For years now journal entries have contained my conversations with God about what He has called and created me to be.
This day was different though.
Almost exactly a year ago now God spoke.
In a new way.
2/08/15
I've let fear lead me for so long. Today Sean and I discussed career dreams again. But, it always raises my anxiety to a high level. I feel defeated and like a failure before I've even tried. I've already been living out my dream of being a wife and a mom. If I view my goal and dream of Midwifery step by step, year by year, class by class, semester by semester, exam and assignment at a time I just mah be successful and able to accomplish the BSN and onto Midwifery Doctorate. One day I may look back on this journal entry and this choice of view shift as a pivotal moment to me living out my dreams, passions and callings.
Sean's belief in me is a backbone of faith and encouragement. What a blessing to have such a supportive partner in life and dreams!
As we discussed this choice we chose to wait until the Summer of 2016 for the kids to be a bit more ready for me to spend more time away. They are still my number one dream and blessing and responsibility. I am believing God will continue to mold me into the woman He has created me to be. I'm so excited as I step out in faith in these big ways for what He has planned for my life! I'm still scared. But as they say, "do it afraid"! I love how God gave me a strong passion and desire for seeing families whole and healthy and understanding child growth and development. And that He led me to Early Childhood Education and Bible as my first Degree. I love how He melts all our passions and dreams into one beautiful picture.
As I was at a beautiful worship event this summer a word was spoken over me. I will cherish it as sacred and continue pursuing all that God has called me to in creating a CD and the books He is speaking into my heart and using them as teaching opportunities. Taking it very seriously as teachers are held accountable for all they lead others into... My heart will cry out Truth always! Even when my voice shakes. Even when it hurts. And always in full knowledge of the great grace my soul has been offered--oh what a joyous reason to rejoice--I was lost, I am weak, I am a weary sinner but His hand is greater still and in His hands I am set free! Praise God!
So go on, don't let fear hold you back any longer! Go pursue your dreams! It is, after all, HIM, who places them within us. He wants to see us pursue and create and be all He has called us to be and accomplish!
All glory to God!
Thanking His voice for speaking to me!
-Abi
Each day make a joyful noise in this backWORDZ world. Choose to live life moment by moment in the extravagant love of your Father.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
On those days when the body is aching from a cold...
STEW!
Stew is the answer!
THIS STEW
Recipe:
- Base is about 1/2 gallon of water and about 1/4 cup of milk (we often use Lactaid because of an intolerance in the family)
- 1/2 C of unsalted butter
- 15 oz. pre-cooked pulled chicken (I used leftovers from a Rotisserie)
- 1 large organic carrot, diced
- 1 seven bean mix (1.25 lbs. of dry beans)
- A good dose of salt over the top of the soup
- 1/2 a small onion, diced
- 1 clove of garlic, diced
- A handful of portabella (baby Bella) mushrooms, diced
Crockpot on high 8-10 hours, stir every couple hours
STEW!
Stew is the answer!
THIS STEW
Recipe:
- Base is about 1/2 gallon of water and about 1/4 cup of milk (we often use Lactaid because of an intolerance in the family)
- 1/2 C of unsalted butter
- 15 oz. pre-cooked pulled chicken (I used leftovers from a Rotisserie)
- 1 large organic carrot, diced
- 1 seven bean mix (1.25 lbs. of dry beans)
- A good dose of salt over the top of the soup
- 1/2 a small onion, diced
- 1 clove of garlic, diced
- A handful of portabella (baby Bella) mushrooms, diced
Crockpot on high 8-10 hours, stir every couple hours
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Married with kids...
Just a short blog about married with kids...
The other night he did it.
He said that thing that struck that chord.
But I held my breath and my tongue and waited and purposed in my heart to hear him out.
And then I did it.
I said that thing that was in my heart.
But not right away.
I said a quick prayer in my heart that I purposed this year to do each time I am tempted to be led by emotions rather than truth.
