Relying Upon Him-He is ABLE

My heart on paper.

Some days I can feel so alone. Some days I can feel so inadequate, incapable, insecure. Feelings shift and change day to day, moment to moment. I'm thankful my feelings change. I'm thankful for being a creation made to experience different emotions, thoughts, feelings. Yet, managing my thoughts, feelings and emotions in a godly way is often a task that feels too high a call; too steep a climb.

I was excited and happy to have our first day of co op. Yet I knowingly was behind on some "tasks" "due" today or before. So, I was feeling a bit ashamed and insecure. If I'm honest, feeling rather incapable also. Raising four precious lives to know, trust and walk with God through their own journey is a big under taking. I do not for a moment take the responsibility lightly or without acknowledgement of the privilege and weight it brings. And sometimes, some days, it all just compounds and I feel "the weight of the world on my shoulders". But I try to trudge along. Picking up my weak and needy feet off the floor and foraging forward.

Today I was reminded of my desperation. My desperation for a God who walks WITH ME in my inadequacies and failures and in my weaknesses and struggles; He walks with me through IT ALL! I was reminded of the importance to cry out to Him! I love the song and proverb that go:

Lean not on your own understanding in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight... Don't worry about tomorrow, He's got it under control. Just trust in The Lord with all of your heart and He will carry you through!

This morning at co-op the woman in charge of co-op's prayer room shared the vision of trying to fly a kite on our own without wind. She shared how the little child may be very excited and may run and throw the kite high into the air expecting it to soar. Yet without the wind it goes only so far. But on a day with great wind the kite can fly and soar and go above all we've expected. Our day without the Holy Spirits help and guidance is much like a day trying to fly a kite without wind. We may be able to accomplish some, but when we invite the Holy Spirit to help He guides and supplies the flight/strength and ABLE-ity to our day! He is ABLE! This vision struck me also because the woman who shared it lost her husband in a sudden farming accident last year and now raises and homeschools her children "alone". But she has a Help, the Holy Spirit! I shed a few tears and again was reminded by My Helper-The Holy Spirit to NOT go it alone but to rely upon Him!

He is ABLE!

I pray that if you're reading this today and feeling like your kite is just too heavy or you just can't go it alone, that you know you don't have to! Invite Him in! He LONGS to go with you on this journey!

Love,
Abi

A Lesson In Faith and Hope

This blog post has been a long time coming.

Awhile ago Joeby and I were going on a "date"... As we drove away from the house, he looked up at the dvd player in the van (which had been known to us as "broken" for awhile now) and he said, "Mommy, lets watch a movie!" So, I told him, "Buddy, don't you remember, that has been broken for awhile now." He quickly responded, "I know Mom, but Jesus can heal it!"

My initial response was both shock and pride. My son's faith was strong and right on! Jesus could heal it!

So, without hesitation I said, "You know what Buddy, you're right! And Jesus loves when we have great faith and He works mightily when we step out in faith so let's pray together for Jesus to touch our dvd player." *mind you, this is not the first time we have prayed over "silly little" issues with our car in particular and we have seen amazing miracles in even the *silly little* things. My initial thought was, "Hey maybe God is using this as a time to show Himself to my son as he has such faith in His power!"

But, this time as we finished praying and I opened the dvd player up and put in a dvd there was no change.

Blank screen and blank faces.

This reminded me of a valuable life lesson.

What do we do when our God "fails" us or in the very least, "fails" to answer our requests?

Faith in our circumstances will almost always let us down and leave us with questions.

Faith in our God will always leave us with hope and filled with trust and joy and peace.

Sometimes faith is grown, tested and shown most in the circumstances when we have seen the least "answered" prayer. It is not always the times when we've seen the most miraculous happen, but when we have seen the least happening and still we hold unswervingly to the faith we have in Christ.

