Child...
Children...
They have such beautiful, unbiased ways of looking at things. They are completely unhindered in creative thinking. They are free to believe! They are hope-bringers! They have faith that is unmoved in the fetters of the breaking and crashing waves of ours; our shifting sand. They're not seeking the esteem from others that their view is right, but rather, they are in search of being heard at all.
As I sit and observe words tossed back and forth between "friends" this week, via the wonderful world wide web, namely Facebook, I am blatantly sickened. There have been some of the most horrific, self-absorbed, hurtful points spoken. It's so deeply saddening. We are so bent on being right that we are callously blinded to the fact that in our words we murder, brutally, those we call "friends".
We all think we're right. We think we've got the ultimate truth, as if we can even begin to grasp His ways. I don't leave myself out of this equation. I am guilty. I get very hung up on being "right".
Then, across my screen came something so beautiful.
It was not a point of view.
It was not a set of religious beliefs.
It was the moral conviction to LOVE. To share love, spread love, give love and live love. And do you know who brainstormed the idea?
A child!
Simplicity, fragility, vulnerability and humility.
Love...
You know where I think that develops and Who places this capacity within the human heart. Please take note this is not a question, but a statement. In fact, I believe we all know. Deep down somewhere within the caverns of our human existence is the very proof of our being. We are made. This imply's we have a Maker. And, most importantly we were MADE with purpose, passion, and that is LOVE!
Romans 1:20
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
I do believe we have been given a gift and from that gift we ought to desire, even thrive in, extending that gift one to another. Yet often, far too often, we are SEEKERS... we seek only affirmation, esteem, and glory rather than being EXTENDERS...offering humility, service, and giving grace and peace as the gifts they are.
John 13:34
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
My friend, may we share, give, and speak in love rather than in anger, pride, self-absorbed opinions and bitter thinking.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Come Lord Jesus, come! May your return be ever near, as our hearts grow faint within us, as we long for the time of Your return; it feels so long, oh Lord. Remind our spirits your promise and truth. Grant us peace and patience and hope and faith and LOVE!
2 Peter 3:8 and 9
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Each day make a joyful noise in this backWORDZ world. Choose to live life moment by moment in the extravagant love of your Father.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Truly, what is love?
Truly, what is love?
To most, love is offered after finding something worth "loving". It is offered in part, because of a selfish motive. That is, to love someone or something completely "lovable", with the desire to find joy in receiving that same "love" in return... or, if nothing else, simply loving for the sake of the joy in giving to someone/something worthy.
Today I have several friends who want to "give up". I too, have wanted to "give up". But, I'm so grateful for the true friends and truth bringers in my life who continued in prayer and encouragement in the biggest commitment in my life here and now, my marriage. Because, without those people in my life, I may have still been seeking the aforementioned desire to seek only after offering love when it is "deserved".
Don't get me wrong, love should be fully offered and especially offered to those who "deserve" it and are completely lovable and sweet...
But, "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" Matthew 5:46
In a marriage it gets tough. It's not always sweet wine and chocolate and kisses in the sun. There are times where love is like war. But, as the song says, it's not, BUT it is, I will say again IT IS something worth fighting for!!!!
Just want to share with you some of my day:
Today, I was exhausted. Sean has off for Labor Day and we planned to go to visit my in-laws until Joeby started acting very sickly suddenly on Friday afternoon. He hadn't eaten breakfast at all but I thought it was teething since he had run a slight fever Thursday, and off and on he only ate a little. Anyway, it ends up the poor guy has tonsillitis and probable strep throat... He was up so much last night drinking fluids, and thank God for that because he barely ate or drank anything all day Friday. If he wasn't drinking fluids he was screaming and wailing around. Around what I think was three thirty Sades comes in the room and basically trys to lay on top of me. I tell her she's got to lay at my feet because Joeby was already beside me wrangling me up every ten minutes or so. But then I couldn't sleep because I kept worrying she would fall out of bed or that I would kick her. Then, at six AM Seana was awake and standing by my feet asking if she could watch the dog video. Needless to say, I was so exhausted, but I got out of bed because Joeby was then wide awake asking for a "pop" (freezie).
Now, I will share my thoughts...
Sean, sleeps in until around 8.
(He works extra hours at work and does Grad work for another Master degree and works PT as a counselor AND on top of all that he serves at the church...but I could easily overlook all that and selfishly want my morning to sleep in too, after all , it is the only morning I could sleep in too/either)
Sean gets on the computer, and while I ask him something, he is clearly too "busy" to even acknowledge my presence, let alone my question to him.
(I snap and say some pretty rude things instead of calmly and rationally explaining how his choice to ignore my question and my presence makes me feel and think.)
Sean mentions us maybe, "taking turns" napping today so that we can each get a nap. While I'm laying Joeby down he goes to catch a nap. I don't get my turn, but then again, I didn't ask for it either. And I don't think he napped long...
(I could have mulled over everything I did and how tired I am today without remembering that during the week when I need help during the night he almost always is able and willing and still goes to a full day of work and is not at home to catch even a short nap or rest break while the kids have naps and quiet time)
Sean offers to make a run to the store for something a couple of us in the house need. I think I fully explain that I wanted a lot of it. He comes home with what I believe to be the tiniest container of it that Walmart must sell, literally. Really?! And then I look on the counter and see the juice sitting out of the fridge.
(OK, now, going on little sleep I'm about to snap... I feel the urge to start counting off in my head the list of things I'm frustrated and angry about...)
BUT, instead of all the negative things about to burst forth into an angry Creed-type song in my head regarding all the frustrations I feel... I suddenly remember why the juice is out of the fridge.
It was left out because when Sean got home from the store he heard Joeby in the room screaming while I was trying desperately to get him to sleep and he realized he didn't have his juice/pedialyte cup and poured it and asked Seana to bring it back to me. I didn't even ask him to do that. He just heard the screaming and thought of how to help. And there I was, being angry that he TRIED.
See LOVE is not about loving because everything is perfect. It's not about loving because everything always is done to perfection or just the way I want or just the way I think it should be done. It's not about loving because I am always satisfied or contented. It's not about me.
It's not about loving the perfect one, it's about loving the imperfect one perfectly. I think that's a quote ;)
Well, close anyway, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Sam Keen
All that to say, I pray that tomorrow, as you approach the new day, that you will choose to look at your spouse, your children, your friend, your unkind co-worker, your annoying sister/brother, your nagging parent, and maybe even your enemy in a way that sees them as the imperfect person they are, but worth loving all the same. I pray that you choose to see life through a new lens, and their behavior, choices, and words in a new perspective. I pray that if you are struggling in your marriage that you reach out for help and support but that you don't give up-ever! I pray that if your spouse needs help that you walk beside them and pray for them to seek and desire that help. I pray that you know I'm here to listen, talk and pray.
LOVE IS WORTH fighting for!!!!!!
Just remember the question, "Truly what is love?". Choose to LOVE in truth, by putting action behind the words you have spoken and the words He has spoken over us:
Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
2 John 1:6
And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
Two great books I highly recommend:
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
And for him:
Samson and the Pirate Monk by Nate Larkin
Please also know that not all marriages come with the little irritations and I know that all too well after watching dear family and friends suffer horrible pain in their marriages with partners who treated them with little to no dignity and broke every promise and vow ever taken. These situations can only be worked through by miraculous grace of God and by His hand upon each heart involved. It is a very individual thing to work through devastating marriage issues and my prayer if you are in that situation is that you would seek professional help, support and guidance and that you would ultimately continue seeking God.
May His love be in and through all the "love" relationships we walk out in this here and now.
~Abi
To most, love is offered after finding something worth "loving". It is offered in part, because of a selfish motive. That is, to love someone or something completely "lovable", with the desire to find joy in receiving that same "love" in return... or, if nothing else, simply loving for the sake of the joy in giving to someone/something worthy.
Today I have several friends who want to "give up". I too, have wanted to "give up". But, I'm so grateful for the true friends and truth bringers in my life who continued in prayer and encouragement in the biggest commitment in my life here and now, my marriage. Because, without those people in my life, I may have still been seeking the aforementioned desire to seek only after offering love when it is "deserved".
Don't get me wrong, love should be fully offered and especially offered to those who "deserve" it and are completely lovable and sweet...
But, "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" Matthew 5:46
In a marriage it gets tough. It's not always sweet wine and chocolate and kisses in the sun. There are times where love is like war. But, as the song says, it's not, BUT it is, I will say again IT IS something worth fighting for!!!!
Just want to share with you some of my day:
Today, I was exhausted. Sean has off for Labor Day and we planned to go to visit my in-laws until Joeby started acting very sickly suddenly on Friday afternoon. He hadn't eaten breakfast at all but I thought it was teething since he had run a slight fever Thursday, and off and on he only ate a little. Anyway, it ends up the poor guy has tonsillitis and probable strep throat... He was up so much last night drinking fluids, and thank God for that because he barely ate or drank anything all day Friday. If he wasn't drinking fluids he was screaming and wailing around. Around what I think was three thirty Sades comes in the room and basically trys to lay on top of me. I tell her she's got to lay at my feet because Joeby was already beside me wrangling me up every ten minutes or so. But then I couldn't sleep because I kept worrying she would fall out of bed or that I would kick her. Then, at six AM Seana was awake and standing by my feet asking if she could watch the dog video. Needless to say, I was so exhausted, but I got out of bed because Joeby was then wide awake asking for a "pop" (freezie).
Now, I will share my thoughts...
Sean, sleeps in until around 8.
(He works extra hours at work and does Grad work for another Master degree and works PT as a counselor AND on top of all that he serves at the church...but I could easily overlook all that and selfishly want my morning to sleep in too, after all , it is the only morning I could sleep in too/either)
Sean gets on the computer, and while I ask him something, he is clearly too "busy" to even acknowledge my presence, let alone my question to him.
(I snap and say some pretty rude things instead of calmly and rationally explaining how his choice to ignore my question and my presence makes me feel and think.)
Sean mentions us maybe, "taking turns" napping today so that we can each get a nap. While I'm laying Joeby down he goes to catch a nap. I don't get my turn, but then again, I didn't ask for it either. And I don't think he napped long...
(I could have mulled over everything I did and how tired I am today without remembering that during the week when I need help during the night he almost always is able and willing and still goes to a full day of work and is not at home to catch even a short nap or rest break while the kids have naps and quiet time)
Sean offers to make a run to the store for something a couple of us in the house need. I think I fully explain that I wanted a lot of it. He comes home with what I believe to be the tiniest container of it that Walmart must sell, literally. Really?! And then I look on the counter and see the juice sitting out of the fridge.
