6 lbs. apples – peeled, cored, and sliced (I used Gala)
1.5 cups water
1.5 cups sugar
2 cups brown sugar
1 tbsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp. ground cloves
1 tsp. nutmeg
.5 tsp allspice
Each day make a joyful noise in this backWORDZ world. Choose to live life moment by moment in the extravagant love of your Father.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Neighborhood football games, Jesus and once over lightly eggs...
Lately my amazing hubster has been slightly obsessed with the Growth Mindset.
He happily responded to our oldest daughters words of encouragement to her little sis the other night, "keep trying" with his own, "That's great Seana, that's right when we can't do something the first time we just have to keep working at it!"
So, Sadie keeps trying to leap the whole distance between the sofas and after a few try's she successfully lands on the opposite sofa instead of in the gap. Happily Daddy comes around the corner, "Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that at first you couldn't do it but you kept working at it and now you can do it? Wow!"
It's his new favorite approach to life and faith. Kind of the old nothing comes natural to nobody thought! We all have to work at things to be successful, to achieve and to overcome.
Recently Sean and I talked about how this approach and mindset could really make such a huge difference for many lives of those walking with God but then give up or give in when things get tough or they feel they've failed or they feel they'll never be able to overcome a certain sin or struggle. When we take a step back and recognize that living for God takes practice and when we accept that and are okay essentially with "failures" and viewing them, instead of failures, as opportunities to improve, grow, mature, learn and be challenged it changed us! It changes our outlook! And that can change our whole course!
Recently I read a short devotional by Max Lucado and he talked about how as a kid there were many neighborhood football games after school and most of the time he ended up on the losing team. He said one of the dads would get home from work and all the kids would be begging him to come play football. He was a huge guy and a football lover so he would willingly join and would kindly ask which team was losing so he could join it. Max said when this guy entered the huddle it was like a whole new game.
"He was confident, strong and most of all, he had a plan"
Max goes on to say how God is like this for us! He says they didn't need a new play but a new plan and player. I was thinking about how a good leader and team captain would not desert his team after a loss or mistake/failure. Instead, a good team leader would support, encourage, lead and guide his player to improve and he would give opportunity or learning and growth! This is Christ for us! He lovingly stands by us through our trials, faults and failures and allows us to learn and grow and He helps us along the way!
Tonight I started thinking about how I stink so bad at making once over lightly eggs. I asked myself why is it that I just cannot make them like some people all pretty and perfect. I wondered if it I because I don't like them myself so I therefore make less of them in my lifetime... Or is it because there is pretty much not a way to mess up scrambled eggs, ha ha! I do think it mostly comes down to my lack of practice and experience. Here is where the growth mindset comes in...
Psalm 116:6 says, "When I was helpless, He saved me!" Max shared this verse at the beginning of his devotional. And how fitting! When we are humbly willing to recognize and accept that we, at times, and in certain areas of our lives and our walk with Him are helpless, we can give ourselves the opportunity to grow! And not just areas we are helpless, but also areas and times in our lives when we may falter, fail, struggle, or wander aimlessly. He is there as a supportive team captain, ready to guide and teach and offer us opportunities to develop as team players! Benching or sidelining us, He knows would do us no good... So, why do we so often sideline ourselves?
Tonight, if you're struggling or feeling like you have that one area of weakness spiritually that just can't be defeated or overcome...put yourself back in the game with an assurance, hope and joy that He wants you in the game! He believes in you and your ability to grow and overcome!
I'm gonna keep working at those once over lightly eggs;) will you keep walking out your faith despite the struggle?
So much love and prayers,
Abi
He happily responded to our oldest daughters words of encouragement to her little sis the other night, "keep trying" with his own, "That's great Seana, that's right when we can't do something the first time we just have to keep working at it!"
So, Sadie keeps trying to leap the whole distance between the sofas and after a few try's she successfully lands on the opposite sofa instead of in the gap. Happily Daddy comes around the corner, "Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that at first you couldn't do it but you kept working at it and now you can do it? Wow!"
It's his new favorite approach to life and faith. Kind of the old nothing comes natural to nobody thought! We all have to work at things to be successful, to achieve and to overcome.
Recently Sean and I talked about how this approach and mindset could really make such a huge difference for many lives of those walking with God but then give up or give in when things get tough or they feel they've failed or they feel they'll never be able to overcome a certain sin or struggle. When we take a step back and recognize that living for God takes practice and when we accept that and are okay essentially with "failures" and viewing them, instead of failures, as opportunities to improve, grow, mature, learn and be challenged it changed us! It changes our outlook! And that can change our whole course!
Recently I read a short devotional by Max Lucado and he talked about how as a kid there were many neighborhood football games after school and most of the time he ended up on the losing team. He said one of the dads would get home from work and all the kids would be begging him to come play football. He was a huge guy and a football lover so he would willingly join and would kindly ask which team was losing so he could join it. Max said when this guy entered the huddle it was like a whole new game.
"He was confident, strong and most of all, he had a plan"
Max goes on to say how God is like this for us! He says they didn't need a new play but a new plan and player. I was thinking about how a good leader and team captain would not desert his team after a loss or mistake/failure. Instead, a good team leader would support, encourage, lead and guide his player to improve and he would give opportunity or learning and growth! This is Christ for us! He lovingly stands by us through our trials, faults and failures and allows us to learn and grow and He helps us along the way!
Tonight I started thinking about how I stink so bad at making once over lightly eggs. I asked myself why is it that I just cannot make them like some people all pretty and perfect. I wondered if it I because I don't like them myself so I therefore make less of them in my lifetime... Or is it because there is pretty much not a way to mess up scrambled eggs, ha ha! I do think it mostly comes down to my lack of practice and experience. Here is where the growth mindset comes in...
Psalm 116:6 says, "When I was helpless, He saved me!" Max shared this verse at the beginning of his devotional. And how fitting! When we are humbly willing to recognize and accept that we, at times, and in certain areas of our lives and our walk with Him are helpless, we can give ourselves the opportunity to grow! And not just areas we are helpless, but also areas and times in our lives when we may falter, fail, struggle, or wander aimlessly. He is there as a supportive team captain, ready to guide and teach and offer us opportunities to develop as team players! Benching or sidelining us, He knows would do us no good... So, why do we so often sideline ourselves?
Tonight, if you're struggling or feeling like you have that one area of weakness spiritually that just can't be defeated or overcome...put yourself back in the game with an assurance, hope and joy that He wants you in the game! He believes in you and your ability to grow and overcome!
I'm gonna keep working at those once over lightly eggs;) will you keep walking out your faith despite the struggle?
So much love and prayers,
Abi
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Favorite Thanksgiving Recipes
Favorite Thanksgiving Recipes
Orange-Cranberry Relish
Ingredients:
- 1 orange
- 2 cups (or one and a half bags) fresh or frozen cranberries (about 8-10 ounces)
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1/4 cup chopped walnut pieces (I like more like 3/4 a cup or more finely grated)
Directions:
Finely grate the zest of the orange, then squeeze in all of the juice or blend together in magic bullet. All cranberries blended well/finely chopped in magic bullet. Stir well all ingredients and enjoy:)
Green Bean Deluxe
Ingredients:
2 large bags of green beans (stringed and ready to cook)
1 small onion
2 bags of bacon
Directions:
Boil large pot of water
Add green beans and steam until soft
Meanwhile, cook bacon at 400 until cooked to a crisp
Also, sautée and chop small the onion in a dose of olive oil
When all done, stir all prepared ingredients together thoroughly and enjoy!
Caramel Pecan Pie
Green Bean Deluxe
Ingredients:
2 large bags of green beans (stringed and ready to cook)
1 small onion
2 bags of bacon
Directions:
Boil large pot of water
Add green beans and steam until soft
Meanwhile, cook bacon at 400 until cooked to a crisp
Also, sautée and chop small the onion in a dose of olive oil
When all done, stir all prepared ingredients together thoroughly and enjoy!
Caramel Pecan Pie
- 10-12 oz coarsely chopped pecans or whole
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2/3 cup powdered sugar
- 3/4 cup butter, cubed
- 1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
- 1/2 cup honey
- 2/3 cup butter
- 3 tablespoons whipping cream
- Bag of caramels (remove wrappers and place candies all over top of pie before final bake time)
- 1. Arrange pecans in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 5 to 7 minutes or until lightly toasted. Cool on a wire rack 15 minutes or until completely cool.
- 2. Pulse flour, powdered sugar, and 3/4 cup butter in a food processor 5 to 6 times or until mixture resembles coarse meal. Pat mixture evenly on bottom and up sides of a lightly greased pie pan
- 3. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until edges are lightly browned. Cool 15 minutes or until completely cool.
- 4. Bring brown sugar, honey, 2/3 cup butter, and whipping cream to a boil in a 3-qt. saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir in toasted pecans, and spoon hot filling into prepared crust.
- 5. Add caramels and Bake at 350° for 25 to 30 minutes or until golden and bubbly. Cool 30 minutes or until completely cool.
Friday, November 22, 2013
GO PRO... OR go home
Somehow having several labors and deliveries and children makes me a "pro".... let me tell you, there is nothing PRO about it...each pregnancy is unique with unique struggles and joys and the same with each labor delivery and raising each child throughout their growing. I will admit, I struggle with anxieties and fears. I just wanted to take a moment to be really vulnerable... It's easy to get sucked in to all the fears I have. I feel like I talk about this often, but sorry, it's something I struggle with so it's easy for me to find myself confronting this battle and these reminders often in order to be the overcomer I believe He is crafting me to be. So, here I go again talking about it:
First and foremost with pregnancy anymore is my fear of losing my child before they are born. After experiencing our loss of Joeli Grace at 5 months for unknown reasons I suppose it's only natural to fear this and pray against it constantly. Next, is a fear for delivery that something could go wrong. We've not experienced some of the more traumatic deliveries. However, with Sadie our "rainbow baby" we almost lost her when her heart-rate dropped and many medical professionals (probably went from one nurse in our room to ten to fifteen in a matter of seconds) rushed into the room talking about the Operating Room and Emergency C-Sections if we couldn't find a way to regulate her heart-rate. Thankfully, moving me into a new labor position seemed to help and she was okay... other than that and having to be checked by NICU staff because of meconium and me not being able to hold her or hear her cry for the first 5 to ten minutes after her birth (so traumatic after everything with Joeli was really just hoping for a simple birth without scares). But now the fears I'm battling are still the first two, and also because my platelets and iron are teetering on the low level and I've been told the potential risks involved if they drop any lower before delivery.