And I invited God into my emotions and my response.
And something pretty neat happened.
I voiced my heart in calmness and poise, but in truth.
Back the story up... I said some harsh words and admitted right away I meant them to be harsh so he could see how his words have lately been toward me (that was wise and godly right?!--NOT!) so then he entered the room and shut the door behind him. UH OH!
Then he said it.
The root.
And so I listened and determined a solution to uprooting that root and instead finding healthy water to grow the tree of our marriage stronger.
So with honesty and communication we both chose instead of not recognizing or admitting a root to bring it from darkness into light.
But not only that, we then also spoke in controlled ways and decided that action had to be taken to remove unhealthy weed roots and action had to be taken to water our relationship so not only weed out the bad but also water in the good in its place!!
Bottom line, I will let you guess about what we discussed! In marriage there are many times when disagreement and hurt can damage the relationship... But we have coined the saying we may fight hard but we will ALWAYS choose to love harder!
Questions to ask yourself today:
-What weeds need removed from our hearts and lives in order to make room for healthier roots to thrive?
-What ways can we water our marriage tree?
-Have I invited God into my emotional responses?
-Have I committed to ALWAYS LOVE HARDER?
-Have I not only communicated my needs/desires but also taken time to brainstorm a root and a solution?
The other night he did it.
He said that thing that struck that chord.
But I held my breath and my tongue and waited and purposed in my heart to hear him out.
And then I did it.
I said that thing that was in my heart.
But not right away.
I said a quick prayer in my heart that I purposed this year to do each time I am tempted to be led by emotions rather than truth.
And I invited God into my emotions and my response.
And something pretty neat happened.
I voiced my heart in calmness and poise, but in truth.
Back the story up... I said some harsh words and admitted right away I meant them to be harsh so he could see how his words have lately been toward me (that was wise and godly right?!--NOT!) so then he entered the room and shut the door behind him. UH OH!
Then he said it.
The root.
And so I listened and determined a solution to uprooting that root and instead finding healthy water to grow the tree of our marriage stronger.
So with honesty and communication we both chose instead of not recognizing or admitting a root to bring it from darkness into light.
But not only that, we then also spoke in controlled ways and decided that action had to be taken to remove unhealthy weed roots and action had to be taken to water our relationship so not only weed out the bad but also water in the good in its place!!
Bottom line, I will let you guess about what we discussed! In marriage there are many times when disagreement and hurt can damage the relationship... But we have coined the saying we may fight hard but we will ALWAYS choose to love harder!
Questions to ask yourself today:
-What weeds need removed from our hearts and lives in order to make room for healthier roots to thrive?
-What ways can we water our marriage tree?
-Have I invited God into my emotional responses?
-Have I committed to ALWAYS LOVE HARDER?
-Have I not only communicated my needs/desires but also taken time to brainstorm a root and a solution?
Ephesians 4:31-32New Living Translation (NLT)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Praying God is involved in our marriages today in a new way!
Blessings friends!
WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
If you read and appreciated this post today would you be willing to send me some marriage topics you would like hearing more about to help grow your marriage tree stronger?! If you read marriage blogs from husband and wife perspective what would you appreciate growing more understanding in?! Thanks so much in advance!
Abi.dougherty@yahoo.com
WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
If you read and appreciated this post today would you be willing to send me some marriage topics you would like hearing more about to help grow your marriage tree stronger?! If you read marriage blogs from husband and wife perspective what would you appreciate growing more understanding in?! Thanks so much in advance!
Abi.dougherty@yahoo.com
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Love.
The burden.
The weight.
It rests on me.
I try to let it go or refocus my thoughts or shift them.
But still it remains.
Heavy on me.
Like a dull beating drum.
Like the panting of a race horse after the heat.
Love has become lie.
Fiercely drown out is truth.
Sincerity disparity God gives us clarity.