(OK, now, going on little sleep I'm about to snap... I feel the urge to start counting off in my head the list of things I'm frustrated and angry about...)
BUT, instead of all the negative things about to burst forth into an angry Creed-type song in my head regarding all the frustrations I feel... I suddenly remember why the juice is out of the fridge.
It was left out because when Sean got home from the store he heard Joeby in the room screaming while I was trying desperately to get him to sleep and he realized he didn't have his juice/pedialyte cup and poured it and asked Seana to bring it back to me. I didn't even ask him to do that. He just heard the screaming and thought of how to help. And there I was, being angry that he TRIED.
See LOVE is not about loving because everything is perfect. It's not about loving because everything always is done to perfection or just the way I want or just the way I think it should be done. It's not about loving because I am always satisfied or contented. It's not about me.
It's not about loving the perfect one, it's about loving the imperfect one perfectly. I think that's a quote ;)
Well, close anyway, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Sam Keen
All that to say, I pray that tomorrow, as you approach the new day, that you will choose to look at your spouse, your children, your friend, your unkind co-worker, your annoying sister/brother, your nagging parent, and maybe even your enemy in a way that sees them as the imperfect person they are, but worth loving all the same. I pray that you choose to see life through a new lens, and their behavior, choices, and words in a new perspective. I pray that if you are struggling in your marriage that you reach out for help and support but that you don't give up-ever! I pray that if your spouse needs help that you walk beside them and pray for them to seek and desire that help. I pray that you know I'm here to listen, talk and pray.
LOVE IS WORTH fighting for!!!!!!
Just remember the question, "Truly what is love?". Choose to LOVE in truth, by putting action behind the words you have spoken and the words He has spoken over us:
Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
2 John 1:6
And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
Two great books I highly recommend:
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
And for him:
Samson and the Pirate Monk by Nate Larkin
Please also know that not all marriages come with the little irritations and I know that all too well after watching dear family and friends suffer horrible pain in their marriages with partners who treated them with little to no dignity and broke every promise and vow ever taken. These situations can only be worked through by miraculous grace of God and by His hand upon each heart involved. It is a very individual thing to work through devastating marriage issues and my prayer if you are in that situation is that you would seek professional help, support and guidance and that you would ultimately continue seeking God.
May His love be in and through all the "love" relationships we walk out in this here and now.
~Abi
Friday, July 27, 2012
Guess what I prove WRONG......
My dear friends told me the other day they had something to tell me. I was a little nervous wondering what in the world they were gonna "tell me". He looks at his wife, my friend, and he says, "You gonna tell her?" and I'm thinking oh boy, here we go... She says, "I was reading the Snapple lid the other day and I was thinking the same thing, but before I could say it he said out lout, 'Abi proves that wrong'." She continued, "It said,
Snapple Fact #831: Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
We guessed you probably laugh about 1000 to 1500 times a day"
It was funny, sooo funny, so of course, I LAUGHED ;)
I do, I laugh a lot. I always have. I don't think it's one of those "nervous" things. I almost always laugh out of genuine humor. I find humor in almost everything and basically anything. Sometimes I just kinda giggle, other times I full out crack up and most of the time I end up laughing so tirelessly I end up feeling like I may just cry.
There was a point in my life where I felt I may never find joy again though. There had been so much that had gone wrong. So much pain. Too much heartache. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to face it. Many many times I would have secret screaming and crying fests with God. After the kids were asleep, on the way home from a lone grocery run, after worship practice on my quiet drive home, in my mind and heart while I ran...I was crying out to God for healing, freedom and for His hand to work miracles. My heart was so heavy.
Job 8:21
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
Psalm 126:2
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.”
Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.
He promised me He would wipe my tears away. He promised me He would fill my lips with joy, laughter and praise. Sometimes, over the years, I could even find laughter in my deep sorrow. Miraculously that's just who I am wired to be. After this past couple years though and battling depression I realize now that I absolutely cannot remain "content in all circumstances" unless I continually pursue and work to continue in the truth. The truth being, His Word and saturating myself continually in it. And, the truth being, the promises are meant for future restoration not always the here and now for all who walk in His ways and do right in His sight.
See, God promises us something outside of laughter...
I want God to do something new in us today.
I want Him to teach us to recognize His desire for our hearts and lives. Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.Revelation 22:12 “Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done.
He has good in store for us! He plans to fill us with joy!
But He wants us to recognize and remember that looking to the here and now, to the death sweeped land, to the parched desert, to the worm eaten crops will never satisfy our empty weary souls. HE wants us to fix our eyes upon HIS FACE!!!
So, while laughter is on your lips, rejoice! But, if tears come across your face, lay on your drenched pillow and trust that the day is coming and will come when all that is wrong will finally be made right.
If you haven't laughed in awhile here's one from my husband and sister to make you laugh for today...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzVi-hCac8c
Let me know what you think ;) ;) ;)
Seriously though, if you haven't laughed in awhile--let me know how I can pray for you today.
Love,
Ab
Snapple Fact #831: Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
We guessed you probably laugh about 1000 to 1500 times a day"
It was funny, sooo funny, so of course, I LAUGHED ;)
I do, I laugh a lot. I always have. I don't think it's one of those "nervous" things. I almost always laugh out of genuine humor. I find humor in almost everything and basically anything. Sometimes I just kinda giggle, other times I full out crack up and most of the time I end up laughing so tirelessly I end up feeling like I may just cry.
There was a point in my life where I felt I may never find joy again though. There had been so much that had gone wrong. So much pain. Too much heartache. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to face it. Many many times I would have secret screaming and crying fests with God. After the kids were asleep, on the way home from a lone grocery run, after worship practice on my quiet drive home, in my mind and heart while I ran...I was crying out to God for healing, freedom and for His hand to work miracles. My heart was so heavy.
Job 8:21
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
Psalm 126:2
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.”
Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.
He promised me.
He promised me He would wipe my tears away. He promised me He would fill my lips with joy, laughter and praise. Sometimes, over the years, I could even find laughter in my deep sorrow. Miraculously that's just who I am wired to be. After this past couple years though and battling depression I realize now that I absolutely cannot remain "content in all circumstances" unless I continually pursue and work to continue in the truth. The truth being, His Word and saturating myself continually in it. And, the truth being, the promises are meant for future restoration not always the here and now for all who walk in His ways and do right in His sight.
See, God promises us something outside of laughter...
James 4:8-10
New International Version (NIV)
8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
There are things i have battled, myself, and also watched those dearest to me battle over the past few years that honestly, with hopes of not offending anyone who has suffered loss and death, have struck me more deeply and devastatingly than physical death. Don't get me wrong, when Joeli died (And even when many other loved ones I lost did) many things changed for me. Many beliefs and understandings were now different. But I can say, for myself, nothing affected me as deeply and painfully as other "things" that died. I guess you could say part of this is that from a young age I knew death was a part of life. But I never understood the deep pain it causes to see my family and close friends die in other ways and for myself to die in ways other than physically.
I ached for God to reach down and change circumstances and to breathe life again where there was now decay emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I was broken.
There was a time, there have been times where no laughter could be found upon my lips and joy was a distant memory in my heart. I will admit to a time of depression. It's unlike me and it's hard to go back to that point in my life and truly admit it. But, I personally believe its very healthy to recognize and acknowlege where we are, where we were and where we come from. It helps us grow. It makes us into new more aware and strong people. AND it can help KEEP US from falling back into old patterns, old habits and old tattered and stained ways. After all, if you don't know a shirt has a huge hole in the back of it of course you'd keep wearing it. But once you recognize, admit and know that shirt just isn't the prettiest thing under the sun, you typically start looking for a replacement shirt or wearing the one you know is clean and whole and well kept. That's how our lives have to be lived. In examining the condition of our inner lives and how that affects the appearance of and condition of our outter lives too.
Ecclesiastes 7:2-4
New International Version (NIV)
2 It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.
3 Frustration is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.
3 Frustration is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
I think what the writer here is trying to get at is basically don't focus on the joys and plentious times...but put yourself in the house of the dying, the parched, the starving, the lonely, the bitter, the hateful, the despised, the neglected, the weak and weary because that is where wisdom is gained. That is where a true heart of love is found. that is where growth occurs. And in doing that, in emptying oneself is where we often can find His promises true. We can rest our weary head down in the lap of a trustworthy Father, that one day all our toiling and sorrow and death both physically and otherwise will finally be over. It will be as it says in 1 Corinthians 15:54
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
I want God to do something new in us today.
I want Him to teach us to recognize His desire for our hearts and lives. Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.Revelation 22:12 “Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done.
He has good in store for us! He plans to fill us with joy!
But He wants us to recognize and remember that looking to the here and now, to the death sweeped land, to the parched desert, to the worm eaten crops will never satisfy our empty weary souls. HE wants us to fix our eyes upon HIS FACE!!!
So, while laughter is on your lips, rejoice! But, if tears come across your face, lay on your drenched pillow and trust that the day is coming and will come when all that is wrong will finally be made right.
If you haven't laughed in awhile here's one from my husband and sister to make you laugh for today...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzVi-hCac8c
Let me know what you think ;) ;) ;)
Seriously though, if you haven't laughed in awhile--let me know how I can pray for you today.
Love,
Ab
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I have a confession... many and often
I have a confession... many and often.
It is that I often hide away from confession. Many times it is REASON ONE: for my own lack of recognition of my sins or weaknesses or even out of a lack of willingness to truly examine, and I mean EXAMINE, myself and my ways. Lamentations 3:40
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.
If you are reading this and waiting for me to confess something to you here, in blogosphere-land, you are going to be disappointed.
This would be REASON TWO: for fear of appearances. Appearing imperfect or flawed or like someone who's fallen short. Who wants to fall short and announce it? Really!!?? Yet, Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and FALLEN SHORT..." Let's get real here folks, stop hiding behind the save face lie and start being real one with another.
I long for God to cleanse my guilt and shame and the evil of my ways. I long to be counted "Righteous" in His sight. I long for Him to exchange my stained garments for robes of white. But it's not following laws that will cleanse me. Romans 3:20 says, "Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin." See, His Word helps us to recognize our sins. It's like a spotlight and when we shine it into our minds and hearts and upon our lips we can realize where we are falling short of the beauty He longs to create in us. God does want us to confess our sins. But, I think alongside of that He asks us to recognize something else and confess it.