If I'm not careful, any or all of these fears and concerns (whether legitimate or not) can drown out that still small voice of God. His Word it says is, "Sharper than a double edged sword"- Hebrews 4:12. So when I have an enemy (FEAR) I'm facing, I must use this weapon God has given me and I must STAND UP! I must FIGHT! And I must face this enemy like the warrior woman God has been crafting me to be!
So, when I am facing my fears and anxieties I will ask myself do I want to go pro or go home? Not pro in that I know it all or will ever be a pro at any of this... BUT, that I go to the ONE who is the pro and trust Him with all this and more! Some may be uncomfortable with talking about FEAR... so be advised.
Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life.He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble. Someone may say to you, “Let’s ask the mediums and those who consult the spirits of the dead. With their whisperings and mutterings, they will tell us what to do.” But shouldn’t people ask God for guidance? Should the living seek guidance from the dead? Look to God’s instructions and teachings! People who contradict his word are completely in the dark. Isaiah 8:13, 19-20
Will you make the choice to GO to GOD instead of seeking other sources of wisdom and help? He is the ONE who should be feared and the only One whom should make me tremble.
So, will YOU choose whom you shall fear and revere?
Will you stand up and be that WARRIOR and fight your battle with the incredible weapon you've been given? HIS WORD. I have been thinking about this powerful weapon all week since Sean read the passage from Ephesians for devotions early this week for our family:
For all the things in this life I will never be pro at, I'm thankful to have the PRO to go to. I am constantly amazed at how His word truly does bring such comfort, peace, wisdom and hope to my heart no matter what I am battling.
Today I am reminded of the POWER of this Word--power to provide HOPE in hopeless situations, power to provide comfort in desperately painful times, power to work in cleansing my heart and leading me out of sinful patterns, power to encourage and bless, power to bring peace amidst fear, power to restore marriage, power to give wisdom where confusion exists.
If you're seeking God and these powerful things in your life but don't know where to start, I would encourage you to seek God in His word. A great website is www.biblegateway.com and a wonderful phone app is YouVersion. I have learned and been reminded of so much while doing the Read Through The Bible in a Year app:) Or, feel free to ask me about my walk with God. I don't promise to have all the answers, but I truly believe with all my heart and soul I've found The One who does and I'm ever grateful in this crazy mixed up world to have HIM to turn to in my hurts, sorrows, disappointments and failures, fears, and everything in between.
I'm going PRO :) how bout you? :)
much love,
Abi
First and foremost with pregnancy anymore is my fear of losing my child before they are born. After experiencing our loss of Joeli Grace at 5 months for unknown reasons I suppose it's only natural to fear this and pray against it constantly. Next, is a fear for delivery that something could go wrong. We've not experienced some of the more traumatic deliveries. However, with Sadie our "rainbow baby" we almost lost her when her heart-rate dropped and many medical professionals (probably went from one nurse in our room to ten to fifteen in a matter of seconds) rushed into the room talking about the Operating Room and Emergency C-Sections if we couldn't find a way to regulate her heart-rate. Thankfully, moving me into a new labor position seemed to help and she was okay... other than that and having to be checked by NICU staff because of meconium and me not being able to hold her or hear her cry for the first 5 to ten minutes after her birth (so traumatic after everything with Joeli was really just hoping for a simple birth without scares). But now the fears I'm battling are still the first two, and also because my platelets and iron are teetering on the low level and I've been told the potential risks involved if they drop any lower before delivery.
If I'm not careful, any or all of these fears and concerns (whether legitimate or not) can drown out that still small voice of God. His Word it says is, "Sharper than a double edged sword"- Hebrews 4:12. So when I have an enemy (FEAR) I'm facing, I must use this weapon God has given me and I must STAND UP! I must FIGHT! And I must face this enemy like the warrior woman God has been crafting me to be!
So, when I am facing my fears and anxieties I will ask myself do I want to go pro or go home? Not pro in that I know it all or will ever be a pro at any of this... BUT, that I go to the ONE who is the pro and trust Him with all this and more! Some may be uncomfortable with talking about FEAR... so be advised.
Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life.He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble. Someone may say to you, “Let’s ask the mediums and those who consult the spirits of the dead. With their whisperings and mutterings, they will tell us what to do.” But shouldn’t people ask God for guidance? Should the living seek guidance from the dead? Look to God’s instructions and teachings! People who contradict his word are completely in the dark. Isaiah 8:13, 19-20
Will you make the choice to GO to GOD instead of seeking other sources of wisdom and help? He is the ONE who should be feared and the only One whom should make me tremble.
So, will YOU choose whom you shall fear and revere?
Will you stand up and be that WARRIOR and fight your battle with the incredible weapon you've been given? HIS WORD. I have been thinking about this powerful weapon all week since Sean read the passage from Ephesians for devotions early this week for our family:
Ephesians 6:13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.[d] 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.[e] 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.[f]
For all the things in this life I will never be pro at, I'm thankful to have the PRO to go to. I am constantly amazed at how His word truly does bring such comfort, peace, wisdom and hope to my heart no matter what I am battling.
Today I am reminded of the POWER of this Word--power to provide HOPE in hopeless situations, power to provide comfort in desperately painful times, power to work in cleansing my heart and leading me out of sinful patterns, power to encourage and bless, power to bring peace amidst fear, power to restore marriage, power to give wisdom where confusion exists.
If you're seeking God and these powerful things in your life but don't know where to start, I would encourage you to seek God in His word. A great website is www.biblegateway.com and a wonderful phone app is YouVersion. I have learned and been reminded of so much while doing the Read Through The Bible in a Year app:) Or, feel free to ask me about my walk with God. I don't promise to have all the answers, but I truly believe with all my heart and soul I've found The One who does and I'm ever grateful in this crazy mixed up world to have HIM to turn to in my hurts, sorrows, disappointments and failures, fears, and everything in between.
I'm going PRO :) how bout you? :)
much love,
Abi
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Spilled Juice...but who was angry?
It was a busy day. I was cranky because we haven't had heat (or air, might I add, during the heat wave a little bit ago) and I was chilly. I had already done dishes, started laundry, cleaned and swept and wiped tables down, and started school with Seana AND cleaned up other messes.
I was tired.
And with not feeling well for a couple weeks now all I wanted was to go through the rest of the day and basically find rest.
Instead, in the middle of correcting Joeby and teaching Seana, Sadie comes downstairs and tells me her juice (not the typical non-stain happy apple juice I like to give them mind you, but cranberry to fight the lovely UTI which as consumed our days with innumerable bathroom visits recently) has, "Spilled everywhere!"
I.was.not.happy!
Okay, okay, I'll be honest, I was ANGRY!
I marched my way up the stairs and asked her to show me where she spilled it. Then I asked her how it happened. I was surprised by her answer. She told me how Joeby tried to bring it down to her and she wanted to do it herself so that made her mad. She said she brought it back up and slammed it on the table and she even demonstrated the look she had on her face while doing so.
Initially, I wanted to tell Sadie to be more careful... But when I realized that this spill had nothing to do with clumsiness or lack of careful handling something spoke to my heart.
I began to pray. I thanked God that He cared enough about my little girl that He didn't want her anger to just go unnoticed. I thanked Him that He wanted her heart to be molded and teachable and that he wanted her to grow in wisdom and knowledge, patience and gentleness and that He wanted to produce a fruit of righteousness in her little heart and life. He allowe her "act" to be caught so that He could work out something more in her!
And then I prayed for me. I prayed for His wisdom in this teachable moment and I prayed He would guide me with parenting her and guiding her. And I thanked Him for trusting me with the task of helping Him shape her.
After we finished cleaning most of the mess I asked Sadie to go to her room and think about what her choice to be angry instead of grateful at Joebys trying to help and bless her accomplished. I asked her to sit quietly and think.
Of course she didn't. She went back and quietly found nail polish and started painting her nails while I was still cleaning the remaining mess. But that's a whole other blog post about my sweetie May. Ha!
Anyway, while I finished cleaning God brought a few scriptures to mind and some words to share with Sadie.
Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, (Ephesians 4:26 NASB) is one of the passages He reminded me of.
God helped me take a step back in my own busy-ness and messy heart to recognize another little heart He wants to take a more beautiful shape.
But it doesn't stop there. Because I am still His little girl too. So, what did God teach me in that spilled juice moment? To take a step back from what is seen and for a moment recognize what is unseen and eternal. The bigger picture, the deeper purpose of even something as minor as spilled juice. And He helped me step back from my own anger and my own preoccupations and recognize His hand at work! He helped me to be molded and shaped just as He was shaping little Sadie too. I'm so grateful He cares sou h for me that sometimes He lets the juice spill.
Sometimes, it makes a giant mess.
Sometimes, it may even stain a rug or two and leave a permanent reminder of the work He has done.
Sometimes, it may take a long long time to clean up my messes.
Sometimes, I may need to help someone else with their mess in order to see my own through a clearer lense.
And always, He cares when He lets the juice spill He has enough left to fill the cup back up and let us keep drinking, learning, growing, trying...
I was tired.
And with not feeling well for a couple weeks now all I wanted was to go through the rest of the day and basically find rest.