Hebrews 10:23New Living Translation (NLT)

23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

or this version

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

The most extreme example of this I've experienced in my own life has been when we lost Joeli. I feel sometimes like I'm always talking about her, but she has truly taught me so much I can't help but talk about the many things I have learned and ways I have grown through that time in my life. Anyway, when we found out we had lost her I remember being wheeled down that dark somber hospital hall and I felt bad for the nurse, because I didn't know if it would be awkward or not but everything in within my heart and soul was crying out to speak to God out loud in this dark time. So I asked her, "Do you mind if I pray out loud?" She said no and so I began just laying everything before God. I remember telling Him I knew He could even resurrect Joeli if He saw fit, but that I would trust Him and that ultimately I knew she was His and He has a plan even in this most difficult time. I told Him I would trust Him no matter what and my faith would not end in who He is and what He is able to do. Through that time my faith grew in unimaginable ways. I developed a fervor and boldness for the Lord. I grew in ways I know could have been accomplished outside of losing my daughter, but because of this time in my life and my desperate need and longing for Christs hope and truth I grew much. 

Sometimes the miracle is miraculous healing, and other times the miracle is holding on to our faith even when the miracle does not happen. I would argue, the greatest miracle is a deepening faith in the One who holds our very heartbeat in His grasp! 

And so, as all this was running through my mind I used this time as a life lesson for my sweet faith-filled son. I told him how sometimes God answers our prayers and sometimes He does not. But, He never changes and He is faithful to us and knows what is best for us and He loves us! So, when we face times of unanswered prayer, we can keep crying out to Him for miracles, but we can also trust Him when the miraculous does not yet happen that He is working on our behalf. And, we can lean in closer to Him for a deepening faith. 

And in telling my son these truths, it reminded my own heart to be aware. What am I putting my hope and faith in?

God, or circumstances?

So today, I want to ask you the same question friend. What are you putting your hope and faith in; God, or your circumstances? 

Much love,

Abi

T.O.H toh toh a word from God on perspective and vision

Tonight on my run I had a lot of time to quiet my thoughts and listen for God. It's one big reason I LOVE running. At about 1/2 into the 10 mile run I saw a banner that said 

T.O.H 

Toh 

Toh 

 in descending order. At the third toh my brain kicked into backwards mode and computed that what I was seeing was actually a banner from the wrong perspective... From the right direction it would have read 

H.O.T

Hot

Hot

Makes a lot more sense now doesn't it? At about 3/4 into my run I was still asking God to speak to my heart and write something on my "blank slate". That's when He spoke to my heart... 

When we don't look at His laws from the right perspective we can't make sense of Him or what and why He may be saying it. His word and His laws may seem confusing or no longer relevant to our society... But I would ask, are we looking at things from the right perspective? Maybe we need to ask God to help us adjust the way we are looking at things so we can see from His perspective tonight. 

After God spoke, I started thanking Him for opening my eyes and giving my heart vision to see what He is saying to me. And don't you know the next moment I was clasping my eye as the tiniest gnat flew in and clouded my view and made it difficult to even take the next step let alone finish my "race"... 

It immediately reminded me to stay humble and immediately reminded me of the scripture, "you were running a good race who cut in on you?!" Before when I would think about that verse I always envisioned like a big obstacle or person of much distraction and persuasion cutting in on me and keeping me from "finishing my race". Yet tonight I was reminded that more often than not, it is actually the inconspicuous tiny gnats that "cut in on us" and keep us from running a good race. 

So God said don't let it take for you to get to the final word Toh for you to finally see truth the way I see it. 

And God said, girl you better keep seeking Me, keep Running after me, keep Searching for my truth and humbly checking your vision that you understand my ways my words my heart from MY perspective and NOT your own!

It's funny but when God talks to me I often hear Him talking like a gal pal would... Hence the "GIRL you better";) line ha

Check your vision, ask God tonight, God what may I be looking at from my human limited perspective and need your help adjusting my sight and perspective on so that I can see truth clearly from Your way? Humble my heart and help me lean info You above my own understanding. Thank you for who you are and I trust and hope in You alone! In Jesus name amen!