It is our desperate need, our hopeless state, our complete incompleteness without the Savior-Jesus-cleansing and healing and freeing us from the bondage of sin. Romans 10:9
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Yet along with that we are told in 1 John 1:9 that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Confessing our sins and renouncing them is about walking in ways that honor and bring glory to God. It's about seeing the standard He longs for us to walk in and the beauty He longs to create in our lives and hearts and the peace He wants to fill us with.
So ask Him,
Psalm 26:2
Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;
Recognize these truths,
Proverbs 5:21
For your ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all your paths. Jeremiah 17:10
“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Psalm 11:4
The LORD is in his holy temple; the LORD is on his heavenly throne. He observes everyone on earth; his eyes examine them.
And acknowlege this truth,
Job 7:17-1917 “What is mankind that you make so much of them,
Hebrews 10:36-38 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.For,“In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.” And,“But my righteous[g] one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.”
I would challenge you today with these questions: When did you last confess, truly confess, a sin or struggle to another brother/sister in Christ? And when did you last spend time examining and then confessing to your Maker?
If you're looking for inspiration today to motivate you to spending your time quietly with God--SO THAT as Anita says, His Word may be the floss to pick out the junk in your heart and life....you have to check out her inspiring story, the story of Anita Keagy: http://www.ambassadorspeakers.com/ACP/speakers.aspx?name=ANITA%20KEAGY&speaker=1441
Confessions are never easy, but they are always worth the work and challenge. And often times we see the beauty God can make out of the battle scars when we seek the Healer and His power to work mightily amidst our weakened state.
We all have confessions we could make.....many and often. Yet often, we do not make many, in fact, we rarely make ANY. So today, purpose to confess many and often rather than few and rarely.
It is that I often hide away from confession. Many times it is REASON ONE: for my own lack of recognition of my sins or weaknesses or even out of a lack of willingness to truly examine, and I mean EXAMINE, myself and my ways. Lamentations 3:40
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.
If you are reading this and waiting for me to confess something to you here, in blogosphere-land, you are going to be disappointed.
This would be REASON TWO: for fear of appearances. Appearing imperfect or flawed or like someone who's fallen short. Who wants to fall short and announce it? Really!!?? Yet, Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and FALLEN SHORT..." Let's get real here folks, stop hiding behind the save face lie and start being real one with another.
I long for God to cleanse my guilt and shame and the evil of my ways. I long to be counted "Righteous" in His sight. I long for Him to exchange my stained garments for robes of white. But it's not following laws that will cleanse me. Romans 3:20 says, "Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin." See, His Word helps us to recognize our sins. It's like a spotlight and when we shine it into our minds and hearts and upon our lips we can realize where we are falling short of the beauty He longs to create in us. God does want us to confess our sins. But, I think alongside of that He asks us to recognize something else and confess it.
It is our desperate need, our hopeless state, our complete incompleteness without the Savior-Jesus-cleansing and healing and freeing us from the bondage of sin. Romans 10:9
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Yet along with that we are told in 1 John 1:9 that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Confessing our sins and renouncing them is about walking in ways that honor and bring glory to God. It's about seeing the standard He longs for us to walk in and the beauty He longs to create in our lives and hearts and the peace He wants to fill us with.
So ask Him,
Psalm 26:2
Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;
Recognize these truths,
Proverbs 5:21
For your ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all your paths. Jeremiah 17:10
“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Psalm 11:4
The LORD is in his holy temple; the LORD is on his heavenly throne. He observes everyone on earth; his eyes examine them.
And acknowlege this truth,
Job 7:17-1917 “What is mankind that you make so much of them,
that you give them so much attention,
18 that you examine them every morning
and test them every moment?
Clearly, He is mindful of us. He gives us much attention. Let's give ourselves the same attention, our hearts the same examination and let's strive for the right type of beautifying today--the inner beauty--the heart.
- 2 Timothy 2:19
Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.” - James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. - Psalm 32:5
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin. - Psalm 38:18
I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. - Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. - Isaiah 59:1
Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.
Hebrews 10:36-38 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.For,“In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.” And,“But my righteous[g] one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.”
I would challenge you today with these questions: When did you last confess, truly confess, a sin or struggle to another brother/sister in Christ? And when did you last spend time examining and then confessing to your Maker?
If you're looking for inspiration today to motivate you to spending your time quietly with God--SO THAT as Anita says, His Word may be the floss to pick out the junk in your heart and life....you have to check out her inspiring story, the story of Anita Keagy: http://www.ambassadorspeakers.com/ACP/speakers.aspx?name=ANITA%20KEAGY&speaker=1441
Confessions are never easy, but they are always worth the work and challenge. And often times we see the beauty God can make out of the battle scars when we seek the Healer and His power to work mightily amidst our weakened state.
We all have confessions we could make.....many and often. Yet often, we do not make many, in fact, we rarely make ANY. So today, purpose to confess many and often rather than few and rarely.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Don't...
Don't be a "Don't"
Leaving the city today we saw many people along the streets. They were hot. They wore tattered clothing, whether it was the new cool "in look" or due to lacking, it was apparent...They were in need. Some of them looked so sad and overwhelmed. Maybe we read their faces wrong. But maybe we didn't.
So,
I prayed.
I asked God simply to, "Pour Your Spirit over this city..."
Sometimes it seems God doesn't answer prayers like this one. People still need Him. Desperately, people still want. People still hurt. People still search. People still ache. Where is the Spirit of God?
Then in hit me like a fierce wave.
WE are carriers of His Spirit. We bring the Spirit through the city because HE resides within us. His Spirit is strong in us and we sit and wait for HIM to move. We don't move. We don't speak. We don't help. WE don't pray. We don't support. We don't walk beside them. We don't do anything but expect everything.
He is within us, but we feel weak and powerless and helpless.
Why is that?
Could it simply be because we don't.
We don't believe.
We don't try.
We don't open our mouths and bring life.
We don't open our hands and bring sustaining grace.
We don't listen with an open heart.
We don't walk beside others while they struggle or we give up on them in their wandering.
We don't. So, He seems to "don't" too. He's waiting for us to DO so that He can reveal Himself true and His Spirit strong!
Be a Do-er.
Let's be more intentional about being willing to walk out the Spirit of God to others. Being His hands and His feet in humility.
1 John 3:23
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
Don't be another "Don't" today.
Leaving the city today we saw many people along the streets. They were hot. They wore tattered clothing, whether it was the new cool "in look" or due to lacking, it was apparent...They were in need. Some of them looked so sad and overwhelmed. Maybe we read their faces wrong. But maybe we didn't.
So,
I prayed.
I asked God simply to, "Pour Your Spirit over this city..."
Sometimes it seems God doesn't answer prayers like this one. People still need Him. Desperately, people still want. People still hurt. People still search. People still ache. Where is the Spirit of God?
Then in hit me like a fierce wave.
WE are carriers of His Spirit. We bring the Spirit through the city because HE resides within us. His Spirit is strong in us and we sit and wait for HIM to move. We don't move. We don't speak. We don't help. WE don't pray. We don't support. We don't walk beside them. We don't do anything but expect everything.
He is within us, but we feel weak and powerless and helpless.
Why is that?
Could it simply be because we don't.
We don't believe.
We don't try.
We don't open our mouths and bring life.
We don't open our hands and bring sustaining grace.
We don't listen with an open heart.
We don't walk beside others while they struggle or we give up on them in their wandering.
We don't. So, He seems to "don't" too. He's waiting for us to DO so that He can reveal Himself true and His Spirit strong!
Be a Do-er.
Let's be more intentional about being willing to walk out the Spirit of God to others. Being His hands and His feet in humility.
1 John 3:23
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
Don't be another "Don't" today.
Monday, July 2, 2012
My life smells like a... Dirty Diaper?
It's difficult to concentrate with the smell of rotten diaper poop beside me. Smell easily distracts and overpowers. Likewise, our life, as an offering, needs to be as a sweet smelling aroma. Take out the "trash" in your life and see the clean fresh aroma bring an air of freedom and clarity in your thinking.
You cannot "take out the trash" without exposing it to the light for a certain time. It has to "come out" to "be put out". So, share your struggles, your burdens, your weaknesses, your sins and be vulnerable. And, when you are shared with, stand in prayer and support and love of your sister/brother...not condemnation and pride.
James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
And I will share our family Bible memory verse this month: Above all else love each other deeply. Because love covers a multitude of sins. 1st Peter 4:8
Don't give God the offering of a dirty diaper life. Expose your "trash" to the light and be rid of it... and in doing so, experience the beautiful fragrant aroma of a life of sweet smelling offering to God.
Sometimes my life smells like a... Dirty Diaper? Yep, it does. So, now what? Let's work together to carry our trash to the dump station and leave it there....the foot of the bloody cross is messy--but He already knows that--He's ready for it, dirty diaper stench and all.
Love,
Abs
You cannot "take out the trash" without exposing it to the light for a certain time. It has to "come out" to "be put out". So, share your struggles, your burdens, your weaknesses, your sins and be vulnerable. And, when you are shared with, stand in prayer and support and love of your sister/brother...not condemnation and pride.
Philippians 2:1-3
Imitating Christ’s Humility
2 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
And I will share our family Bible memory verse this month: Above all else love each other deeply. Because love covers a multitude of sins. 1st Peter 4:8
Don't give God the offering of a dirty diaper life. Expose your "trash" to the light and be rid of it... and in doing so, experience the beautiful fragrant aroma of a life of sweet smelling offering to God.
Sometimes my life smells like a... Dirty Diaper? Yep, it does. So, now what? Let's work together to carry our trash to the dump station and leave it there....the foot of the bloody cross is messy--but He already knows that--He's ready for it, dirty diaper stench and all.
Love,
Abs
Whisper, LOUD...
My thoughts may wander through this post... So, I will begin with some questions.
Who speaks grace to you?
Who speaks love to you?
Who speaks peace to you?
Who speaks confidence into you?
Who speaks praise of you?
Who speaks gentleness over you?
Who speaks care and compassion over you?
Who speaks life into you?
Who listens to your heartbeating and the breath sustaining your lungs?
Who listens to your cries?
Who listens to your deepest longings, unspoken?
Who WHISPERS good loudly into your ear?