Instead, in the middle of correcting Joeby and teaching Seana, Sadie comes downstairs and tells me her juice (not the typical non-stain happy apple juice I like to give them mind you, but cranberry to fight the lovely UTI which as consumed our days with innumerable bathroom visits recently) has, "Spilled everywhere!"
I.was.not.happy!
Okay, okay, I'll be honest, I was ANGRY!
I marched my way up the stairs and asked her to show me where she spilled it. Then I asked her how it happened. I was surprised by her answer. She told me how Joeby tried to bring it down to her and she wanted to do it herself so that made her mad. She said she brought it back up and slammed it on the table and she even demonstrated the look she had on her face while doing so.
Initially, I wanted to tell Sadie to be more careful... But when I realized that this spill had nothing to do with clumsiness or lack of careful handling something spoke to my heart.
I began to pray. I thanked God that He cared enough about my little girl that He didn't want her anger to just go unnoticed. I thanked Him that He wanted her heart to be molded and teachable and that he wanted her to grow in wisdom and knowledge, patience and gentleness and that He wanted to produce a fruit of righteousness in her little heart and life. He allowe her "act" to be caught so that He could work out something more in her!
And then I prayed for me. I prayed for His wisdom in this teachable moment and I prayed He would guide me with parenting her and guiding her. And I thanked Him for trusting me with the task of helping Him shape her.
After we finished cleaning most of the mess I asked Sadie to go to her room and think about what her choice to be angry instead of grateful at Joebys trying to help and bless her accomplished. I asked her to sit quietly and think.
Of course she didn't. She went back and quietly found nail polish and started painting her nails while I was still cleaning the remaining mess. But that's a whole other blog post about my sweetie May. Ha!
Anyway, while I finished cleaning God brought a few scriptures to mind and some words to share with Sadie.
Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, (Ephesians 4:26 NASB) is one of the passages He reminded me of.
God helped me take a step back in my own busy-ness and messy heart to recognize another little heart He wants to take a more beautiful shape.
But it doesn't stop there. Because I am still His little girl too. So, what did God teach me in that spilled juice moment? To take a step back from what is seen and for a moment recognize what is unseen and eternal. The bigger picture, the deeper purpose of even something as minor as spilled juice. And He helped me step back from my own anger and my own preoccupations and recognize His hand at work! He helped me to be molded and shaped just as He was shaping little Sadie too. I'm so grateful He cares sou h for me that sometimes He lets the juice spill.
Sometimes, it makes a giant mess.
Sometimes, it may even stain a rug or two and leave a permanent reminder of the work He has done.
Sometimes, it may take a long long time to clean up my messes.
Sometimes, I may need to help someone else with their mess in order to see my own through a clearer lense.
And always, He cares when He lets the juice spill He has enough left to fill the cup back up and let us keep drinking, learning, growing, trying...
Monday, August 19, 2013
Cyber school education
So so many of my friends have inquired this year about our homeschooling experience that I've decided it's time to have a blog about it for reference. In list form I would like to first address our greatest joys and determiners in our decision to use the cyber homeschool education as our family's school option.
-Greater influence in our children's shaping and development in all areas, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and academically.
-Family flexibility in academics, family time, and illness recovery.
-Germ introduction especially as younger children is more limited.
-Closely monitoring and being involved in academic achievement, social involvements and being a direct proponent of their academic success!
-Having daily opportunity afforded for our children to learn from one another. To mature and relate in family relationships which can be so rewarding to see them learning life skills, positive social interaction and ways of behaving from familial positive peer pressure.
-Academically being more able to search for ways to meet any individual needs or material that specifically fits the desires and interests of our students. For example, we wanted a school that provided elementary Spanish and this has been the most rewarding and exciting course for our student last year!
-Having flexible hours and days yet also with cyber education finding great joy in the structure and schedule provided for us as we desire to use it.
-Curriculum and course materials needed for the year mailed to our doorstep.
-Many support staff and easily accessible help for any support, questions or concerns I may have.
-More time in our evenings to do activities for student outlets for fun and leisure and also family enjoyment because "homework" is completed throughout the day!
-Money spent on school supplies and outfits is very minimal because our students are not needing as much as may be needed for traditional school.
I honestly cannot think of anything negative to say aside from this past years final couple Math units and feeling like the last one should have maybe been a previous lesson as it helped offer some more full explanations to our student.
I fully believe the Handwriting Without Tears curriculum is top notch, along with their Phonics curriculum. We have had great success in all areas and anytime our student began struggling in an area the staff was on their game to offer support, guidance and extra help! They test often and throughout the units in each subject offering many opportunities to see growth or struggle. The online school portion is not overly time consuming and offered many fun interactive learning opportunities.
The school also affords opportunities to come together as a community in fun, learning and other activities.
We do not homeschool out of fear, but instead out of a belief that we are called by God to protect, provide and foster positive growth and development in our children. We personally believe for our family this is the wisest option for us. And it doesn't come without sacrifice. Financially we sacrifice. Some may say we sacrifice our time too. I lay down my desires for what i beleive is best for my children in that i do not do a lot of things for myself or get to do as many stay at home mom type activities because Im a very busy teacher and mom. But we truly believe with all the information we have learned and heard from friends and colleagues over the years that sadly school is not as it once was. There is more violence, earlier and earlier exposure to sex and sexuality (do you believe young boys are bringing pornographic material onto school grounds at the age if eight? Here's my plug to talk to your elementary student about sex!) and students are talking about so much more than that ( suicide, relationships, death etc) all often without an adult to help offer guided support or helpful language needed to properly explain or sift through these incredibly delicate issues with these equally delicate and shapeable hearts!
Please do not get me wrong, by no means am I saying its wrong to send a child to school. In fact I think it's a very difficult weighty decision that we openly discuss our thoughts, reasons and concerns for in all regards frequently to make sure we feel we are following Gods lead. As parents we pray often for Gods guidance and we ask those in aurhority over us and those we trust for thier experiences, opinions and thouhts and we listen for His leading. Open discussion and careful discernment are key to making the wisest decision for your student and for your family.
I will say that we don't believe it's a decision which should be left to a child to choose their most desired, favorite or best option. They are children, their view is limited. We are the adults with all the information, with the full perspective and with the God given responsibility to raise children who are being afforded the most opportunities for godly, positive and safe environment in all areas, academically, socially, mentally and emotionally. We do discuss the various options and allow the children to understand all that is involved in each schooling option, however, in the end we also explain our reasoning behind our decision.
I won't even get into our concerns for the school staff and the lack of sexual accountability and social standards of sexually acceptable words, choices, lifestyle and actions for adults who then become vital parts of the students mental, social and academic growth... They both monitor the students and role model for them.
One final concern we had was for our students safety. Safety in both student to student interaction and from outside violence which sadly has increased greatly in our country recently. We know as parents we cannot protect our children from everything, however, we also believe we want to provide a safe and secure environment, particularly in the elementary very formidable and shaping years. This is where their hearts and minds are so tender and ripe for growth and development cognitively and emotionally is really soaring. Bullying can cause such detriment and while some adversity and opportunities to socially, emotionally and cognitively develop coping mechanisms is also vital we seek to provide guided and less opportunities for it to become a negative.
I probably could go on, but these have been some of our greatest determining factors, thoughts, concerns, and beliefs in our decision.
Ultimately, we love the attitudes, decisions and hearts of our kids and who they are growing into so much. It gives us a great sense of joy to play this incredibly integral role in their academic, social, emotional, spiritual and cognitive development.
We love Cyber education with Agora!
-Greater influence in our children's shaping and development in all areas, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and academically.
-Family flexibility in academics, family time, and illness recovery.
-Germ introduction especially as younger children is more limited.
-Closely monitoring and being involved in academic achievement, social involvements and being a direct proponent of their academic success!
-Having daily opportunity afforded for our children to learn from one another. To mature and relate in family relationships which can be so rewarding to see them learning life skills, positive social interaction and ways of behaving from familial positive peer pressure.
-Academically being more able to search for ways to meet any individual needs or material that specifically fits the desires and interests of our students. For example, we wanted a school that provided elementary Spanish and this has been the most rewarding and exciting course for our student last year!
-Having flexible hours and days yet also with cyber education finding great joy in the structure and schedule provided for us as we desire to use it.
-Curriculum and course materials needed for the year mailed to our doorstep.
-Many support staff and easily accessible help for any support, questions or concerns I may have.
-More time in our evenings to do activities for student outlets for fun and leisure and also family enjoyment because "homework" is completed throughout the day!
-Money spent on school supplies and outfits is very minimal because our students are not needing as much as may be needed for traditional school.
I honestly cannot think of anything negative to say aside from this past years final couple Math units and feeling like the last one should have maybe been a previous lesson as it helped offer some more full explanations to our student.
I fully believe the Handwriting Without Tears curriculum is top notch, along with their Phonics curriculum. We have had great success in all areas and anytime our student began struggling in an area the staff was on their game to offer support, guidance and extra help! They test often and throughout the units in each subject offering many opportunities to see growth or struggle. The online school portion is not overly time consuming and offered many fun interactive learning opportunities.
The school also affords opportunities to come together as a community in fun, learning and other activities.
We do not homeschool out of fear, but instead out of a belief that we are called by God to protect, provide and foster positive growth and development in our children. We personally believe for our family this is the wisest option for us. And it doesn't come without sacrifice. Financially we sacrifice. Some may say we sacrifice our time too. I lay down my desires for what i beleive is best for my children in that i do not do a lot of things for myself or get to do as many stay at home mom type activities because Im a very busy teacher and mom. But we truly believe with all the information we have learned and heard from friends and colleagues over the years that sadly school is not as it once was. There is more violence, earlier and earlier exposure to sex and sexuality (do you believe young boys are bringing pornographic material onto school grounds at the age if eight? Here's my plug to talk to your elementary student about sex!) and students are talking about so much more than that ( suicide, relationships, death etc) all often without an adult to help offer guided support or helpful language needed to properly explain or sift through these incredibly delicate issues with these equally delicate and shapeable hearts!