I don't know a single father who would let their son wander to the edge of a chasm
Or one single mother who would be acting in love to let them explore beyond the boundary
Where safety is threatened
But freedom has beckoned
Is it freedom at all though, past the edge, off the ledge?
Many of us pledge we walk in love
But like Chris Rice sang,
"sometimes Love has to drive a nail into His own hand."
Love, sincere love, hates what is evil, clings to good.
Love, sincere love, sacrifices, repents, forgives,
Walks humbly, justly, rightly
Lays itself, self, I said self, down
Fully ready and expectant, expectant, I said expectant
To stand in truth, to stand, stand, I said stand
Love, sincere love, recognizes the great cost involved with true love
It bows low regularly,
Leaving the burden
The weight
Rest on me
Like a freedom, freedom, I said freedom that is truly not free
This freedom cost Him everything
And left me with the greatest gift
The only of three to remain
Faith, hope
And
Love.
The weight.
It rests on me.
I try to let it go or refocus my thoughts or shift them.
But still it remains.
Heavy on me.
Like a dull beating drum.
Like the panting of a race horse after the heat.
Love has become lie.
Fiercely drown out is truth.
Sincerity disparity God gives us clarity.
I don't know a single father who would let their son wander to the edge of a chasm
Or one single mother who would be acting in love to let them explore beyond the boundary
Where safety is threatened
But freedom has beckoned
Is it freedom at all though, past the edge, off the ledge?
Many of us pledge we walk in love
But like Chris Rice sang,
"sometimes Love has to drive a nail into His own hand."
Love, sincere love, hates what is evil, clings to good.
Love, sincere love, sacrifices, repents, forgives,
Walks humbly, justly, rightly
Lays itself, self, I said self, down
Fully ready and expectant, expectant, I said expectant
To stand in truth, to stand, stand, I said stand
Love, sincere love, recognizes the great cost involved with true love
It bows low regularly,
Leaving the burden
The weight
Rest on me
Like a freedom, freedom, I said freedom that is truly not free
This freedom cost Him everything
And left me with the greatest gift
The only of three to remain
Faith, hope
And
Love.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Relying Upon Him-He is ABLE
My heart on paper.
Some days I can feel so alone. Some days I can feel so inadequate, incapable, insecure. Feelings shift and change day to day, moment to moment. I'm thankful my feelings change. I'm thankful for being a creation made to experience different emotions, thoughts, feelings. Yet, managing my thoughts, feelings and emotions in a godly way is often a task that feels too high a call; too steep a climb.
I was excited and happy to have our first day of co op. Yet I knowingly was behind on some "tasks" "due" today or before. So, I was feeling a bit ashamed and insecure. If I'm honest, feeling rather incapable also. Raising four precious lives to know, trust and walk with God through their own journey is a big under taking. I do not for a moment take the responsibility lightly or without acknowledgement of the privilege and weight it brings. And sometimes, some days, it all just compounds and I feel "the weight of the world on my shoulders". But I try to trudge along. Picking up my weak and needy feet off the floor and foraging forward.
Today I was reminded of my desperation. My desperation for a God who walks WITH ME in my inadequacies and failures and in my weaknesses and struggles; He walks with me through IT ALL! I was reminded of the importance to cry out to Him! I love the song and proverb that go:
Lean not on your own understanding in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight... Don't worry about tomorrow, He's got it under control. Just trust in The Lord with all of your heart and He will carry you through!
This morning at co-op the woman in charge of co-op's prayer room shared the vision of trying to fly a kite on our own without wind. She shared how the little child may be very excited and may run and throw the kite high into the air expecting it to soar. Yet without the wind it goes only so far. But on a day with great wind the kite can fly and soar and go above all we've expected. Our day without the Holy Spirits help and guidance is much like a day trying to fly a kite without wind. We may be able to accomplish some, but when we invite the Holy Spirit to help He guides and supplies the flight/strength and ABLE-ity to our day! He is ABLE! This vision struck me also because the woman who shared it lost her husband in a sudden farming accident last year and now raises and homeschools her children "alone". But she has a Help, the Holy Spirit! I shed a few tears and again was reminded by My Helper-The Holy Spirit to NOT go it alone but to rely upon Him!