As a family, a few years ago we read through some of the Dobson parenting information and were struck by the encouragement to communicate about our family's creed. To kind of choose what it is we stand for and what it is we want to live for and be known for. I will share with you the list that Sean and I came up with several years ago. They encouraged their readers to narrow it to about 5 of the most important qualities we want to exemplify and teach in our household.
1. Love God with all your heart-be virtuous
2. Love the people God has put around us-be patient
3. Forgive others-be merciful, do not judge
4. Respect yourself-be self controlled
5. Defend those who cannot defend themselves-give unrestrained to those in desperate need
God whispers these virtues, these qualities into our hearts when we immerse ourselves into His Word, His Truths.
And as a mom, I have the direct privilege (and also responsibility) to whisper them into my childrens hearts, lives and ears. As my children fall asleep I whisper to them. I whisper words like, "I love you because you are mine...You are God's child...You are beautiful and what is the most important part of you to make beautiful, that's right your heart and how do you make that beautiful, that's right, by loving God and learning more about Him and hiding His Word in your heart" I have said these things so many times that now my girls are starting to know the response before I even finish what I am saying..."You are made by God and HE is so pleased with who you are...You are strong in Him...He will always be with you, sometimes we can't "feel" Him, but we can't base our life around "feelings" we must believe He is true and Truth and we must walk on even if through the darkness till we finally see the light...and He is Light and we WILL see Him on that great day". These are truths I whisper to my children. These are truths we live by. These are truths I work to exemplify.
Today, I wanted to encourage you. If you don't know God, or maybe you do "know" Him but He has seemed more like a distant image than an ever present help...lean into Him. His presence is felt strongest when we trust His Words and when we step closer to Him even when we "feel" farther from Him then ever. Let His Word whisper to your heart. If you are a skeptic, when you want to put your skepticism to the test I encourage you to watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMKOUzYeZ6A&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Furl%3Fsa%3Dt%26rct%3Dj%26q%3D%26esrc%3Ds%26frm%3D1%26source%3Dvideo%26cd%3D1%26ved%3D0CEAQtwIwAA%26url%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.youtube.com%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DZMKOUzYeZ6A%26ei%3DHKrxT6OKMM_l6gGb5omfBg%26usg%3DAFQjCNEYTDnwTYCpDdjX0_0b4qEnRbFKxw%26sig2%3DemH_VkVbi3DIH4yAWrc9ow I would love to hear your thoughts on this video if you have never seen it before :)
And, homework for this post is: If you haven't already done so as a family/couple, take tonight before bed (after the kids are asleep, if you have kiddos) and make a "family creed". Speak with your spouse about the 5 most important truths and virtues that you want to function, live and be known by. After you have done that, begin to whisper them to each other each day, each night and to your children, to your parents, to your friends, to your relatives, and to your acquaintances. Be amazed at the life that God brings to your heart through the life-words you choose to lavish upon others whether it's with no words at all, or in gentle whispers! Whisper, LOUD...
Love,
Ab
Who speaks grace to you?
Who speaks love to you?
Who speaks peace to you?
Who speaks confidence into you?
Who speaks praise of you?
Who speaks gentleness over you?
Who speaks care and compassion over you?
Who speaks life into you?
Who listens to your heartbeating and the breath sustaining your lungs?
Who listens to your cries?
Who listens to your deepest longings, unspoken?
Who WHISPERS good loudly into your ear?
As a family, a few years ago we read through some of the Dobson parenting information and were struck by the encouragement to communicate about our family's creed. To kind of choose what it is we stand for and what it is we want to live for and be known for. I will share with you the list that Sean and I came up with several years ago. They encouraged their readers to narrow it to about 5 of the most important qualities we want to exemplify and teach in our household.
1. Love God with all your heart-be virtuous
2. Love the people God has put around us-be patient
3. Forgive others-be merciful, do not judge
4. Respect yourself-be self controlled
5. Defend those who cannot defend themselves-give unrestrained to those in desperate need
God whispers these virtues, these qualities into our hearts when we immerse ourselves into His Word, His Truths.
And as a mom, I have the direct privilege (and also responsibility) to whisper them into my childrens hearts, lives and ears. As my children fall asleep I whisper to them. I whisper words like, "I love you because you are mine...You are God's child...You are beautiful and what is the most important part of you to make beautiful, that's right your heart and how do you make that beautiful, that's right, by loving God and learning more about Him and hiding His Word in your heart" I have said these things so many times that now my girls are starting to know the response before I even finish what I am saying..."You are made by God and HE is so pleased with who you are...You are strong in Him...He will always be with you, sometimes we can't "feel" Him, but we can't base our life around "feelings" we must believe He is true and Truth and we must walk on even if through the darkness till we finally see the light...and He is Light and we WILL see Him on that great day". These are truths I whisper to my children. These are truths we live by. These are truths I work to exemplify.
Today, I wanted to encourage you. If you don't know God, or maybe you do "know" Him but He has seemed more like a distant image than an ever present help...lean into Him. His presence is felt strongest when we trust His Words and when we step closer to Him even when we "feel" farther from Him then ever. Let His Word whisper to your heart. If you are a skeptic, when you want to put your skepticism to the test I encourage you to watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMKOUzYeZ6A&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Furl%3Fsa%3Dt%26rct%3Dj%26q%3D%26esrc%3Ds%26frm%3D1%26source%3Dvideo%26cd%3D1%26ved%3D0CEAQtwIwAA%26url%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.youtube.com%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DZMKOUzYeZ6A%26ei%3DHKrxT6OKMM_l6gGb5omfBg%26usg%3DAFQjCNEYTDnwTYCpDdjX0_0b4qEnRbFKxw%26sig2%3DemH_VkVbi3DIH4yAWrc9ow I would love to hear your thoughts on this video if you have never seen it before :)
And, homework for this post is: If you haven't already done so as a family/couple, take tonight before bed (after the kids are asleep, if you have kiddos) and make a "family creed". Speak with your spouse about the 5 most important truths and virtues that you want to function, live and be known by. After you have done that, begin to whisper them to each other each day, each night and to your children, to your parents, to your friends, to your relatives, and to your acquaintances. Be amazed at the life that God brings to your heart through the life-words you choose to lavish upon others whether it's with no words at all, or in gentle whispers! Whisper, LOUD...
Love,
Ab
Friday, June 22, 2012
Struggle...Battle...Wage War
Struggle...Battle...Wage War.
We all struggle. But do you see it as a battle? Do you wage war against your struggle or do you let it strangle you? I know at times I sit back and let it war me when I desperately need, instead, to strap on my armor and fight.
Talk about a struggle.
We all struggle. Each of us face a battle. But some of us have yet to confront the Goliath, to head-on face the enemy. Mostly because we haven't even identified it or acknowledged it as a battle.
What is yours? If you don't know, I would encourage you to spend today asking God to reveal to your heart what it is that He has strength to help you overcome. In that way you can take your stand and wage war against it. It's Biblical to ask God to examine your heart.
Psalm 26:1-3 (NIV)1 Vindicate me, Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord and have not faltered. 2 Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; 3 for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.
I happen to know mine pretty well, too well most times.
It's something I recognize in myself and I have been working on ways to overcome over the years. But it's tough. It's such a struggle for me.
Anxiety.
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
I know what God's Word, my guide, leads me to do.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
But it's so tough to do that. There have been several times, when quite honestly, my anxiety was absolutely and very literally paralyzing. In college it was so bad. A lot of the anxiety that wars me comes from my intense desire to do things/be "perfect". Grades, tests, papers it all had to be perfect...but of course it wasn't. So, that is where much of my panic came from in college. I wanted and tried so hard to get just the right grades and do everything perfect and when it didn't show I felt very panicked. If I were being perfectly honest I would tell you I feel kinda anxious even writing this because I'm sharing a deep and embarrassing battle for me and I don't like not having it all together or being "perfect" or as close to it as I feel I can possibly be. But who does/is? Why do I hold myself to such unreachable standards, goals and perceptions? I could share more horror stories from my said anxiety issue but I'll spare myself the embarrassment and you the belief of my sheer insanity:)
Psalm 139:23
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
I have I guess what they would call "Generalized Anxiety Disorder". Although I've never been "diagnosed". Aside from a text message from my now "counselor hubby". Sheesh, am I really admitting I have an anxiety disorder? I don't know, I sure don't want to say I am admitting it. It's hard to admit something is real because once you admit it then you are kind of forced to FACE it. Face the giant. Face the fear. Face the humiliation. Face the imperfection. Face the "failure". Face the possible scrutiny or judgement. I've never taken medication for my "symptoms". I've not really been under any therapy for it throughout my life. Although I often think about making medication or counseling a regular part of my life I just don't do it. I don't really know why other than my heartfelt belief in God and trying and working at being reliant upon God and His word and prayer. I take my life one day at a time and especially after losing Joeli I have realized that I often have to even take it one moment at a time. I've been working on giving myself a lot more grace. I tend to extend an awful lot of grace to my friends and family but not too much to myself.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
When I examine myself I think maybe that's why I just adore children the way I do. There's little to no fear of not measuring up to their "standards and expectations". Yet some of the anxiety I face is internal. It comes from no real source and is simply a feeling of heaviness and difficulty to breathe sometimes. It can come and go unexpectedly and once it rests on me it's hard to throw it off. I've learned different coping mechanisms for myself over the years that "help" or "lesson the severity" of my symptoms. Some of those techniques are singing and worshipping God, meditating on His Word and on His love for me despite my flaws, failures and imperfections, running, and breathing in very deep and slowly. I've also recently taken to "war-ing" this enemy. When I feel it coming on I try to be vigilant and catch it right away and cleanse and break the thoughts and feelings before they infect me.
No matter how I face this giant though, I know that it gives me an amazing amount of grace on others who struggle. I wish I had all the answers and I wish I didn't battle this issue. But, I do. So, I can sit and pretend I don't or I can face it and continue to work on overcoming it. Maybe I'll be "working on overcoming" it for the rest of my life but you can darn well rest assured I will not stop war-ing this freakin enemy till he's dead and gone. There are so many other "enemies" in this life that I have learned one thing for sure over the past several years of my life. I NEED others surrounding me and supporting me and loving me through my struggles and praying for me in my battles as much as others NEED me too! So, I guess my desire in sharing all this embarrassing information with the world wide web is to say that it's OK to struggle. But let's battle against the struggle together!