Please do not get me wrong, by no means am I saying its wrong to send a child to school. In fact I think it's a very difficult weighty decision that we openly discuss our thoughts, reasons and concerns for in all regards frequently to make sure we feel we are following Gods lead. As parents we pray often for Gods guidance and we ask those in aurhority over us and those we trust for thier experiences, opinions and thouhts and we listen for His leading. Open discussion and careful discernment are key to making the wisest decision for your student and for your family.
I will say that we don't believe it's a decision which should be left to a child to choose their most desired, favorite or best option. They are children, their view is limited. We are the adults with all the information, with the full perspective and with the God given responsibility to raise children who are being afforded the most opportunities for godly, positive and safe environment in all areas, academically, socially, mentally and emotionally. We do discuss the various options and allow the children to understand all that is involved in each schooling option, however, in the end we also explain our reasoning behind our decision.
I won't even get into our concerns for the school staff and the lack of sexual accountability and social standards of sexually acceptable words, choices, lifestyle and actions for adults who then become vital parts of the students mental, social and academic growth... They both monitor the students and role model for them.
One final concern we had was for our students safety. Safety in both student to student interaction and from outside violence which sadly has increased greatly in our country recently. We know as parents we cannot protect our children from everything, however, we also believe we want to provide a safe and secure environment, particularly in the elementary very formidable and shaping years. This is where their hearts and minds are so tender and ripe for growth and development cognitively and emotionally is really soaring. Bullying can cause such detriment and while some adversity and opportunities to socially, emotionally and cognitively develop coping mechanisms is also vital we seek to provide guided and less opportunities for it to become a negative.
I probably could go on, but these have been some of our greatest determining factors, thoughts, concerns, and beliefs in our decision.
Ultimately, we love the attitudes, decisions and hearts of our kids and who they are growing into so much. It gives us a great sense of joy to play this incredibly integral role in their academic, social, emotional, spiritual and cognitive development.
We love Cyber education with Agora!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Walking a dichotomous road after losing a child in the womb....
Over the past five years, since we delivered and buried our second child we have had much opportunity to walk the road of grief toward healing and hope alongside some of the most faith filled individuals. I personally don't know that the journey will ever "be complete" in the here and now. But, what I do know is that journeying it alone would be and would have been impossible.
On the very day we delivered Joeli a dear friend of my family traveled from Delaware to be physically present with us in the hospital. Her willingness to leave her tasks and meet us where we were was astounding. Why did she do that? Because she had walked our same road. Her first loss was, I believe her 3rd child, a daughter, born still at 23 weeks. Her name is Rachel and Janet described Rachel's features and how she longed for her life and misses her to "this day", which was then over a decade later. Janet also suffered the loss of twins at about 10 weeks pregnant. She dropped everything to be by our side because she knew the empty bitterness of what our hearts and my body were experiencing. And she mourned with us for what should have been.
There were many, like Janet, who walked with us through our most difficult hours, days, weeks and months. I thank God often for these deeply caring individuals.
After losing Joeli and waiting for many results to come back, we were told by the Dr.'s that they could find no clear reason for her death. It was scary, disheartening and confusing. No one could tell me why it happened, so naturally I blamed myself and tried to search for any and all reasons why this could have happened. Maybe it was the fibroid tumor in my uterus which had previously caused one Dr. to think I may never even bear children? Maybe it was the lunch meat I ate a week or two before finding out we had lost her? Maybe it was me accidentally sleeping on my stomach in the middle of the night? The list went on and on as my mind searched for answers. But there were none.
That is, I think, what scared me the most about ever becoming pregnant again. How could I prevent what I didn't even have a cause for? How could I be certain I would never have to hold and bury my cold lifeless child again? I did not feel capable of dealing with that. I didn't feel capable of handing this ever again. So initially I verbally decided I was, "done". I would never have children again. I would adopt. I would wait for God to show me what He had for us. But I never wanted to have another child ever again.
I remember one conversation with my dear faith-filled mom in my backyard. She asked me the question I dreaded. She asked if I wanted to try to have more children. Of course somewhere buried deep below the surface of my agony was the glimmer of hope and desire I had always had since my own childhood of having a big happy family with tons of laughter and carrying on. But, on the surface, I was still so numb and confused and afraid. Terrified, actually. I was terrified that if I did try again the same thing would happen. And how could I ever handle that? I still tell God I can't. But, I also told Him I felt I couldn't handle many things that I have now faced in my life. Anyway, that conversation ended with my mom telling me that she believed God had more children in store for my life yet and not to give up hope or faith. A terrible dichotomy of desiring something so deeply while at the very same time being terrified and almost closed off to ever wanting to try to trust "how it's meant to be" working out ever again. I left the conversation thankful for her faith but utterly wavering in my own regarding healthy pregnancy for myself.
Soon after this conversation we began meeting with several other couples from our church who had suffered similar losses and could relate to our questions, our fears, our confusion, our pain. They could relate to our dichotomous fear-filled desire to have more children. And, God, having the beautiful plans He does, chose to allow three of the five of us couples to conceive, each within five weeks of each other. The grace in that was indescribable!
To say I walked through my pregnancy with Sadie without fear would be the greatest lie I've ever told. I was absolutely petrified. In fact, it was such a terrible time with my anxiety there were many times I felt I was going to drown in fears almost literally. Every heartbeat check I would almost go into a full blown panic attack waiting for the blessed sound of the heartbeat. I had a sick feeling about the dates being so similar too. In fact, I cringed when I knew as soon as the test was positive that their due dates would align almost to the day. I was so terrified of being told my due date was again June 18th that I specifically said to the nurse as she was looking up what my date would be, "Whatever you do, don't tell me the 18th...if it is the 18th please just make up another date to tell me" And she said, "Don't worry I don't even have to lie to you, your due date is June 15th". I still felt a bit sick how aligned every date was going to be. It was all still so fresh with Joeli's dates. I could remember her first ultrasound, the first kicks, the first time I saw her on the screen dancing away, the first time Sean felt her moving...then all the bad dates.
Yet, our mysterious God took what the enemy meant for my fear, agony and harm and redeemed every date, every month, every moment of that year by Sadie's pregnancy going smoothly and each date is now filled with renewed hope and with an oil of gladness in place of where sorrow was. I thank God for this often!
When we got pregnant with Joeby Ray I made a conscious choice and verbally committed to God to not live in fear or anxiety, but to trust His plan no matter what may come. I had to moment to moment continue to walk out this surrender and new mindset. With Joeby's pregnancy I felt a peace and strength to face whatever may come that I did not feel with Sadie's pregnancy.
When I look back I see why I was so filled with doubts and fears with their pregnancies. It's completely normal and understandable to be afraid of what we have no control over. So, I've found true the scripture,
Luke 12:25
On the very day we delivered Joeli a dear friend of my family traveled from Delaware to be physically present with us in the hospital. Her willingness to leave her tasks and meet us where we were was astounding. Why did she do that? Because she had walked our same road. Her first loss was, I believe her 3rd child, a daughter, born still at 23 weeks. Her name is Rachel and Janet described Rachel's features and how she longed for her life and misses her to "this day", which was then over a decade later. Janet also suffered the loss of twins at about 10 weeks pregnant. She dropped everything to be by our side because she knew the empty bitterness of what our hearts and my body were experiencing. And she mourned with us for what should have been.
There were many, like Janet, who walked with us through our most difficult hours, days, weeks and months. I thank God often for these deeply caring individuals.
After losing Joeli and waiting for many results to come back, we were told by the Dr.'s that they could find no clear reason for her death. It was scary, disheartening and confusing. No one could tell me why it happened, so naturally I blamed myself and tried to search for any and all reasons why this could have happened. Maybe it was the fibroid tumor in my uterus which had previously caused one Dr. to think I may never even bear children? Maybe it was the lunch meat I ate a week or two before finding out we had lost her? Maybe it was me accidentally sleeping on my stomach in the middle of the night? The list went on and on as my mind searched for answers. But there were none.
That is, I think, what scared me the most about ever becoming pregnant again. How could I prevent what I didn't even have a cause for? How could I be certain I would never have to hold and bury my cold lifeless child again? I did not feel capable of dealing with that. I didn't feel capable of handing this ever again. So initially I verbally decided I was, "done". I would never have children again. I would adopt. I would wait for God to show me what He had for us. But I never wanted to have another child ever again.
I remember one conversation with my dear faith-filled mom in my backyard. She asked me the question I dreaded. She asked if I wanted to try to have more children. Of course somewhere buried deep below the surface of my agony was the glimmer of hope and desire I had always had since my own childhood of having a big happy family with tons of laughter and carrying on. But, on the surface, I was still so numb and confused and afraid. Terrified, actually. I was terrified that if I did try again the same thing would happen. And how could I ever handle that? I still tell God I can't. But, I also told Him I felt I couldn't handle many things that I have now faced in my life. Anyway, that conversation ended with my mom telling me that she believed God had more children in store for my life yet and not to give up hope or faith. A terrible dichotomy of desiring something so deeply while at the very same time being terrified and almost closed off to ever wanting to try to trust "how it's meant to be" working out ever again. I left the conversation thankful for her faith but utterly wavering in my own regarding healthy pregnancy for myself.
Soon after this conversation we began meeting with several other couples from our church who had suffered similar losses and could relate to our questions, our fears, our confusion, our pain. They could relate to our dichotomous fear-filled desire to have more children. And, God, having the beautiful plans He does, chose to allow three of the five of us couples to conceive, each within five weeks of each other. The grace in that was indescribable!
