but rather, because Jesus is "best" and instead of allowing myself to be distracted, sidetracked or drift slowly away I have to keep my heart single focused.

The single focus of an intimate relationship is eyes on that person alone. Again, I think of my marriage. Could you imagine desiring intimacy with your spouse and coming to realize all along their desire for intimacy was with someone else? How deeply hurt, confused, betrayed and wounded would you feel?

This is how God feels when we allow ourselves to be swayed by other loves. When our devotion is split between Him and the five other things we consider highly desirable and valuable.

I don't want my spouse to desire others to be intimate with.

I don't think God wants my heart divided either.

Yet sometimes, if I am honest, it is So difficult to be sold out-eyes set-single minded for my Jesus.

I have to be willing to say God is first!

If I desire intimacy with God, then I have to cultivate our relationship, water it, till the garden, plant the seeds, and water it!

And then, even when doubts creep in, I must CHOOSE to trust and believe the best in God!

Trust!

God, please develop deeper trust within our hearts that we might cultivate and develop an intimacy with You that is fulfilling, lasting and special! You are our love, our first love, the only love that satisfies! Thank You! I love you so much God! Please grow my love deeper still and help me continue laying aside the things of this world that wish to steal away my intimacy with You! You're worth the sacrifices! Praise you God for Your mighty love! In Jesus name, amen!

Blessings friends,

Abi

Indents...

This is a word I feel God literally IMPRESSED upon me a couple weeks ago. A word of spiritual insight for someone...

This is what happened to my knee (after only a few minutes) a couple weeks ago. As I sat for awhile over at middlecreek wildlife area and let the kids sit on top my me something began to take form, shape and place because of my positioning.

INDENTS...

When we sit on beliefs and thoughts and patterns of living for long times they begin to create grooves and marks and INDENTS...

When we initially sit up, straighten those legs and begin to stand on new ground in a new position there is pain. It hurts! There is no way around it!

BUT, we can trust that God is at work in and on us and allowing those indents to slowly fade and new fresh smooth places to be revealed again!

Keep trusting Him even when you can't see the changes right away!

Keep trusting Him even when it hurts!

He is at work!

Blessings sweet friends,

-Abi

My vision of The Lord speaking

Recently my YouVersion Read Through The Bible in a Year plan has had me through Exodus. Exodus is so deep and so deeply unbelievable... It has been amazing me lately, as I study these portions of scripture, just how many times God spoke directly, plainly, and with precise directions to Moses and the people and yet how on almost every occasion still they disregarded, completely ignored, disobeyed, forgot, and neglected to carry out Gods desires and orders. Even after He blessed, healed, protected, freed and fed the people, still they worshipped other gods, denied Gods goodness and power, and directly disobeyed His Word and directions.

As Sean and I pray and seek to know Gods will and call on so many areas of our lives we often spend time speaking TO God. When we do that, we also end up spending much time waiting and asking Him to speak TO us! More recently that has led to us ather often in our big decisions we are making, asking God to speak.

One of these times in particular recently I remember we finished praying and Sean said, "I just wish God would speak audibly, ya know?! Like tell us exactly what He wants us to do!"

It was during this that God gave me a very very brief vision and physical sense of what exactly that would be like to actually hear the audible voice of God-our Creator.

I cannot describe it very well in word, but I will try.

Immediately, a weight sat upon me. The intensity of the moment was overpowering and I felt as though I may die. His glory was too miraculous and supernatural to describe. His voice, like I've seen described as thunder, echoed throughout my being. My body felt stilled and yet trembling all in the same moment. It was like a fire overtook me. I could not stand it... I could not stand in the holiness of His presence.

And this was all in a moment.

Imagine if God had an actual conversation with us... Or tried to explain His plans and will to us. We would melt like wax before His holy presence. We would be unable to move or breathe for the immense power, goodness and glory He is consumes us!

I did not even want to share this with anyone but Sean because it truly was indescribable and overwhelming. But I've decided, I want to share it. I want others to hear what my heart needed to hear.

It is this...

So many times we beg God to speak.

We long to hear His voice.

To know His will.

To know His plans for us.