Galatians 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Ephesians 6:10
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Much love, many prayers and hope in Christ,
Love,
Abers
We all struggle. But do you see it as a battle? Do you wage war against your struggle or do you let it strangle you? I know at times I sit back and let it war me when I desperately need, instead, to strap on my armor and fight.
Talk about a struggle.
We all struggle. Each of us face a battle. But some of us have yet to confront the Goliath, to head-on face the enemy. Mostly because we haven't even identified it or acknowledged it as a battle.
What is yours? If you don't know, I would encourage you to spend today asking God to reveal to your heart what it is that He has strength to help you overcome. In that way you can take your stand and wage war against it. It's Biblical to ask God to examine your heart.
Psalm 26:1-3 (NIV)1 Vindicate me, Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord and have not faltered. 2 Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; 3 for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.
I happen to know mine pretty well, too well most times.
It's something I recognize in myself and I have been working on ways to overcome over the years. But it's tough. It's such a struggle for me.
Anxiety.
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
I know what God's Word, my guide, leads me to do.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
But it's so tough to do that. There have been several times, when quite honestly, my anxiety was absolutely and very literally paralyzing. In college it was so bad. A lot of the anxiety that wars me comes from my intense desire to do things/be "perfect". Grades, tests, papers it all had to be perfect...but of course it wasn't. So, that is where much of my panic came from in college. I wanted and tried so hard to get just the right grades and do everything perfect and when it didn't show I felt very panicked. If I were being perfectly honest I would tell you I feel kinda anxious even writing this because I'm sharing a deep and embarrassing battle for me and I don't like not having it all together or being "perfect" or as close to it as I feel I can possibly be. But who does/is? Why do I hold myself to such unreachable standards, goals and perceptions? I could share more horror stories from my said anxiety issue but I'll spare myself the embarrassment and you the belief of my sheer insanity:)
Psalm 139:23
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
I have I guess what they would call "Generalized Anxiety Disorder". Although I've never been "diagnosed". Aside from a text message from my now "counselor hubby". Sheesh, am I really admitting I have an anxiety disorder? I don't know, I sure don't want to say I am admitting it. It's hard to admit something is real because once you admit it then you are kind of forced to FACE it. Face the giant. Face the fear. Face the humiliation. Face the imperfection. Face the "failure". Face the possible scrutiny or judgement. I've never taken medication for my "symptoms". I've not really been under any therapy for it throughout my life. Although I often think about making medication or counseling a regular part of my life I just don't do it. I don't really know why other than my heartfelt belief in God and trying and working at being reliant upon God and His word and prayer. I take my life one day at a time and especially after losing Joeli I have realized that I often have to even take it one moment at a time. I've been working on giving myself a lot more grace. I tend to extend an awful lot of grace to my friends and family but not too much to myself.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
When I examine myself I think maybe that's why I just adore children the way I do. There's little to no fear of not measuring up to their "standards and expectations". Yet some of the anxiety I face is internal. It comes from no real source and is simply a feeling of heaviness and difficulty to breathe sometimes. It can come and go unexpectedly and once it rests on me it's hard to throw it off. I've learned different coping mechanisms for myself over the years that "help" or "lesson the severity" of my symptoms. Some of those techniques are singing and worshipping God, meditating on His Word and on His love for me despite my flaws, failures and imperfections, running, and breathing in very deep and slowly. I've also recently taken to "war-ing" this enemy. When I feel it coming on I try to be vigilant and catch it right away and cleanse and break the thoughts and feelings before they infect me.
No matter how I face this giant though, I know that it gives me an amazing amount of grace on others who struggle. I wish I had all the answers and I wish I didn't battle this issue. But, I do. So, I can sit and pretend I don't or I can face it and continue to work on overcoming it. Maybe I'll be "working on overcoming" it for the rest of my life but you can darn well rest assured I will not stop war-ing this freakin enemy till he's dead and gone. There are so many other "enemies" in this life that I have learned one thing for sure over the past several years of my life. I NEED others surrounding me and supporting me and loving me through my struggles and praying for me in my battles as much as others NEED me too! So, I guess my desire in sharing all this embarrassing information with the world wide web is to say that it's OK to struggle. But let's battle against the struggle together!
Galatians 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Ephesians 6:10
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Much love, many prayers and hope in Christ,
Love,
Abers
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
7:17
Every time I see the clock read 7:17 I am reminded of one of the most joyous spectacular days of my life... My wedding day! Only topping the charts beside the births of our beautiful kids Seana Jane, Sadie May and Joeby Ray.
7:17 Reminds me of the joy of that day...the flowers, the time in the upper room while my "Aunt" Rose did my hair, Beth did my nails and friends piled in to share in the joy. It reminds me of butterflies being released and the hillarious moments of that day...the leopard print thong (worn not by me mind you), the speech given by my sister, the loud YES I screamed out after we said the "I do's". There are so many fun, funny and charming memories I love looking back on.
Yet, the other day I was reminded of the importance of not just looking back and focusing on the "fun" of that day. But instead, remembering the commitment in that day. It is so important to look back and remember, ponder and hold dear the words I spoke, we spoke, on that very special day. Sometimes it's easy to just do things because they're "fun" and "easy" and "light"...but what about in the tough times, in the hard times and in the not so "fun" moments? In those moments the strength, power and fierce importance of those words I spoke with my lips must come to my mind and be held onto. Our marriage has been filled with so much joy and life and love. But I would be lying to say that it has not also been muddied with times of desperate hurt, loss, pain and at times yelling in frustration.
Sean and I are both strong, independent thinkers with powerful thoughts that often come out in powerful ways :) Our first year of marriage was filled with many times of joy, and anything we did we did it with intensity; we fight hard and we love hard. One particular "fight" we had (which we don't even know what it was about anymore) we both remember and it kind of cracks us up to this day. Sean told me, "You say one more word and I am walking out the door..." To which I boldly and proudly proclaimed, "Word!" After which he walked out the front door. I "let him go" and then got worried after several minutes of him not just coming back in. I really thought he would come back and it was all just a show. Not so! Like I said, we are bold, independent thinkers and that was just one example... Don't worry, it ended well after I walked outside and looked down the street and didn't see him ANYWHERE. I sat on the front step of our tiny one bedroom apartment in the rough neck of the woods crying... I called his best friend and asked him to try to call him and find out where he was. As I was doing so, he was apparently "sleeping" in our car after he'd decided to lay the chair back and "rest awhile". Fires me up a bit to this day to think that while I was worried I'd lost him forever he was calmly laying his head down for a rest. You know how men just hit the pillow and fall asleep in an instant, yup that's him. There I was intensely worried I'd never see him again and he was ASLEEP. Yup, it's a man's porrogative to find it rather easy to "rest" worries away while we often need to "blab" them away :) Anyway, eventually we talked it out and everything was fine. Thankfully God has given us the great ability to communicate deeply and openly even about the "tough stuff". It's one thing that saves our marriage in the tough stuff. Communication. But above communication, is Commitment. Which again takes me back to 7:17.
On that day we chose our wedding verse to be: John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." We have chosen to make daily prayer and Bible reading a part of our marriage and family life from day one. Together, with God as our guide we can do everything, bear everything, and love in all circumstances...but apart from Him we can do NOTHING! He has been the third chord in our three stranded rope. He has held us together when many things have almost torn us apart, or even when we have almost torn each other apart so to speak. We have not been anywhere close to "perfect" and in our weakest moments aside from the commitment we made before God and the "witnesses", we have failed. Our marriage would have broken into pieces had we not continually been able to forgive, walk in love, re-commit, and keep working towards a Christ-like love and commitment in our marriage. To be very deeply honest, we have had moments where it felt like the end, but for some reason God chose to allow us to be spared from that sorrow and to walk us back to closer walks with Him and to gently lead us to a closer walk together hand in hand.
And we do, we grow, we change and we develop into one. I think the saying, "two shall become one" is often so misconstrued in our Cinderella love story minds. It isn't that two fall in love and ARE then one...it truly is that you must WORK to BECOME one.
When I model my love after Christ's, I remember that often I must lay down the things I think I need or want. When I do so, I am able to see that I find greater joy and blessings than I ever knew possible in laying down my "life" to find a new "one-ness" in the life we then live hand in hand.
7:17 Reminds me of the joy of that day...the flowers, the time in the upper room while my "Aunt" Rose did my hair, Beth did my nails and friends piled in to share in the joy. It reminds me of butterflies being released and the hillarious moments of that day...the leopard print thong (worn not by me mind you), the speech given by my sister, the loud YES I screamed out after we said the "I do's". There are so many fun, funny and charming memories I love looking back on.
Yet, the other day I was reminded of the importance of not just looking back and focusing on the "fun" of that day. But instead, remembering the commitment in that day. It is so important to look back and remember, ponder and hold dear the words I spoke, we spoke, on that very special day. Sometimes it's easy to just do things because they're "fun" and "easy" and "light"...but what about in the tough times, in the hard times and in the not so "fun" moments? In those moments the strength, power and fierce importance of those words I spoke with my lips must come to my mind and be held onto. Our marriage has been filled with so much joy and life and love. But I would be lying to say that it has not also been muddied with times of desperate hurt, loss, pain and at times yelling in frustration.
Sean and I are both strong, independent thinkers with powerful thoughts that often come out in powerful ways :) Our first year of marriage was filled with many times of joy, and anything we did we did it with intensity; we fight hard and we love hard. One particular "fight" we had (which we don't even know what it was about anymore) we both remember and it kind of cracks us up to this day. Sean told me, "You say one more word and I am walking out the door..." To which I boldly and proudly proclaimed, "Word!" After which he walked out the front door. I "let him go" and then got worried after several minutes of him not just coming back in. I really thought he would come back and it was all just a show. Not so! Like I said, we are bold, independent thinkers and that was just one example... Don't worry, it ended well after I walked outside and looked down the street and didn't see him ANYWHERE. I sat on the front step of our tiny one bedroom apartment in the rough neck of the woods crying... I called his best friend and asked him to try to call him and find out where he was. As I was doing so, he was apparently "sleeping" in our car after he'd decided to lay the chair back and "rest awhile". Fires me up a bit to this day to think that while I was worried I'd lost him forever he was calmly laying his head down for a rest. You know how men just hit the pillow and fall asleep in an instant, yup that's him. There I was intensely worried I'd never see him again and he was ASLEEP. Yup, it's a man's porrogative to find it rather easy to "rest" worries away while we often need to "blab" them away :) Anyway, eventually we talked it out and everything was fine. Thankfully God has given us the great ability to communicate deeply and openly even about the "tough stuff". It's one thing that saves our marriage in the tough stuff. Communication. But above communication, is Commitment. Which again takes me back to 7:17.