To say I walked through my pregnancy with Sadie without fear would be the greatest lie I've ever told. I was absolutely petrified. In fact, it was such a terrible time with my anxiety there were many times I felt I was going to drown in fears almost literally. Every heartbeat check I would almost go into a full blown panic attack waiting for the blessed sound of the heartbeat. I had a sick feeling about the dates being so similar too. In fact, I cringed when I knew as soon as the test was positive that their due dates would align almost to the day. I was so terrified of being told my due date was again June 18th that I specifically said to the nurse as she was looking up what my date would be, "Whatever you do, don't tell me the 18th...if it is the 18th please just make up another date to tell me" And she said, "Don't worry I don't even have to lie to you, your due date is June 15th". I still felt a bit sick how aligned every date was going to be. It was all still so fresh with Joeli's dates. I could remember her first ultrasound, the first kicks, the first time I saw her on the screen dancing away, the first time Sean felt her moving...then all the bad dates.
Yet, our mysterious God took what the enemy meant for my fear, agony and harm and redeemed every date, every month, every moment of that year by Sadie's pregnancy going smoothly and each date is now filled with renewed hope and with an oil of gladness in place of where sorrow was. I thank God for this often!
When we got pregnant with Joeby Ray I made a conscious choice and verbally committed to God to not live in fear or anxiety, but to trust His plan no matter what may come. I had to moment to moment continue to walk out this surrender and new mindset. With Joeby's pregnancy I felt a peace and strength to face whatever may come that I did not feel with Sadie's pregnancy.
When I look back I see why I was so filled with doubts and fears with their pregnancies. It's completely normal and understandable to be afraid of what we have no control over. So, I've found true the scripture,
Luke 12:25
And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span?
So today, instead of worrying, I have to continue walking in the conscious choice to trust the hand that both gives and takes life away. I have to, often times, moment to moment surrender my anxious thoughts and my fears to His loving arms.
I pray that as you walk your own journey and face whatever fears may come your way, that you face them boldly and laying aside your fears and worries. And I pray that, like us, you may find brave warrior friends who will stand in the fight with you and war with you to the glory of our God and King!!
So much love and prayers for yours (and my own) victory over doubt, fear and worry!
Love,
Abi
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The Run
Life,
it's like the run.
There are so many parallels, and again I have one to share.
Sometimes I run the race and feel a Force, the wind, so bitterly opposing me. This Force, it almost rises up against me to strike my face. The leaves and dust particles beat harshly against me and my legs feel scorched with heat as I strive to push on. Not much seems to be going for me. And the Force that seems so vehemently against my striving, as if almost fighting against my every step, stays angrily opposed in my path.
Yet, when I surrender my path and instead choose to turn around, this same Force allows the change; almost welcomes it. It's almost as if instead of being opposed to my step it is now gently propelling me onward. Lovingly and tenderly leading me toward the goal; toward Home. It was almost as if when running in the other direction the Force was, rather than opposing me face on, lovingly grasping my arms and holding me from behind me where He had been waiting from the other direction for me to turn. Graciously pulling my arms and trying to coerce me to turn around, to yield my way for another path; this was the same Force? This was the same God?
Yes.
All along, what seemed like opposition, bitter and biting was actually God revealing, or trying to reveal to my heart, the way I was on was not His. He wanted for me, another way, a way that would be filled with gentle loving reminders of His love, faithfulness and mercy. A way that although still filled with pain in the race, now had a Force leading me, guiding me, lovingly pushing me on.
Is He asking you to leave the path you're on? Are your days filled with dust particles burning your eyes and scratching your scorched face? Do you feel opposition in your decision? Maybe, just maybe it is not the angry bitter lashing hand of an authoritative Ruler God, but instead, strong, yet love-filled reminders that there is a better path to take. A way filled with less hurts and more joy. A path filled with less heartache and confusion and instead filled with more peace and hope.
His way still is a run, for this is, after all, life. And in life we have not yet tasted of his delightful, full restoration. But, in Him is hope for the future He promises to all those who believe on His Son and confess their need for Him.
I pray that today finds you seeking the Force that will lovingly guide you through this run, this life, as I have found Him and am ever grateful that through all my ups and downs, He loves!
~Abi
it's like the run.
There are so many parallels, and again I have one to share.
Sometimes I run the race and feel a Force, the wind, so bitterly opposing me. This Force, it almost rises up against me to strike my face. The leaves and dust particles beat harshly against me and my legs feel scorched with heat as I strive to push on. Not much seems to be going for me. And the Force that seems so vehemently against my striving, as if almost fighting against my every step, stays angrily opposed in my path.
Yet, when I surrender my path and instead choose to turn around, this same Force allows the change; almost welcomes it. It's almost as if instead of being opposed to my step it is now gently propelling me onward. Lovingly and tenderly leading me toward the goal; toward Home. It was almost as if when running in the other direction the Force was, rather than opposing me face on, lovingly grasping my arms and holding me from behind me where He had been waiting from the other direction for me to turn. Graciously pulling my arms and trying to coerce me to turn around, to yield my way for another path; this was the same Force? This was the same God?
Yes.
All along, what seemed like opposition, bitter and biting was actually God revealing, or trying to reveal to my heart, the way I was on was not His. He wanted for me, another way, a way that would be filled with gentle loving reminders of His love, faithfulness and mercy. A way that although still filled with pain in the race, now had a Force leading me, guiding me, lovingly pushing me on.
Is He asking you to leave the path you're on? Are your days filled with dust particles burning your eyes and scratching your scorched face? Do you feel opposition in your decision? Maybe, just maybe it is not the angry bitter lashing hand of an authoritative Ruler God, but instead, strong, yet love-filled reminders that there is a better path to take. A way filled with less hurts and more joy. A path filled with less heartache and confusion and instead filled with more peace and hope.
His way still is a run, for this is, after all, life. And in life we have not yet tasted of his delightful, full restoration. But, in Him is hope for the future He promises to all those who believe on His Son and confess their need for Him.
I pray that today finds you seeking the Force that will lovingly guide you through this run, this life, as I have found Him and am ever grateful that through all my ups and downs, He loves!
~Abi
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
From a Father's Heart...
My husband Sean shares his story...
Joeli Grace
When I think about what happened that night, everything comes flooding back like a terrible dream. No matter how far separated from the event by days, months or years I will never forget how I felt. It was the absolute worst night of my life.
It was Wednesday January 29, 2008. My wife Abi was pregnant with our second baby. The day started like any day should. I went to work in the morning and that evening we had plans for dinner at our close friends’ house. It also just so happened that we had a “routine” five month checkup scheduled in the afternoon and an ultrasound for the following day. I mention the ultrasound scheduled for the following day because we were very excited about it. We were going to find out if we were having a baby boy or girl.
I thank God to this day that I was there for that five month appointment. I could not imagine Abi being there alone. Up until this point I was so preoccupied with work that I had only been able to make one other appointment.
I vividly remember sitting in the waiting room. I was trying to entertain my two year old daughter, Seana, with a typical waiting room-like wooden playhouse and kitchen set. We were one of the last appointments of the day so there weren’t many people in there with us. What happened next started a chain of events that I wish God would have somehow spared us from.
Abi came out of the room with a desperate look on her face. All she said was “Sean, they can’t find the heart beat”. I had no idea what to think. My heart immediately sunk but I went straight into denial. As we walked out to the car I called our friends to cancel our previously arranged dinner plans. I asked my friend to keep the baby in prayer. I said something like, “I’m sure everything is fine but we just need to go in for an emergency ultrasound to find out what is going on”. I reassured Abi over and over again that everything was going to be okay.
We arrived at the hospital and were told to sit in the normal waiting room with another expecting mother, but Abi couldn’t handle it. She froze at the door and would not go in. We waited by ourselves outside of the triage until Abi's sister arrived. She was able to watch Seana for us.
Finally, we were called back and given a room. The technician got Abi ready for the ultrasound. Abi couldn’t see the screen but I could. She asked me to squeeze her hand if I saw a heartbeat. Until this point I was still convinced that somehow everything was going to be fine and the baby would be ok, but I was wrong. I stared at the screen in total disbelief. There was no heartbeat. I stared blankly at the screen for some time. I wanted to squeeze Abi’s hand so badly but I couldn’t. Everyone in the room was completely silent except for Abi. She screamed “No! Why God? Why?! “. I had never felt so helpless.
At this point we did not know what to do but we had to somehow come to accept the reality of what was happening so we asked them to use the Doppler. We thought that maybe if the baby was positioned strangely that we could at least hear the heartbeat. This brought a fleeting glimpse of hope when even the doctor could not tell whether he was hearing a slow baby heartbeat or Abi’s. They did another ultrasound only for us to view the lifeless screen one last time.
We were given two options. We could either go home and wait for nature to take its course, allowing Abi to go into labor naturally or be induced that night. I was overwhelmed by confusion and doubt. I still could not 100% believe that our baby was dead. Abi still kept telling me that she thought she felt movement. I did not know what to think but we had to face the facts. We had the results of two ultrasounds and the Doppler saying that there was no longer life in my wife’s belly. If we went home, we had no idea how long it could take. We didn’t think either of us could have handled that emotionally so we decided for Abi to be induced.
We were taken to another room were Abi would have the baby. It wasn’t the wing were healthy babies were born. It was different. It was such a weird and terrible feeling. I struggled with how to even define it. Abi wasn’t giving birth, our baby wasn’t alive. She was just going into labor.
We had been at this same hospital to give birth to a healthy baby just two years prior. The room this time was vaguely similar. There was a bed, a birthing ball, a room to take a hot shower but it just felt like we were there in vain. It was very eerie.
I stayed up with Abi all night waiting for the Pitocin to kick in and start contractions. There was no bed in this room other than the one that Abi was on so I just laid on the cold tile floor with a blanket. After several hours the contractions started. There was something very scary about this for me. I still wanted to believe that our baby was alive but when labor started it was the beginning of reality setting in. This was the point when I knew it was really over and I just erupted into tears. I was helpless.
Labor went into the following morning. It seemed like an eternity of drawn out, excruciating, emotional agony. I hated every second of it.