To walk a path we feel is drenched in darkness and to do so with more light upon it.

But God is saying this...

I am sparing you the gravity of all I Am, for it is too much for you to comprehend and too great for you to know. I want you to seek me in my Word and come near to me in the stillness of your quiet place and to trust my still small voice, to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and to get to know Him well! I am with you! I am speaking to you!

The Lord knows how even angels make men tremble. He wants us to walk so near to Him that we can hear Him even when all He does is whisper. If we choose to walk distantly from the Lord, even His shouts are muffled and unclear.

God wants us to hear His voice. His voice is greater than thunder though, so may we walk near, near enough to hear His whisper, near enough to know His promptings, near enough to feel His presence!

Have you heard Gods voice lately?

Blessings as we listen!

-Abi

New Living Translation (NLT)

Exodus 33

18 Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”

19 The Lord replied, “I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh,[a] before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose.20 But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.” 21 The Lord continued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. 22 As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind. But my face will not be seen.”

The Story behind the song, "I Belong"

Back around September 2013 God began speaking to my heart about ministering to women at somewhere like the YWCA in Lancaster. I had a vision of singing and sharing my heart and having other women sharing too. I dreamt of leading women closer to their Maker! I had reached out to some contacts at the YWCA of Lancaster though, and it was not seeming to be an open door. I also reached out to another woman and friend regarding this vision but to my disappointment, I did not hear back. I was

sad and disappointed, but God had other plans and He was still working. Flash forward 3 years and here I am leading worship once a month at the Good Samaritan Shelter in Ephrata. It is a Christ-centered homeless shelter for women and children. Everything about the dreams and visions God was placing in my heart have come to pass. It is beautiful. It confirms to me yet again that if you have dreams and visions in your heart it is God who places them there, so pursue them, work at them, and purpose to achieve them to His glory!

And, even beyond that dream coming to pass has been the most recent beautiful dream coming to pass of studio-recording my very own song... Now no full album yet, but it's a start! 

About a month ago now I received an email from my dear friend Lora, who works at the Shelter and was in charge of coordinating the upcoming fundraiser banquet. The email came through while we were at our daughters basketball practice. I only read the first few lines... something about key or keys and I immediately closed the email and prayed. "God, if she is going to ask me to be the key note speaker at the banquet please give me strength and ability..." Only to open the email back up and see something SO much more incredible and thrilling for me... And so much less anxiety provoking, ha ha! She was asking me to write a song specifically for the banquet which would become the background for the video for the banquet. She wanted it to include something about the word keys since this was the word God spoke to her heart to be the theme of the banquet. Although she did not know exactly what that looked like or why that should be the theme at the time, she ran with it. Following that decision, a woman living at the shelter went through a time of feeling completely unlovable, unworthy, and like she had nothing to offer. One of the interns, Hannah, saw a key ring sitting on the table in front of them and in order to drive home the message a couple of the ladies were trying to encourage this woman with about how she is made intricately and designed with purpose and intention and special qualities and beauty unique to her alone Hannah grabbed the keys and began describing very beautifully how every notch and groove in a key is made specifically to fit just the right door and all the pins have to fall just the right way for the door to actually unlock and open. After Hannah found out in the next couple days that Lora had chosen the theme keys for the banquet everyone was blown away at how God was beginning to speak. Lora reached out to Shane, who has graciously been a videographer for the shelter and was helping design the video for this years banquet, and told him all that had been happening. He then brought up the idea of searching for a song to accompany the video and theme. After that, Lora reached out to me. The rest is history! But seriously, I just LOVE this story and how God worked!! Here is a picture of the four of us last night after I had the blessing and privilege of performing the song live for the women and children at the Good Samaritan Shelter...

So back to when I received the email, I began praying and asking God to speak to me, lead me, write this song for these women on my heart... And so I began writing... I wrote a lot of poetry about this concept...the word keys and how we are designed intricately-like a key-with every notch and groove having a design, a purpose and that we fit in God-He is where we belong! (She had not used these exact words, but this is what God began speaking to my heart) 

And then I sat at my piano and as I sat, there was darkness surrounding the keys, but as I looked closer there was a space between the keys and a light shone through... And God spoke the opening song lyrics and melody to my heart: 

I was in a dark place 

A key without a door

'Till the Light broke through 

That Light was You

You shone Your beauty

You shone Your grace

You told me that I have a place where I belong... 