On that day we chose our wedding verse to be: John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." We have chosen to make daily prayer and Bible reading a part of our marriage and family life from day one. Together, with God as our guide we can do everything, bear everything, and love in all circumstances...but apart from Him we can do NOTHING! He has been the third chord in our three stranded rope. He has held us together when many things have almost torn us apart, or even when we have almost torn each other apart so to speak. We have not been anywhere close to "perfect" and in our weakest moments aside from the commitment we made before God and the "witnesses", we have failed. Our marriage would have broken into pieces had we not continually been able to forgive, walk in love, re-commit, and keep working towards a Christ-like love and commitment in our marriage. To be very deeply honest, we have had moments where it felt like the end, but for some reason God chose to allow us to be spared from that sorrow and to walk us back to closer walks with Him and to gently lead us to a closer walk together hand in hand.
And we do, we grow, we change and we develop into one. I think the saying, "two shall become one" is often so misconstrued in our Cinderella love story minds. It isn't that two fall in love and ARE then one...it truly is that you must WORK to BECOME one.
Mark 10:7-9
New International Version (NIV)
7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,[a] 8 and the two will become one flesh.’[b] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
So, all my "love" fly's out the window like a broken winged butterfly when I have a bad day or a fight with the one I love...BUT, if I commit, re-commit and remember the very strong fierce powerful words I spoke on that joyous day I am reminded that I must CHOOSE to continue WORKING at "becoming one" with the man I chose to commit my life to in love. Is it fun and joyous? Yes, fiercely fun and enjoyable. But, it's a lot of work at times too and I need to remember the great importance of those words just as much as I remember the times of fun and joy.
Today, if your marriage is hurting or happy, if your heart is broken or whole, if your words mean much or little and if your love is like a heart or shattered like glass I encourage you to take a moment and remember that you have a beautiful choice to make... you can continue "working" on becoming one even in the tough stuff and also be reminded to guard the sanctity of your words in the light and joyous times too.
Be blessed, be encouraged, be challenged as you work to become one!
Love,
Abi
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
So, all my "love" fly's out the window like a broken winged butterfly when I have a bad day or a fight with the one I love...BUT, if I commit, re-commit and remember the very strong fierce powerful words I spoke on that joyous day I am reminded that I must CHOOSE to continue WORKING at "becoming one" with the man I chose to commit my life to in love. Is it fun and joyous? Yes, fiercely fun and enjoyable. But, it's a lot of work at times too and I need to remember the great importance of those words just as much as I remember the times of fun and joy.
Today, if your marriage is hurting or happy, if your heart is broken or whole, if your words mean much or little and if your love is like a heart or shattered like glass I encourage you to take a moment and remember that you have a beautiful choice to make... you can continue "working" on becoming one even in the tough stuff and also be reminded to guard the sanctity of your words in the light and joyous times too.
Be blessed, be encouraged, be challenged as you work to become one!
Love,
Abi
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
When I model my love after Christ's, I remember that often I must lay down the things I think I need or want. When I do so, I am able to see that I find greater joy and blessings than I ever knew possible in laying down my "life" to find a new "one-ness" in the life we then live hand in hand.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The Day My World Stood Still...
The Day My World Stood Still,
Was the day, the night really, when I first was told something is "wrong".
People ask me time and time again for advice, input, thoughts, and send me notes asking for prayer about their pregnancy concerns. So, I thought I would jot some of my thoughts down for the world to see.
In regards to supporting others through the death of a baby, whether it is an early miscarriage, a late miscarriage, an early infant death or any other "term" you want to use, THEIR CHILD DIED. They didn't "lose" a pregnancy, "give God an angel", or "need someone looking after them" or any other colloquial language. Just some brief overview for those of you who, unlike me, don't have a passion for anatomy and physiology and pregnancy development... The heart of an unborn child begins beating at only 4 weeks gestation and is visible via ultrasound as early as 5-6 weeks. The baby then begins to move, grow and form into the beautiful child he/she is designed to be. Joeli was not inanimate. She had every characteristic of a living, "born", child. She IS a child and she IS my child. My second BORN daughter. She was alive and then she died. She held and continues to hold the very special place in our family as being our second child, a daughter. She was cherished from the moment we knew we held life within. She was wanted and such a blessing.
Common mistakes friends and family make when dealing with "loss"/death of a child:
1. Not mentioning the child, their name, birth date, death date, or anything about the child.
Often this is done in care and not with malice, but it is taken to heart and is often mistaken for neglect or dis-concern or even worse for not acknowledging the deep suffering, pain and hurt the family is experiencing or even worse yet, for not acknowledging a child existed, that LIFE was within. Ignoring the "dates" in miscarriages can often cause feelings of isolation and loneliness in particularly the mom who is left to sort through her loss alone.
2. Unwillingness of others to remember or join in celebrating the memory of the child's life.
Sometimes this is done without thinking it through and is simply just the way some people cope/deal with loss of a child. I think the acknowledgement of such a deep pain for some can be unbearable or scary to know how to handle appropriately. So, they withdrawal for fear of their own reactions. However, this often leaves the family/friend feeling, again, isolated and alone in their grief. So, if for your own sake you must withdrawal, just tell the friend/family that you are withdrawing for fear of saying/doing something wrong, tell them you just don't know how to cope with your own feelings of hurt and loss and pain when you face theirs...it's OK, that won't hurt as bad as just not knowing why you aren't "present" with them in their grief.
3. Saying certain things wrong can hurt...but saying nothing at all hurts the family so much more.
Say something, acknowledge their pain, and just listen to their heart.
4. Certain phrases that are unhelpful: "You will have another one", "God needed an angel to tend His garden", "There must have been something wrong with the child, so God spared you", "You did something wrong and this is a lesson God must be trying to teach you", "At least it was early on....or, at least they didn't have to suffer...or, at least you never got too attached"....and the list goes on. Thank God I did not have to suffer hearing things like this often, but many of my friends have heard things like this after their children died and let me tell you these type of phrases HURT so much. Just sit and listen and know that NOTHING you say or do will make the pain go away...but acknowledging the hurt WILL help to hold us up when we feel knocked down.
5. Complaining about your children or saying things about death lightly (like on rough days saying, "Oh I just want to die" or "This is killing me") are other things that can really weigh heavily upon a hurting heart after the death of a child.
6. Letting your life "go on" in front of ours when you know we are hurting can hurt worse. You don't need to sit in misery with us, but be gentle and full of grace and be aware that your words, your actions and your lack of ability to empathize can lead us to feel very much more hurt. A way to help this is to take time to not share your joys and your good fortunes with us. We do want to celebrate with you, but we don't want to have to/or be expected to do it during our mourning and in our grief. Share our sadness and sorrows and we'll share your joys as God gives us grace to do....share your joys without fore-thought, and our sorrows only increase as the awareness of how deeply and truly empty we are begins to grow bleaker against the brilliance of your shining sunny day. Be aware of this in how you handle and what you say around those suffering death of their beloved.
7. In regards to being "nervous" in your pregnancies...Its probably best you don't share that with someone who's had a loss. We don't need to hear how "scared" you are. (And I don't mean friends and family dealing with very real health concerns can't share their struggle with fear....but I do mean the sense of "worry" or concern without any medical reasoning) We know fear. Often we've dealt with our own fears silently through our subsequent pregnancies. Will our next child die too? Will we have to face delivery of another dead child? Will we even be able to conceive again? Ours isn't a fear about if our child will have disabilities or problems...ours is a fear of if our child will even survive to breathe this air and see our face. We just want a healthy live child. Will our bodies fail us again? How would I cope with another death?
8. Last bit of advice would be: Don't forget about them and the baby that death stole from them. Send them encouraging notes, remember dates along with them (you have no idea what that means to them about the LIFE of the child, not just the death), and just be present with them in their grief. Offer support through hugs, phone calls (not just texts and emails--be present, I will say it again, BE PRESENT), and through just a listening ear. Some of my most encouraging friends are those who took the time to call me and spend time talking with me even still about how I am doing from time to time and year to passing year and asking me the tough questions like, "how are you doing really?" and who just sat and cried with me and those who just gave me a long lingering hug of sympathy.
9. Okay, I lied, one more thing...Everyone handles the death of a child differently so if you find something I have mentioned to be wrong or if you question it in regards to how you think your family/friend may respond then do them the favor and ASK them how they want you to handle their loss and how they best gain your support/encouragement. Don't assume or presume, just ask them how you can best come alongside them in their grief. Just you asking that question will tell them how deeply you do care!!!!!
Yes, every pregnancy and healthy delivery is a miracle...So, don't take your easy deliveries, cake pregnancies and healthy kids for granted. Don't yell at them so much. Don't talk about them like they're replaceable. Don't mention them like they're a burden or a stress. Are kids at times a lot of work and do they have behaviors that can cause stress? Yes, of course. But someone facing the death of a child does not know how to handle your discontentment in life and your stress and overwhelming life as a parent of healthy happy rambunctious kids. It's extremely disheartening and hurtful to hear all the complaining about blessings "we" only LONG for. (And don't think for a minute I haven't whined about my own kids and stresses at times, we're all guilty of it...but we do need to hold one another to a higher standard and stop playing the game of "it's okay to complain as long as it's done in a 'seeking support' kind of way...Sorry ladies/moms, but it's just not okay for us to whine and complain about our sleepless nights and whiny/bratty kids.) [instead of, "these kids are driving me nuts" We/I need to start saying things like, "I need prayer and encouragement to have a godly attitude and manner in dealing with my children when they act in ways that are disrespectful, overwhelming or unbecoming"] I'm just as guilty about "complaining" as anyone--but let's not remain in that attitude and mindset, let's rise above and let's be aware of how we are appearing to others, especially those facing infertility or child death.
Is sleep deprivation a part of parenting? Absolutely. But sleeplessness and sleep deprivation can also be caused by extreme grief. I remember our first year after Joeli died I often had nightmares or woke up in cold sweats as my body readjusted to not needing to use the milk it had stored up. It was so painful that even when I was exhausted I often could not fall asleep. Often all my mind would think about is how far along I would be at such and such a point and as my friends whose pregnancies mirrored mine began having their healthy happy babies the ache in my heart grew. I ached and longed for Joeli to be growing healthy within me and she was not. She was gone, forever. It's an ache like you cannot understand unless you've experienced it. I wish it upon NO ONE.