Nevertheless, God was still in control. He sent a terrible trial into our lives that day but He provided ways for us to get through it. There were not many things I could count as blessings at the time but I will say that He sent the most amazing nurse I think we could have possibly been given. Her name was Eleanor. I hope she somehow reads this someday because at the time I could not express to her just how much she meant to my wife and I. She was gentle, courteous, considerate and went out of her way to help us that day. Nothing could lessen the pain but Eleanor was a ray of light sent by God to let us know there was a way to get through this.
We had our baby late that morning. No doctors came in for the delivery because I guess there was no need. We had a baby girl. We named her Joeli Grace Dougherty. It was a very strange thing because I knew deep down that our little one was in heaven with Jesus and she probably had been for several days already. So we never really got to meet Joeli, we were just looking at her shell.
We spent some time with her shell that morning. We held her and kissed her, we took some pictures too. But most of all we cried. Abi and I sobbed for hours.
Later that day they told us we had to leave. Abi was in good health and there was no need to spend another night. Leaving was very hard for me. It felt so backward to be leaving my little girl wrapped up in a pink blanket all by herself in that cold, strange room. I just kept thinking that we were not supposed to be leaving there with empty arms. I had a lot of flashbacks to the first time we were at that hospital with our first healthy baby. Everything seemed completely opposite now. We got in the car, just Abi and I and drove away.
Abi and I got in a lot of arguments over the next couple of days. We were handling things very differently. At the time, I felt like we needed to be strong and I was not giving Abi adequate time to recover emotionally.
My parents traveled to be with us and to attend Joeli’s funeral. The night before we buried our daughter was the culmination of all of our frustrations. Abi and I got into the worst argument we had ever been in. We just screamed at each other at the top of our lungs and I think I got hit a few times while my parents probably just sat downstairs and listened. They must have felt so awkward.
Our argument ended in tears just like most all of our other arguments over the preceding several days. Together, we decided to go out and buy some nice outfits for the funeral. Also, at that moment I decided to just remain weak for awhile and forget about trying to be strong.
The funeral was an amazing outpouring of love from our friends and family. The funeral director said it was the most people he had ever seen for a stillbirth burial. Joeli’s body was very small. She actually fit into a small rectangular urn. We put her body into the ground that day at Mellinger's Mennonite Cemetery and said our goodbyes.
Although we never got to meet Joeli, I will never forget the precious time we had with her while she was still in the womb. I treasure the times I was able to put my face on my wife’s belly to be close to her. I cherish the kick I felt only a week or two prior. I will always remember that first ultrasound we had of her and seeing her little heart beating away.
One thing that I have always said about my little Joeli is that she taught me more in the short time we had with her than one would ever imagine a child could teach her father in a lifetime. She was such an amazing gift. After we lost Joeli I made a very purposeful choice to not be angry for the time I lost with her but to cherish those moments we had.
Joeli you made your daddy a better man. This story is in honor of you and the blessing you were to our family. Thank you.
When I think about what happened that night, everything comes flooding back like a terrible dream. No matter how far separated from the event by days, months or years I will never forget how I felt. It was the absolute worst night of my life.
It was Wednesday January 29, 2008. My wife Abi was pregnant with our second baby. The day started like any day should. I went to work in the morning and that evening we had plans for dinner at our close friends’ house. It also just so happened that we had a “routine” five month checkup scheduled in the afternoon and an ultrasound for the following day. I mention the ultrasound scheduled for the following day because we were very excited about it. We were going to find out if we were having a baby boy or girl.
I thank God to this day that I was there for that five month appointment. I could not imagine Abi being there alone. Up until this point I was so preoccupied with work that I had only been able to make one other appointment.
I vividly remember sitting in the waiting room. I was trying to entertain my two year old daughter, Seana, with a typical waiting room-like wooden playhouse and kitchen set. We were one of the last appointments of the day so there weren’t many people in there with us. What happened next started a chain of events that I wish God would have somehow spared us from.
Abi came out of the room with a desperate look on her face. All she said was “Sean, they can’t find the heart beat”. I had no idea what to think. My heart immediately sunk but I went straight into denial. As we walked out to the car I called our friends to cancel our previously arranged dinner plans. I asked my friend to keep the baby in prayer. I said something like, “I’m sure everything is fine but we just need to go in for an emergency ultrasound to find out what is going on”. I reassured Abi over and over again that everything was going to be okay.
We arrived at the hospital and were told to sit in the normal waiting room with another expecting mother, but Abi couldn’t handle it. She froze at the door and would not go in. We waited by ourselves outside of the triage until Abi's sister arrived. She was able to watch Seana for us.
Finally, we were called back and given a room. The technician got Abi ready for the ultrasound. Abi couldn’t see the screen but I could. She asked me to squeeze her hand if I saw a heartbeat. Until this point I was still convinced that somehow everything was going to be fine and the baby would be ok, but I was wrong. I stared at the screen in total disbelief. There was no heartbeat. I stared blankly at the screen for some time. I wanted to squeeze Abi’s hand so badly but I couldn’t. Everyone in the room was completely silent except for Abi. She screamed “No! Why God? Why?! “. I had never felt so helpless.
At this point we did not know what to do but we had to somehow come to accept the reality of what was happening so we asked them to use the Doppler. We thought that maybe if the baby was positioned strangely that we could at least hear the heartbeat. This brought a fleeting glimpse of hope when even the doctor could not tell whether he was hearing a slow baby heartbeat or Abi’s. They did another ultrasound only for us to view the lifeless screen one last time.
We were given two options. We could either go home and wait for nature to take its course, allowing Abi to go into labor naturally or be induced that night. I was overwhelmed by confusion and doubt. I still could not 100% believe that our baby was dead. Abi still kept telling me that she thought she felt movement. I did not know what to think but we had to face the facts. We had the results of two ultrasounds and the Doppler saying that there was no longer life in my wife’s belly. If we went home, we had no idea how long it could take. We didn’t think either of us could have handled that emotionally so we decided for Abi to be induced.
We were taken to another room were Abi would have the baby. It wasn’t the wing were healthy babies were born. It was different. It was such a weird and terrible feeling. I struggled with how to even define it. Abi wasn’t giving birth, our baby wasn’t alive. She was just going into labor.
We had been at this same hospital to give birth to a healthy baby just two years prior. The room this time was vaguely similar. There was a bed, a birthing ball, a room to take a hot shower but it just felt like we were there in vain. It was very eerie.
I stayed up with Abi all night waiting for the Pitocin to kick in and start contractions. There was no bed in this room other than the one that Abi was on so I just laid on the cold tile floor with a blanket. After several hours the contractions started. There was something very scary about this for me. I still wanted to believe that our baby was alive but when labor started it was the beginning of reality setting in. This was the point when I knew it was really over and I just erupted into tears. I was helpless.
Labor went into the following morning. It seemed like an eternity of drawn out, excruciating, emotional agony. I hated every second of it.
Nevertheless, God was still in control. He sent a terrible trial into our lives that day but He provided ways for us to get through it. There were not many things I could count as blessings at the time but I will say that He sent the most amazing nurse I think we could have possibly been given. Her name was Eleanor. I hope she somehow reads this someday because at the time I could not express to her just how much she meant to my wife and I. She was gentle, courteous, considerate and went out of her way to help us that day. Nothing could lessen the pain but Eleanor was a ray of light sent by God to let us know there was a way to get through this.
We had our baby late that morning. No doctors came in for the delivery because I guess there was no need. We had a baby girl. We named her Joeli Grace Dougherty. It was a very strange thing because I knew deep down that our little one was in heaven with Jesus and she probably had been for several days already. So we never really got to meet Joeli, we were just looking at her shell.
We spent some time with her shell that morning. We held her and kissed her, we took some pictures too. But most of all we cried. Abi and I sobbed for hours.
Later that day they told us we had to leave. Abi was in good health and there was no need to spend another night. Leaving was very hard for me. It felt so backward to be leaving my little girl wrapped up in a pink blanket all by herself in that cold, strange room. I just kept thinking that we were not supposed to be leaving there with empty arms. I had a lot of flashbacks to the first time we were at that hospital with our first healthy baby. Everything seemed completely opposite now. We got in the car, just Abi and I and drove away.
Abi and I got in a lot of arguments over the next couple of days. We were handling things very differently. At the time, I felt like we needed to be strong and I was not giving Abi adequate time to recover emotionally.
My parents traveled to be with us and to attend Joeli’s funeral. The night before we buried our daughter was the culmination of all of our frustrations. Abi and I got into the worst argument we had ever been in. We just screamed at each other at the top of our lungs and I think I got hit a few times while my parents probably just sat downstairs and listened. They must have felt so awkward.
Our argument ended in tears just like most all of our other arguments over the preceding several days. Together, we decided to go out and buy some nice outfits for the funeral. Also, at that moment I decided to just remain weak for awhile and forget about trying to be strong.
The funeral was an amazing outpouring of love from our friends and family. The funeral director said it was the most people he had ever seen for a stillbirth burial. Joeli’s body was very small. She actually fit into a small rectangular urn. We put her body into the ground that day at Mellinger's Mennonite Cemetery and said our goodbyes.
Although we never got to meet Joeli, I will never forget the precious time we had with her while she was still in the womb. I treasure the times I was able to put my face on my wife’s belly to be close to her. I cherish the kick I felt only a week or two prior. I will always remember that first ultrasound we had of her and seeing her little heart beating away.
One thing that I have always said about my little Joeli is that she taught me more in the short time we had with her than one would ever imagine a child could teach her father in a lifetime. She was such an amazing gift. After we lost Joeli I made a very purposeful choice to not be angry for the time I lost with her but to cherish those moments we had.
Joeli you made your daddy a better man. This story is in honor of you and the blessing you were to our family. Thank you.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Written 3 years ago in honor of Joeli's 2nd Birthday
This is Joeli's testimony...please feel free to copy and paste this or email it or share it with whomever as a way to keep her legacy going! Thank you for taking the time to read this and forward it and hopefully share the Good News:)
Happy 2nd Birthday Joeli Grace:)
I Remember You Joeli Grace Dougherty
I remember that day that I began to think, "Hmm is there someone forming within me?”