And then my heart began to worship! Not only do the women of the shelter need a place where they feel the belong, but so do I, so do we! We all have times we struggle with knowing where we belong or feeling inadequate, insecure, insufficient and like we don't fit in... But with God, we've been created BY Him and FOR Him! We belong in Him! So I sang the chorus: 

I belong, I belong, I belong, I belong

I belong in You, You are, You are 

My new song

You're the Door that I can open

The place to put my hope in

I belong in You, You are, You are 

My new song 

And then the next verses just flowed... 

With every notch and groove (like a key whose design can only fit just the right pins to unlock the door) 

You prove Your perfect love for me

Such love for me 

And I have found the place, the place where I belong

Where the lock is broken, I am set free (free from feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame, insecurity, doubts, fears, isolation--free to find peace, joy and hope!)

(Pre Ch, Ch) 

Bridge

I will trust I was made for You,

Made for You

I will trust I was made by You, 

Made by You (repeat)

Like a key that's found its door

My heart is open now

To all You have in store 

(Pre Ch, Ch) 

Maybe someone reading this today is feeling like you've searched and searched for where you belong. We try to fit in at a job place, in a career, in society, in our family, with friends, in a home, at church... But nothing can complete us like Christ can. We belong in Him! He completes us! He fills all the empty spaces that are left in our hearts in this life. Won't you consider making Jesus your Door you enter into and find the peace, joy, security and fulfillment you so long for?! 

Much love, Abi 

Holy Yummy Yeast-Free Pizza Dough and Pizza Recipe

Holy Yummy Yeast-Free Pizza Dough and Pizza recipe

4 cups all purpose flour
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 1/3 cup coconut milk (I'm partial to Goya Coconut Milk) 
Almost a cup of canola oil

Mix well, roll into a ball and then roll out dough on a flat and well floured surface. Cover with sauce (I'm partial to Francesco Rinaldi meat sauce) cover with cheddar and mozzarella cheese and sandwich pepperoni from the deli and top with Parmesan cheese, oregano, and garlic powder. 

Bake for about 8-12 minutes at 425* on a greased pan. This recipe feeds our family of 6 with leftovers! I LOVE serving pizza with applesauce and celery:)  

Enjoy!! 

If I Am Honest

If I Am Honest 

If I'm honest with myself, I make assumptions too. 

If I'm honest, I hurt people unintentionally too. 

If I'm honest, I yell and say things I wish I had not. 

If I'm honest, I fail. 

If I'm honest, I make mistakes. 

If I'm honest, I am impatient, rude, self-seeking, dishonest (though I pride myself on this being one I don't do often ha ha), unkind, envious, boastful (oops should I retract my last parenthesis?! Ha ha), I keep track of each wrong sometimes and struggle with letting go and not remembering (although it's somehow easy to forget so much else, like where I lost my car keys or my cell phone), sometimes I'm pretty easily angered (especially per time of the month-which I've been blessed to avoid for years now thanks to my good friend- "Nursing")...

And then hmm, always perseverant?! When it comes to marriage-love one has to decide to persevere... But is friendship different? Not
if we don't want it to last a lifetime. But, if like our marriages, we want it to last a lifetime, than we HAVE to make the choice to persevere through ALL circumstances. 

After my previous post on friendship pain several people reached out to me expressing very similar situations and pain when their best friendship was severed. 

That leaves me wondering, what are the most common building blocks of healthy relationship we are removing from one another that in turn cause a friendship to deteriorate? 

It also leaves me wondering how much of the friendship losses are mutual or how many are one person making the final choice to remove all possibilities of building or rebuilding a healthy relationship? 

So this morning I had one revelation after another... First it began with my own assumption gone wrong... 