I have so many other thoughts concerning losing a child....but for now I must rest my heavy hands and lighten my heart a bit and spend time with the miraculous blessings God has restored my soul with.
Love,
Aberdabberdoo
Psalm 127:3
Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.
Was the day, the night really, when I first was told something is "wrong".
People ask me time and time again for advice, input, thoughts, and send me notes asking for prayer about their pregnancy concerns. So, I thought I would jot some of my thoughts down for the world to see.
In regards to supporting others through the death of a baby, whether it is an early miscarriage, a late miscarriage, an early infant death or any other "term" you want to use, THEIR CHILD DIED. They didn't "lose" a pregnancy, "give God an angel", or "need someone looking after them" or any other colloquial language. Just some brief overview for those of you who, unlike me, don't have a passion for anatomy and physiology and pregnancy development... The heart of an unborn child begins beating at only 4 weeks gestation and is visible via ultrasound as early as 5-6 weeks. The baby then begins to move, grow and form into the beautiful child he/she is designed to be. Joeli was not inanimate. She had every characteristic of a living, "born", child. She IS a child and she IS my child. My second BORN daughter. She was alive and then she died. She held and continues to hold the very special place in our family as being our second child, a daughter. She was cherished from the moment we knew we held life within. She was wanted and such a blessing.
Common mistakes friends and family make when dealing with "loss"/death of a child:
1. Not mentioning the child, their name, birth date, death date, or anything about the child.
Often this is done in care and not with malice, but it is taken to heart and is often mistaken for neglect or dis-concern or even worse for not acknowledging the deep suffering, pain and hurt the family is experiencing or even worse yet, for not acknowledging a child existed, that LIFE was within. Ignoring the "dates" in miscarriages can often cause feelings of isolation and loneliness in particularly the mom who is left to sort through her loss alone.
2. Unwillingness of others to remember or join in celebrating the memory of the child's life.
Sometimes this is done without thinking it through and is simply just the way some people cope/deal with loss of a child. I think the acknowledgement of such a deep pain for some can be unbearable or scary to know how to handle appropriately. So, they withdrawal for fear of their own reactions. However, this often leaves the family/friend feeling, again, isolated and alone in their grief. So, if for your own sake you must withdrawal, just tell the friend/family that you are withdrawing for fear of saying/doing something wrong, tell them you just don't know how to cope with your own feelings of hurt and loss and pain when you face theirs...it's OK, that won't hurt as bad as just not knowing why you aren't "present" with them in their grief.
3. Saying certain things wrong can hurt...but saying nothing at all hurts the family so much more.
Say something, acknowledge their pain, and just listen to their heart.
4. Certain phrases that are unhelpful: "You will have another one", "God needed an angel to tend His garden", "There must have been something wrong with the child, so God spared you", "You did something wrong and this is a lesson God must be trying to teach you", "At least it was early on....or, at least they didn't have to suffer...or, at least you never got too attached"....and the list goes on. Thank God I did not have to suffer hearing things like this often, but many of my friends have heard things like this after their children died and let me tell you these type of phrases HURT so much. Just sit and listen and know that NOTHING you say or do will make the pain go away...but acknowledging the hurt WILL help to hold us up when we feel knocked down.
5. Complaining about your children or saying things about death lightly (like on rough days saying, "Oh I just want to die" or "This is killing me") are other things that can really weigh heavily upon a hurting heart after the death of a child.
6. Letting your life "go on" in front of ours when you know we are hurting can hurt worse. You don't need to sit in misery with us, but be gentle and full of grace and be aware that your words, your actions and your lack of ability to empathize can lead us to feel very much more hurt. A way to help this is to take time to not share your joys and your good fortunes with us. We do want to celebrate with you, but we don't want to have to/or be expected to do it during our mourning and in our grief. Share our sadness and sorrows and we'll share your joys as God gives us grace to do....share your joys without fore-thought, and our sorrows only increase as the awareness of how deeply and truly empty we are begins to grow bleaker against the brilliance of your shining sunny day. Be aware of this in how you handle and what you say around those suffering death of their beloved.
7. In regards to being "nervous" in your pregnancies...Its probably best you don't share that with someone who's had a loss. We don't need to hear how "scared" you are. (And I don't mean friends and family dealing with very real health concerns can't share their struggle with fear....but I do mean the sense of "worry" or concern without any medical reasoning) We know fear. Often we've dealt with our own fears silently through our subsequent pregnancies. Will our next child die too? Will we have to face delivery of another dead child? Will we even be able to conceive again? Ours isn't a fear about if our child will have disabilities or problems...ours is a fear of if our child will even survive to breathe this air and see our face. We just want a healthy live child. Will our bodies fail us again? How would I cope with another death?
8. Last bit of advice would be: Don't forget about them and the baby that death stole from them. Send them encouraging notes, remember dates along with them (you have no idea what that means to them about the LIFE of the child, not just the death), and just be present with them in their grief. Offer support through hugs, phone calls (not just texts and emails--be present, I will say it again, BE PRESENT), and through just a listening ear. Some of my most encouraging friends are those who took the time to call me and spend time talking with me even still about how I am doing from time to time and year to passing year and asking me the tough questions like, "how are you doing really?" and who just sat and cried with me and those who just gave me a long lingering hug of sympathy.
9. Okay, I lied, one more thing...Everyone handles the death of a child differently so if you find something I have mentioned to be wrong or if you question it in regards to how you think your family/friend may respond then do them the favor and ASK them how they want you to handle their loss and how they best gain your support/encouragement. Don't assume or presume, just ask them how you can best come alongside them in their grief. Just you asking that question will tell them how deeply you do care!!!!!
Yes, every pregnancy and healthy delivery is a miracle...So, don't take your easy deliveries, cake pregnancies and healthy kids for granted. Don't yell at them so much. Don't talk about them like they're replaceable. Don't mention them like they're a burden or a stress. Are kids at times a lot of work and do they have behaviors that can cause stress? Yes, of course. But someone facing the death of a child does not know how to handle your discontentment in life and your stress and overwhelming life as a parent of healthy happy rambunctious kids. It's extremely disheartening and hurtful to hear all the complaining about blessings "we" only LONG for. (And don't think for a minute I haven't whined about my own kids and stresses at times, we're all guilty of it...but we do need to hold one another to a higher standard and stop playing the game of "it's okay to complain as long as it's done in a 'seeking support' kind of way...Sorry ladies/moms, but it's just not okay for us to whine and complain about our sleepless nights and whiny/bratty kids.) [instead of, "these kids are driving me nuts" We/I need to start saying things like, "I need prayer and encouragement to have a godly attitude and manner in dealing with my children when they act in ways that are disrespectful, overwhelming or unbecoming"] I'm just as guilty about "complaining" as anyone--but let's not remain in that attitude and mindset, let's rise above and let's be aware of how we are appearing to others, especially those facing infertility or child death.
Philippians 2:13-1513 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.14 Do everything without complaining and arguing, 15 so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.
Is sleep deprivation a part of parenting? Absolutely. But sleeplessness and sleep deprivation can also be caused by extreme grief. I remember our first year after Joeli died I often had nightmares or woke up in cold sweats as my body readjusted to not needing to use the milk it had stored up. It was so painful that even when I was exhausted I often could not fall asleep. Often all my mind would think about is how far along I would be at such and such a point and as my friends whose pregnancies mirrored mine began having their healthy happy babies the ache in my heart grew. I ached and longed for Joeli to be growing healthy within me and she was not. She was gone, forever. It's an ache like you cannot understand unless you've experienced it. I wish it upon NO ONE.
I have so many other thoughts concerning losing a child....but for now I must rest my heavy hands and lighten my heart a bit and spend time with the miraculous blessings God has restored my soul with.
Love,
Aberdabberdoo
Psalm 127:3
Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.
Monday, June 4, 2012
His hands...OR...HIS FACE
Some days I will admit, I am so "down". I can't blame it on any one thing. I can't blame it on my physical ailments that weigh on me. I can't blame it on my hormones. I can't blame it on others. I can't blame it on my life, my losses, my hurts, my insecurities, my fears. I can't even blame it on anything.
Except...
Well, I can blame it on where my eyes are. Or more aptly spoken, where the eyes of my heart are. Are they looking to the hands of God? Or are they looking to His face?
For a few years now one phrase that has been running circles in my head and heart is, "Seek God's FACE not His hands".
As I look back over my past few years it has been a time in my life filled with very many "let downs". Very many times where my faith has been tested. Where I have prayed, asked and sought Him on my knees through eyes sore with tears. Tears that begged for healing physically. Tears that begged for emotional healing in secret places. Tears that pleaded for a broken brother to be made whole and to find freedom from his battles. Tears that longed for the day to be redone so my sister did not have to suffer the devastation of divorce and neglect and being torn down. Tears that wished for another day, another moment to hold my daughter even if within my womb and whisper the words, "I love you!" again. I could have lost hope and faith a long time ago already if I was only looking to the "answers" and not to The Answer.
Hebrews 11:1
[ Faith in Action ] Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
I don't know for sure if this theme is for me or for the ones God lays on my heart in regard to it but the theme also has showed up several times in my heart, in my happenings and in sermons lately about how the nation of Israel waited and believed and hoped for and had faith for things that most of them never even saw come to pass...yet they held on, they believed.
Hebrews 11: 13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
So, scream it if you must. Whisper if you need to. BUT, no matter what, KNOW IT...YOU are a stranger. I am a stranger. We aren't meant for here! We aren't meant for this life, this broken, hurting, lost, lonely, one frie short of a happy meal life. We're meant for MORE THAN THIS!!!!
2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
So, as, Hebrews 10:25, says, "Don't give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Let's remember to encourage one another that we are strangers here. Let's walk together through the difficult days and rejoice together through the triumphant days! Let's sing together in the sunshine and cry together in the rain. Let's pray together each time we have chance and let's dance together when we hear the music. Let's be real, take off our shades and let's "love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1st Peter 4:8.
Much love and hope,
Abberdabberdoo :)
~If only every day, every moment, my face gazed upon His~
Except...
Well, I can blame it on where my eyes are. Or more aptly spoken, where the eyes of my heart are. Are they looking to the hands of God? Or are they looking to His face?