I remember the day that I took that test; the one that made me gasp with joy, the one that took my breath away, the one that put a sizzle in my feet as I leapt with excitement and thankfulness.
I remember the way I felt when I called Daddy to say, "Happy early Father's Day again", to which he replied, "No way!”
I remember the tears welling up in your Grandpa's eyes as I shared the joyous news of your growing little self and the silly way Grandma answered when I said, "By the way, did I tell you Seana's gonna be a big sister?" Now Grandma said, "Oh, yeah...wait, what?" and Grandpa and your Uncle Joe said, "Abi are you serious?"
I remember the sweet words my Dad whispered in my ear, that I treasure to this day.
I remember the first time I saw you bouncing around deep within me, growing, heart-beating, praising the Father just by your beautiful form.
I remember the thoughts I had of you, the anticipation of your arrival, and the plans for your future.
I remember your sister "feeding" you, through my belly button and always kissing you and saying, "Love you baby".
I remember all those treasured first kicks and squirms I felt, those tiny little movements in the hidden place.
I remember our times together when I’d sit and talk to you and tell you I love you and pray for you before bed.
I remember all the beautiful things that I treasure and am so thankful the Lord blessed me with before you left this world to see glory and experience true Light.
Then, there is darkness, a place where no glimmer of light shines, a place inside my mind I wish had no existence.
It is the place where all the awful memories lie, where they are stored away, where I try so hard to push them so far away that sometimes I forget they exist-even if for a moment- and I “pretend” you are here in my arms; safe, heart beating steadily, baby breath on my neck as I rock you to sleep, stinky little toes that I tickle while I change your little diaper, giggling with your sister in the back seat as we drive, you smiling at me as I kiss you goodnight.
Yet these dreams I had for you are starkly contrasted by the harsh reality that you are no more. Your precious little hands and feet, your body, so small yet so amazingly formed and knit together, lies in the grave.
I remember the things any mother who's experienced a loss would wish to forget.
“Why do you share this?” one may ask. To that I say, read on, and see; see how darkness is erased in the light, the True Light.
I remember that appointment, my five month regular check up when they could not find a heartbeat.
The somber look on the practitioner’s faces…The loud obnoxious happiness outside our anxious, heartbroken and silent room after we arrived at the hospital in triage.
The quiet voices that tried to say, “There’s no heartbeat”. How it happened: They walked in the room, I’d told Sean, if you see the baby moving and heart beating just smile at me and nod. See, they’d placed the screen away from me so I couldn’t see. Well, the technician came in and began, and well, all I remember is this blank stare of confusion on Sean’s face. From here it gets kind of blurry as everything seems to be traveling into a dark hole. I grabbed the screen and for a brief moment beheld your lifeless frame on the screen, not dancing, no heart beating; it was just you lying there. My heart breaking—I remember I just wanted to name you, to give you a name and speak it. I asked, “What is it?” But because of how you laid there was no way to tell you were my little girl.
I remember the loud scream, wail, sobbing, utterly helpless noise I made as I cried out, “NO!”
I remember holding on to some glimmer of hope as those moments held such confusion and fear.
I remember thinking, “but I just felt a kick…like a week or so ago” and poking and jiggling myself as if trying to invoke some type of reaction, a kick, a squirm, anything…..NOTHING.
But I remember getting these muscle twitches and thinking-“maybe, maybe that was the baby.”
And then the Doctor came in to try and get a heartbeat on the Doppler to assure me that it was a reality since it just was not sinking in that you were gone. And as he tried it seemed there was a faint heartbeat and even he could not be sure it was not you. He ordered another ultrasound and this time I sat full faced in the view of the screen, as if waiting to scream out, “THANK YOU GOD-I know You work miracles”-all the while praying His hand would resurrect you or sustain you if you were alive but hurt.
And the screen was still.
The screen was still?
The screen was still.
My heart pounding…
My heart breaking…
Then we began discussing, “our options”. 1. Go home and wait a few more days to see if I begin labor on my own, 2. Go through surgery or 3. Be induced and try to birth naturally.
These options all seemed so cold. How could we, how could I choose which way I wanted this ordeal to end? It was inevitable, I would give birth to death and that is still a reality that stings me to my core.
We decided to stay and be induced.
Induced?
Induced into labor-before I’d always thought of labor as the progression to joy, celebration, LIFE…
But now, it was a cold, dark, seemingly pointless way to deliver my child who would never breathe our air or see my face.
Then a prayer, from the depths of my soul, relinquishing my “right” to have you as my own, my “right” to have my way, my desires, my plans come to pass…and instead acknowledging that even amidst my devastation, He was in control and He would indeed prosper me and give me a hope for the future. A prayer for help. For a speedy delivery, free of complications. And He does answer prayer! And He did answer prayer!
And so it began, a long process of needles and medicine and pain.
Overnight the contractions would come, back and forth, like waves on the sea. I would breathe out as if to blow them away from me and then back they would flow upon me again like a never ending punishing tide.
And then there was family, surrounding me, like a blanket of love and comfort and strength. There were these gentle encouraging words of a sorrowful Father and Mother. There were kind soft calming strokes upon my head and hands from my Husband and my Sister. There were soft whispers of, “I’m so sorry” and “We love you!”
But, again before you knew it, those moments were over as the work of delivery approached.
I cannot describe it any other way than it was horrible.
The worst feeling I’ve ever had in my life.
The halls were so quiet, the nurses weren’t joyous and smiling, they were quiet and somber.
My next memories are too awful to recount, as I delivered death rather than life. We remember how “backwards” it all felt.
It was over and I wept bitterly aloud.
There you were, wrapped in a soft pink blanket, a blanket that was small enough to be called a washcloth. Your frame was perfect, ten unbelievably small toes and ten delicately beautiful fingers-perfect-just perfect. Your eyes, nose, ears, mouth, arms and knees-all so remarkably small, yet intricately formed and beautifully crafted by God. There you were in my arms.
It was over. And soon we would have to leave. We would go and you would stay there, all alone, by yourself. Lying in your quiet cradle rather than in my arms, it was so backwards. I felt so terrible, sick, awful leaving you there.
Leave the hospital empty handed.
Leave empty handed? And there we were leaving empty handed, empty and lonely and hurting, confused and in shock, some of the worst moments and feelings in my life. Again the question may be asked, “Why recount all these terrible memories too? Why not just focus on the positive and have that be the end of it? Why remember the bitter heartache, the hurt, the pain, the emptiness?”
And here it is, the answer.
Jesus.
Jesus?
Yes, Jesus. He is The Answer. The Truth… The Light... The Way… and The Life.
So now Joeli I will try for a moment to speak not to you, but for you and in your memory…
Because you see my friend, in Him, though we die, we yet LIVE! That word means so much more to me now!
Live!
Because though she dies, she yet lives with Him…Her body in the grave, but her spirit with her Maker. And for that I rejoice.
I rejoice.
I REJOICE!
In Him, weeping may last for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning. Because His Word tells us that in this world we will have trouble but to take heart for He has overcome the world. See I share both the good and the bad because I choose to believe that through the good I am thankful and blessed and through the bad I am reminded that this life is but a glimmer, a moment, a brief breathe—but His eternal life, that is what lasts, that is what I long for, that is what I rejoice in! We are not promised life without death or pain or struggle here, but in fact it was His original intent for life to be without these. No, but He gives gladness for mourning, beauty for ashes, and praise in place of despair.
And let me just say, it is joy that I have found! For He gives life and life more abundantly!
So Joeli, my dear sweet Joeli Grace, I remember you! And I will always honor your memory by sharing what I believe God’s purpose was in your life. To share of His miraculous love...Of His power over life and death…Of His grace that is more than enough…Of His creativity in molding you and making you…Of His desire for each of His creations to turn and praise their Maker—
So Joeli, you leave behind a legacy of sharing the Good News of Christ Jesus, my sweet child. The News that Jesus Christ died and now lives again and has conquered the power of sin and death. And that He loves us and wants to call us His own. He promises in John 1:9 and 10, “That if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved! For it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved and it is with your heart that you believe and are justified.”
I remember you Joeli Grace Dougherty.
I remember you.
~In Honor of my dear sweet Joeli Grace Dougherty born 1/30/08, weighing a mere 4.9 ounces and measuring 8 inches long. She may have been small in frame, but may her legacy be big enough to last a lifetime!
Written by Mommy:)
~Abigail Dougherty
1/30/2010
Happy 2nd Birthday Joeli Grace:)
I Remember You Joeli Grace Dougherty
I remember that day that I began to think, "Hmm is there someone forming within me?”
I remember the day that I took that test; the one that made me gasp with joy, the one that took my breath away, the one that put a sizzle in my feet as I leapt with excitement and thankfulness.
I remember the way I felt when I called Daddy to say, "Happy early Father's Day again", to which he replied, "No way!”
I remember the tears welling up in your Grandpa's eyes as I shared the joyous news of your growing little self and the silly way Grandma answered when I said, "By the way, did I tell you Seana's gonna be a big sister?" Now Grandma said, "Oh, yeah...wait, what?" and Grandpa and your Uncle Joe said, "Abi are you serious?"
I remember the sweet words my Dad whispered in my ear, that I treasure to this day.
I remember the first time I saw you bouncing around deep within me, growing, heart-beating, praising the Father just by your beautiful form.
I remember the thoughts I had of you, the anticipation of your arrival, and the plans for your future.
I remember your sister "feeding" you, through my belly button and always kissing you and saying, "Love you baby".
I remember all those treasured first kicks and squirms I felt, those tiny little movements in the hidden place.
I remember our times together when I’d sit and talk to you and tell you I love you and pray for you before bed.