First, let me backtrack. Yesterday Pastor Scott spoke about what he called, "dancing with the new woman" or essentially, staying in step
with the Holy Spirit. Staying in step with the Holy Spirit requires a quiet communion with Christ at all times. It requires a spiritual sensitivity to promptings, words, callings. And lastly, it requires a purposeful communion with God through reading His Holy Word! 

When I am doing those things and staying in step with the Holy Spirit I hear Him whisper when I am out of step... And I hear Him whisper to take steps... And I hear Him whisper to take breaks... And I hear Him whisper insights about Himself and also about myself!

Scott also spoke about how the Christian life is not only difficult, but impossible. That's the grace of God! He knows we cannot attain every Holy standard, but He loves when we humbly and intentionally seek walking in step with the Holy Spirit for help toward walking in His ways! 

If I am honest, sometimes life feels like a series of fiery messes. So I have to ask myself, what am I running toward? Hopefully, I am running toward good things and God! 

This leads me to this morning... 

After making an assumption of my sweet hubby, I quickly realized I had been wrong and had to apologize for assuming. Immediately that whisper started with humbling me and reminding me that I make assumptions too. 

When we apologize it is so important to remember that a genuine apology should not contain:

Blame shifting

The word BUT 

Or explanations 

A true apology should contain simply the recognition for where one went wrong. Taking a true apology a step further might even be the ability to say, "I'm going to work on that about myself!"

Then this morning as we are cleaning, the kids are watching Veggie tales and this conversation happens...

Bob: Ya wanna know what really hurts? 

Larry: When you stub your toe? That hurts like the dickens! 

Bob: No! What really hurts is when someone says they're you're friend but they don't treat you like you're their friend. 

Wow can someone say God is speaking?! 

But, here's the problem. It takes BOTH people in the relationship being willing to admit their imperfections, struggles and failures AND BOTH people being willing to truly walk out Godly forgiveness and toward restoring all the building blocks to a healthy and lasting relationship! 

So, here I am in the midst of so much heartache lately... 

First, the hurts of much heartache and disappointment within a lifelong friendship. Next, a frightful situation with someone who had become a family friend over the past three years, only to have her become extremely hostile toward me. Then in the midst of all that to have some extremely painful situations arise causing me to ask questions that are unbelievably painful and difficult. It has left me in a months time feeling very raw and broken. And yet in the midst of all the brokenness, God has, as He always is, been more faithful than ever before. I've been woken up at 5 am unable to sleep because of deep heartache and questions and concerns and as I literally begged Him to speak to me (as I've felt I needed to hear His voice more than I've ever needed to in my entire life) He has led me directly to scripture that not only soothed the soul, but encourages and built faith and spoke directly to that situation I am facing. Then I almost was in an accident and again I simply said, "God what do you want to speak to me in this?" And His Holy Spirit IMMEDIATELY spoke 

The exact word of comfort and hope He knew my soul needed! And again, I slept and He gave me a prophetic dream very very specifically to the situation weighing on me so much that when I awoke there was not a single shred of doubt that it was a direct word from the Lord for my spirit to give me peace, strength and hope facing this circumstance that feels much like drowning... 

He is a good good Father! He is so merciful and loving to me! He chooses to speak to my heart and believe the best in me even when I am the farthest from deserving. HIS great love and grace are what compels me to offer that same love and grace time and time again to others in my life who've let me down... Because time and time again, though I've let Him down and failed His perfect ways, He is so good to me! 

Who in your life deserves the kind of love and grace God has extended? A spouse? A friend? A parent? A child? A leader? A boss? A co-worker? 

Blessings as we go and walk in step with the Spirit today, living with intention and making the most of every eternal interaction! 

-Abi

Intention

Today I was blessed to lead worship at LCBC Ephrata alongside some of the most wonderful people. The message was very a powerful reminder for me with so much right now. It left me with several questions…

1. What direction am I heading each day?
2. What are my goals/intentions for each day?
3. Do I look at every interaction as eternal with a being who will outlast this moment?


So, to answer and further think these questions through for myself...
1. The direction I ought to aim toward each day is eternal.
2. My intention for each day should be to be able to answer the question what would a God fearing and GREAT ______ (fill in the blank) Do in this situation?
Wife
Mom
Daughter
Sister
Friend

3. Every human being has an eternal soul with beauty, value and giftings… Am I living my interactions through that lens of truth?