For a few years now one phrase that has been running circles in my head and heart is, "Seek God's FACE not His hands".
As I look back over my past few years it has been a time in my life filled with very many "let downs". Very many times where my faith has been tested. Where I have prayed, asked and sought Him on my knees through eyes sore with tears. Tears that begged for healing physically. Tears that begged for emotional healing in secret places. Tears that pleaded for a broken brother to be made whole and to find freedom from his battles. Tears that longed for the day to be redone so my sister did not have to suffer the devastation of divorce and neglect and being torn down. Tears that wished for another day, another moment to hold my daughter even if within my womb and whisper the words, "I love you!" again. I could have lost hope and faith a long time ago already if I was only looking to the "answers" and not to The Answer.
Hebrews 11:1
[ Faith in Action ] Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
I don't know for sure if this theme is for me or for the ones God lays on my heart in regard to it but the theme also has showed up several times in my heart, in my happenings and in sermons lately about how the nation of Israel waited and believed and hoped for and had faith for things that most of them never even saw come to pass...yet they held on, they believed.
Hebrews 11: 13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
So, scream it if you must. Whisper if you need to. BUT, no matter what, KNOW IT...YOU are a stranger. I am a stranger. We aren't meant for here! We aren't meant for this life, this broken, hurting, lost, lonely, one frie short of a happy meal life. We're meant for MORE THAN THIS!!!!
2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
So, as, Hebrews 10:25, says, "Don't give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Let's remember to encourage one another that we are strangers here. Let's walk together through the difficult days and rejoice together through the triumphant days! Let's sing together in the sunshine and cry together in the rain. Let's pray together each time we have chance and let's dance together when we hear the music. Let's be real, take off our shades and let's "love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1st Peter 4:8.
Much love and hope,
Abberdabberdoo :)
~If only every day, every moment, my face gazed upon His~
Monday, May 28, 2012
Come Let it Shine...
Tonight, for the first time ever Joeby was introduced to the moon. He tried to say Moon...Kinda came out more like "moo". But it was a good first try. The moon doesn't shine it's light in the daytime, or does it? It does, but we can't see it. Why? Is it not bright enough? No, it's because the moon shines but only those who are in the right place can see it...or only when the moon is shining at just the right spot in the sky can we see it.
God is there. ALWAYS. whether we choose to see Him or not. Just like the moon, though, sometimes we must align ourselves properly in order to "see" Him.
Romans 1:20
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
His love, His glory, His goodness, His qualities they are all visible through the creation around us.
He wants us, like Him, to shine. We read a great and timely devotional today about why we face hardships and trials and loss and it was talking about how God is allowing us to "partake in Christ's sufferings". Just like our lifegroup of others who've all endured losing a child like we have and now we sadly can relate, we can empathize, we can completely understand on a very real level of understanding, we can communicate in a new and unique way, we can walk in a new understanding ourselves, a new level of care for other's who've endured this pain. We know the emptyness and hurt, the questions and the deep loss. Similarly, Christ endured hardship, loss, pain and in this way we too can now "partake" in sufferings and know that we can communicate with God differently, on a deeper level and with greater faith because of our sufferings.
Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
He will come and rescue.
He has redeemed us. We were sold like slaves to death, suffering, pain, loss...but He has re-purchased us.
Isaiah 43:1
[ Israel’s Only Savior ] But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
Just like Joeby finally realizing there really is a moon...take a moment, breathe, and know that breath did not come upon you without a great miracle. Every fiber of your being is in place because the God who formed you intricately in your mother's womb cares for you and knit you together and provided you another breath. If you are searching for God, I encourage you to keep searching for Him. If you need to re-align your eyes to look at Him again and find Him "in the sky like the moon", then I encouage you to do so.
May He be your reason to sing! Need a listen, go here ... May you seek Him and find Him!
Psalm 119:2
Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart—
~Abi
Ephesians 5:14
This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Running
Running with God, Running from God, Running to God...
Which way are you running your race?
Some analogy's within the jog, yet again. As a writer you may relate to that feeling when the words are just so overwhelming they feel as if you don't get them down fast enough they may bubble over in you. That is how much I felt God speaking to my heart through the time I spent running. It was like His still small voice whispered in every heavy breath I took.
Often times in our burdensome "runs" of life we look too far ahead and become clouded in our vision. We feel incapable of finishing "the race". But, when we narrow our vision and focus on the attainable steps laid out in front of us we can reach the farther goal, we can finish with endurance, perseverance and strength.
When we look at the "path laid out in front of us" sometimes we see only sun beaten gravel. We see no relief, no break from the sun, no glimmer of hope, no God to reach to. In the storms of life the rain can beat down so heavily and the wind can so fiercely push us where it may that we can tend to feel unable to overcome. We succumb to the trial. God is nowhere to be found. We cannot feel Him. We certainly cannot see Him (with the sweat from our brow clouding our vision) in the bitter heartache, in the injustice, in the betrayel, in the loss, in the storm...so He must have forsaken us. He must not be who He says He is. Right? NO, He is there.
Sometimes what we fail to realize though is that the "path laid out in front of us" is actually NOT the path He has laid out for us, but rather the path that we have taken as a result of the storm, the circumstance, the pain we are in. We get "caught up" and we forget that we must make the choice. The choice is to take that one step off the "path" to actually get back on the true "path".
Psalm 71:20
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
On my jog today I saw a golfball aside the road, "off the path". I realized that until I actually "touched and felt" that golfball it was completely intangible, it was almost like it did not exist. I couldn't "feel" it and I scarcely could "see" it through my sweat laden brow. But when I stooped down, slowed my pace and took that uneasy step just "off the path" I realized, wiping the sweat from clouding my vision, it was really a golfball. I know this sounds extremely silly. But I really felt God nudging me through this and saying to me, "Abi, sometimes you must take that step of faith and step outside of your circumstance, outside of your pain, outside of your hurt, your questions, your loneliness, your wondering AND YOU must take the step to meet ME. I am here, waiting. Waiting for you to seek ME, to want ME. My arms are outstretched to you and I want you! I love you! Don't remain stuck in your circumstances. Don't be stubborn and think you 'know the path'. I know the path and I do not want ill for you. I do not want pain and toil and struggle and burden for you. Come to me. Even if you have to wipe the sweat from your brow to see me clearly, SEE ME! I AM here! Even if you must slow your pace, leave the path you feel was laid out for you to seek Me in peace on the true path I have for you. You will feel me and know me and see me when you step out in faith."
Even if we must slow our pace during the storms and through the heat and when the sun is beating us down and when the hill seems ever heigtening and we feel we can't go on, we must keep on! We must run with diligence. He is not allowing us to see trials and bitter circumstances to weigh us down, but rather to build us up and strengthen us for the endurance it will take to truly run with perseverance the course laid out in front of us. He is faithful and patient,
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
We grow tired and weary. We wonder, we question...when, why, how.
Isaiah 40:28
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Yet, He does not weary or tire. He stands and patiently waits for us to trust Him. To wipe the sweat from our brow. To step, even if while in pain, outside of our circumtance and in faith, trust that He did not design us to live in pain, wandering and hurt. He wants us to trust His love. Let's run with perseverance!
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
Which way are you running your race?
Some analogy's within the jog, yet again. As a writer you may relate to that feeling when the words are just so overwhelming they feel as if you don't get them down fast enough they may bubble over in you. That is how much I felt God speaking to my heart through the time I spent running. It was like His still small voice whispered in every heavy breath I took.
Often times in our burdensome "runs" of life we look too far ahead and become clouded in our vision. We feel incapable of finishing "the race". But, when we narrow our vision and focus on the attainable steps laid out in front of us we can reach the farther goal, we can finish with endurance, perseverance and strength.
When we look at the "path laid out in front of us" sometimes we see only sun beaten gravel. We see no relief, no break from the sun, no glimmer of hope, no God to reach to. In the storms of life the rain can beat down so heavily and the wind can so fiercely push us where it may that we can tend to feel unable to overcome. We succumb to the trial. God is nowhere to be found. We cannot feel Him. We certainly cannot see Him (with the sweat from our brow clouding our vision) in the bitter heartache, in the injustice, in the betrayel, in the loss, in the storm...so He must have forsaken us. He must not be who He says He is. Right? NO, He is there.
Sometimes what we fail to realize though is that the "path laid out in front of us" is actually NOT the path He has laid out for us, but rather the path that we have taken as a result of the storm, the circumstance, the pain we are in. We get "caught up" and we forget that we must make the choice. The choice is to take that one step off the "path" to actually get back on the true "path".
Psalm 71:20
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
On my jog today I saw a golfball aside the road, "off the path". I realized that until I actually "touched and felt" that golfball it was completely intangible, it was almost like it did not exist. I couldn't "feel" it and I scarcely could "see" it through my sweat laden brow. But when I stooped down, slowed my pace and took that uneasy step just "off the path" I realized, wiping the sweat from clouding my vision, it was really a golfball. I know this sounds extremely silly. But I really felt God nudging me through this and saying to me, "Abi, sometimes you must take that step of faith and step outside of your circumstance, outside of your pain, outside of your hurt, your questions, your loneliness, your wondering AND YOU must take the step to meet ME. I am here, waiting. Waiting for you to seek ME, to want ME. My arms are outstretched to you and I want you! I love you! Don't remain stuck in your circumstances. Don't be stubborn and think you 'know the path'. I know the path and I do not want ill for you. I do not want pain and toil and struggle and burden for you. Come to me. Even if you have to wipe the sweat from your brow to see me clearly, SEE ME! I AM here! Even if you must slow your pace, leave the path you feel was laid out for you to seek Me in peace on the true path I have for you. You will feel me and know me and see me when you step out in faith."
Even if we must slow our pace during the storms and through the heat and when the sun is beating us down and when the hill seems ever heigtening and we feel we can't go on, we must keep on! We must run with diligence. He is not allowing us to see trials and bitter circumstances to weigh us down, but rather to build us up and strengthen us for the endurance it will take to truly run with perseverance the course laid out in front of us. He is faithful and patient,
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
We grow tired and weary. We wonder, we question...when, why, how.
Isaiah 40:28
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Yet, He does not weary or tire. He stands and patiently waits for us to trust Him. To wipe the sweat from our brow. To step, even if while in pain, outside of our circumtance and in faith, trust that He did not design us to live in pain, wandering and hurt. He wants us to trust His love. Let's run with perseverance!
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
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