I remember all the beautiful things that I treasure and am so thankful the Lord blessed me with before you left this world to see glory and experience true Light.
Then, there is darkness, a place where no glimmer of light shines, a place inside my mind I wish had no existence.
It is the place where all the awful memories lie, where they are stored away, where I try so hard to push them so far away that sometimes I forget they exist-even if for a moment- and I “pretend” you are here in my arms; safe, heart beating steadily, baby breath on my neck as I rock you to sleep, stinky little toes that I tickle while I change your little diaper, giggling with your sister in the back seat as we drive, you smiling at me as I kiss you goodnight.
Yet these dreams I had for you are starkly contrasted by the harsh reality that you are no more. Your precious little hands and feet, your body, so small yet so amazingly formed and knit together, lies in the grave.
I remember the things any mother who's experienced a loss would wish to forget.
“Why do you share this?” one may ask. To that I say, read on, and see; see how darkness is erased in the light, the True Light.
I remember that appointment, my five month regular check up when they could not find a heartbeat.
The somber look on the practitioner’s faces…The loud obnoxious happiness outside our anxious, heartbroken and silent room after we arrived at the hospital in triage.
The quiet voices that tried to say, “There’s no heartbeat”. How it happened: They walked in the room, I’d told Sean, if you see the baby moving and heart beating just smile at me and nod. See, they’d placed the screen away from me so I couldn’t see. Well, the technician came in and began, and well, all I remember is this blank stare of confusion on Sean’s face. From here it gets kind of blurry as everything seems to be traveling into a dark hole. I grabbed the screen and for a brief moment beheld your lifeless frame on the screen, not dancing, no heart beating; it was just you lying there. My heart breaking—I remember I just wanted to name you, to give you a name and speak it. I asked, “What is it?” But because of how you laid there was no way to tell you were my little girl.
I remember the loud scream, wail, sobbing, utterly helpless noise I made as I cried out, “NO!”
I remember holding on to some glimmer of hope as those moments held such confusion and fear.
I remember thinking, “but I just felt a kick…like a week or so ago” and poking and jiggling myself as if trying to invoke some type of reaction, a kick, a squirm, anything…..NOTHING.
But I remember getting these muscle twitches and thinking-“maybe, maybe that was the baby.”
And then the Doctor came in to try and get a heartbeat on the Doppler to assure me that it was a reality since it just was not sinking in that you were gone. And as he tried it seemed there was a faint heartbeat and even he could not be sure it was not you. He ordered another ultrasound and this time I sat full faced in the view of the screen, as if waiting to scream out, “THANK YOU GOD-I know You work miracles”-all the while praying His hand would resurrect you or sustain you if you were alive but hurt.
And the screen was still.
The screen was still?
The screen was still.
My heart pounding…
My heart breaking…
Then we began discussing, “our options”. 1. Go home and wait a few more days to see if I begin labor on my own, 2. Go through surgery or 3. Be induced and try to birth naturally.
These options all seemed so cold. How could we, how could I choose which way I wanted this ordeal to end? It was inevitable, I would give birth to death and that is still a reality that stings me to my core.
We decided to stay and be induced.
Induced?
Induced into labor-before I’d always thought of labor as the progression to joy, celebration, LIFE…
But now, it was a cold, dark, seemingly pointless way to deliver my child who would never breathe our air or see my face.
Then a prayer, from the depths of my soul, relinquishing my “right” to have you as my own, my “right” to have my way, my desires, my plans come to pass…and instead acknowledging that even amidst my devastation, He was in control and He would indeed prosper me and give me a hope for the future. A prayer for help. For a speedy delivery, free of complications. And He does answer prayer! And He did answer prayer!
And so it began, a long process of needles and medicine and pain.
Overnight the contractions would come, back and forth, like waves on the sea. I would breathe out as if to blow them away from me and then back they would flow upon me again like a never ending punishing tide.
And then there was family, surrounding me, like a blanket of love and comfort and strength. There were these gentle encouraging words of a sorrowful Father and Mother. There were kind soft calming strokes upon my head and hands from my Husband and my Sister. There were soft whispers of, “I’m so sorry” and “We love you!”
But, again before you knew it, those moments were over as the work of delivery approached.
I cannot describe it any other way than it was horrible.
The worst feeling I’ve ever had in my life.
The halls were so quiet, the nurses weren’t joyous and smiling, they were quiet and somber.
My next memories are too awful to recount, as I delivered death rather than life. We remember how “backwards” it all felt.
It was over and I wept bitterly aloud.
There you were, wrapped in a soft pink blanket, a blanket that was small enough to be called a washcloth. Your frame was perfect, ten unbelievably small toes and ten delicately beautiful fingers-perfect-just perfect. Your eyes, nose, ears, mouth, arms and knees-all so remarkably small, yet intricately formed and beautifully crafted by God. There you were in my arms.
It was over. And soon we would have to leave. We would go and you would stay there, all alone, by yourself. Lying in your quiet cradle rather than in my arms, it was so backwards. I felt so terrible, sick, awful leaving you there.
Leave the hospital empty handed.
Leave empty handed? And there we were leaving empty handed, empty and lonely and hurting, confused and in shock, some of the worst moments and feelings in my life. Again the question may be asked, “Why recount all these terrible memories too? Why not just focus on the positive and have that be the end of it? Why remember the bitter heartache, the hurt, the pain, the emptiness?”
And here it is, the answer.
Jesus.
Jesus?
Yes, Jesus. He is The Answer. The Truth… The Light... The Way… and The Life.
So now Joeli I will try for a moment to speak not to you, but for you and in your memory…
Because you see my friend, in Him, though we die, we yet LIVE! That word means so much more to me now!
Live!
Because though she dies, she yet lives with Him…Her body in the grave, but her spirit with her Maker. And for that I rejoice.
I rejoice.
I REJOICE!
In Him, weeping may last for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning. Because His Word tells us that in this world we will have trouble but to take heart for He has overcome the world. See I share both the good and the bad because I choose to believe that through the good I am thankful and blessed and through the bad I am reminded that this life is but a glimmer, a moment, a brief breathe—but His eternal life, that is what lasts, that is what I long for, that is what I rejoice in! We are not promised life without death or pain or struggle here, but in fact it was His original intent for life to be without these. No, but He gives gladness for mourning, beauty for ashes, and praise in place of despair.
And let me just say, it is joy that I have found! For He gives life and life more abundantly!
So Joeli, my dear sweet Joeli Grace, I remember you! And I will always honor your memory by sharing what I believe God’s purpose was in your life. To share of His miraculous love...Of His power over life and death…Of His grace that is more than enough…Of His creativity in molding you and making you…Of His desire for each of His creations to turn and praise their Maker—
So Joeli, you leave behind a legacy of sharing the Good News of Christ Jesus, my sweet child. The News that Jesus Christ died and now lives again and has conquered the power of sin and death. And that He loves us and wants to call us His own. He promises in John 1:9 and 10, “That if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved! For it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved and it is with your heart that you believe and are justified.”
I remember you Joeli Grace Dougherty.
I remember you.
~In Honor of my dear sweet Joeli Grace Dougherty born 1/30/08, weighing a mere 4.9 ounces and measuring 8 inches long. She may have been small in frame, but may her legacy be big enough to last a lifetime!
Written by Mommy:)
~Abigail Dougherty
1/30/2010
Joeli's delicate prints:)
Monday, January 7, 2013
FIVE years...
Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… before you were born I set you apart.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… before you were born I set you apart.
1 Samuel 1:27-28 paraphrased… We prayed for this child…So now we give her to the Lord. And we choose to worship HIM.
Joeli
Grace Dougherty was born our second child, a daughter, on January 30th
2008. It was not the way we wanted it to happen. We miss her deeply to this day;
she is still a part of our family that we hold very dear. Her 5th
birthday is coming up and we ask you to celebrate her life, short as it was,
with us! We are honoring the life she lived by donating FIVE winter necessities
to local charities. We ask that you consider joining us in honoring her memory
in this beautiful way. We believe one of Joeli’s God-given purposes was to
embolden us to share of HIS great love and HIS ETERAL life, a life that goes on
after “death”. After all, death is but a shadow, and a shadow is nothing more
than a dark area between Light… we believe that although her earthly life has
ended, her spirit remains and lives on in the love-filled presence of her
Maker. So, would you also consider sharing this peace and joy-filled news of
eternal life through Jesus with FIVE people you come in contact with throughout
January? Maybe a cashier, maybe a friend, maybe a child… As you do, remember
our little Joeli with us and maybe say a prayer for us and for anyone else you
know who has been affected by miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.
It happens more frequently than you think and many women do not speak about it
for various reasons. I choose to speak about it for several reasons, one of
which is the fact that I fully believe her purpose was to embolden my family to
share the saving news of the LIFE we have found in Jesus. Joeli did not just
die, she also lived and MORE IMPORTANTLY she ALSO LIVES. If I did not full
heartedly believe this last statement there would be only empty, dark, bitterly
cold tears drenching my bed day and night continually in her absence. However,
because of His love, His promises, His strength and hope, WE walk on in faith
trusting that we will see her again and we will stand together and praise the
One who Made us.
Thank you for sharing in celebrating Joeli Grace’s life in this meaningful way with us this January! We have appreciated the support, prayers, and love from so many friends and family as we’ve walked this journey the past five years. Never underestimate the strength and peace found in a simple hug, phone call or act of kindness.
My
prayer for you this January 30th is that through Joeli’s life and
story you may be blessed and led closer to the heart of your Maker, the One who
loves you beyond description and holds in store for you a HOPE of a future
restoration and healing!
~Abi
For more of Joeli's story and also to read the stories of those who have walked closest with us during our grief journey please visit www.heavenslullaby.blogspot.com thank you deeply and whole-heartedly.
For more of Joeli's story and also to read the stories of those who have walked closest with us during our grief journey please visit www.heavenslullaby.blogspot.com thank you deeply and whole-heartedly.
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