Am I being the kind of wife I want my son to look for someday? Am I being the kind of mom and wife I want my daughters to become someday? Am I being the kind of daughter I want my daughters to be? Am I being the kind of friend I want my friends to be?

God is so powerful, so loving and kind! He has such beautiful things in store for us! Sometimes His purposes are so unseen and His hand feels distant. But thank God we don't have to base our life off of feelings, we can base it off of truth! Truth is unchanging! Truth is freeing! Truth is uplifting and guiding and hope bringing!

God is a Rock unmoved in our circumstances that feel often so shifting, so rocked and moved and unstable and not secure.

My heart is thankful for His great love and power and the gift of the Holy Spirit He gives us to, as Scott said, “Dance with the new woman” the Holy Spirit is creating within me!

Be blessed

It's Been A Long Time Coming...

It's been a long time coming.

Almost two years, to be more precise.

Paint clothes on.

Stained and ripped jeans.

Dirt laden shoes.

A season of repairs. Rebuilding. Renovating. Work. Cleansing.

But it is almost done now. All the projects are almost complete.

It's taken a village.

It's been blood, sweat, tears, and money, oh and poison ivy too…

Yet rest, peace, blessing… It's on the horizon now.

It's been a long time coming. But the end is finally in sight.

A new season is on the horizon.

God is moving.

So yes, hopefully and prayerfully, we are too!

How Your Best Friend Becomes Your Worst Enemy...

How does your best friend become your worst enemy? By willfully choosing to remove the building blocks to a healthy thriving and lasting relationship. so what are those foundational building blocks?  

-trust

-forgiveness

-believing the best 

-healthy open communication 

-respecting boundaries

-resolving to work through conflict in a united manner

-equally yoked or "sameness" or at the very least the willingness to not fight or argue over the differences

This quote by Gary Chapman stuck out to me as this had become the pattern for how our relationship was going and I could not understand. But now I see she must be harboring hurt and anger which has turned into bitterness.

"When you allow hurt and anger to remain in your heart, they transition to bitterness. When bitterness remains in your heart, you tend to express your emotions with harsh, cutting, critical words that, in turn, make the situation worse. Do not let this be a pattern in your life." ~ Gary Chapman

Confusedaboutlove.com is talking about healthy marital love, but I feel it also applies to deep friendship... 

Some children suffer from emotional or physical neglect, abandonment or abuse.  If these psychological wounds are left untreated and unhealed, they may grow into adults who unconsciously re-create traumatic dynamics with their partners. The result may be vicious fighting or processing cycles that never seem to resolve. We call this the Traumatic LoveStyle. Others call it Traumatic Attachment.  People with this style usually require professional support to heal. (More information is available in our article, “Sudden Reaction Syndrome.”)

Recognizing her own brokenness has helped me in the deep hurt it causes that she has broken our relationship off and is unwilling to continue a friendship. I can find freedom from the pain because I can see that her heart has too much pain and cannot work toward healing our relationship until she heals the hurts within her own heart. Which leads me to pray. 

Jesus, I miss my friend. I miss the trust and fun and sharing we once had. Please heal her of the brokenness, anger, hurt, bitterness and deep wounds she has experienced so that maybe someday she might be able and willing to truly forgive and believe the best rather than assume the worst. And, if possible God give her a desire to forage a relationship that lasts. Help her to recognize her own brokenness and how it has affected our friendship too so that she can begin finding healing. Most of all, God I ask you to shift the spiritual forces working against and in her and allow her freedom to experience your great love for her! I long for a restored relationship but I know that this will never happen until her heart finds healing and ability to forgive and for her to be able to communicate openly. So God I ask in sincerity that you bridge the gaps and help her, strengthen her, uplift her and show her how-give her more of You. I pray that she begin longing-hungering-thirsting after You and recognizing that the emptiness and the space within her heart that feels so lacking and scattered is a place that desperately needs YOU! You're the only one who fills us, heals us and helps us! Bring her to Yourself God! I ask all this in Jesus name. Amen!