He is ABLE!
I pray that if you're reading this today and feeling like your kite is just too heavy or you just can't go it alone, that you know you don't have to! Invite Him in! He LONGS to go with you on this journey!
Love,
Abi
Some days I can feel so alone. Some days I can feel so inadequate, incapable, insecure. Feelings shift and change day to day, moment to moment. I'm thankful my feelings change. I'm thankful for being a creation made to experience different emotions, thoughts, feelings. Yet, managing my thoughts, feelings and emotions in a godly way is often a task that feels too high a call; too steep a climb.
I was excited and happy to have our first day of co op. Yet I knowingly was behind on some "tasks" "due" today or before. So, I was feeling a bit ashamed and insecure. If I'm honest, feeling rather incapable also. Raising four precious lives to know, trust and walk with God through their own journey is a big under taking. I do not for a moment take the responsibility lightly or without acknowledgement of the privilege and weight it brings. And sometimes, some days, it all just compounds and I feel "the weight of the world on my shoulders". But I try to trudge along. Picking up my weak and needy feet off the floor and foraging forward.
Today I was reminded of my desperation. My desperation for a God who walks WITH ME in my inadequacies and failures and in my weaknesses and struggles; He walks with me through IT ALL! I was reminded of the importance to cry out to Him! I love the song and proverb that go:
Lean not on your own understanding in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight... Don't worry about tomorrow, He's got it under control. Just trust in The Lord with all of your heart and He will carry you through!
This morning at co-op the woman in charge of co-op's prayer room shared the vision of trying to fly a kite on our own without wind. She shared how the little child may be very excited and may run and throw the kite high into the air expecting it to soar. Yet without the wind it goes only so far. But on a day with great wind the kite can fly and soar and go above all we've expected. Our day without the Holy Spirits help and guidance is much like a day trying to fly a kite without wind. We may be able to accomplish some, but when we invite the Holy Spirit to help He guides and supplies the flight/strength and ABLE-ity to our day! He is ABLE! This vision struck me also because the woman who shared it lost her husband in a sudden farming accident last year and now raises and homeschools her children "alone". But she has a Help, the Holy Spirit! I shed a few tears and again was reminded by My Helper-The Holy Spirit to NOT go it alone but to rely upon Him!
He is ABLE!
I pray that if you're reading this today and feeling like your kite is just too heavy or you just can't go it alone, that you know you don't have to! Invite Him in! He LONGS to go with you on this journey!
Love,
Abi
Thursday, August 20, 2015
A Lesson In Faith and Hope
This blog post has been a long time coming.
Awhile ago Joeby and I were going on a "date"... As we drove away from the house, he looked up at the dvd player in the van (which had been known to us as "broken" for awhile now) and he said, "Mommy, lets watch a movie!" So, I told him, "Buddy, don't you remember, that has been broken for awhile now." He quickly responded, "I know Mom, but Jesus can heal it!"
My initial response was both shock and pride. My son's faith was strong and right on! Jesus could heal it!
So, without hesitation I said, "You know what Buddy, you're right! And Jesus loves when we have great faith and He works mightily when we step out in faith so let's pray together for Jesus to touch our dvd player." *mind you, this is not the first time we have prayed over "silly little" issues with our car in particular and we have seen amazing miracles in even the *silly little* things. My initial thought was, "Hey maybe God is using this as a time to show Himself to my son as he has such faith in His power!"
But, this time as we finished praying and I opened the dvd player up and put in a dvd there was no change.
Blank screen and blank faces.
This reminded me of a valuable life lesson.
What do we do when our God "fails" us or in the very least, "fails" to answer our requests?
Faith in our circumstances will almost always let us down and leave us with questions.
Faith in our God will always leave us with hope and filled with trust and joy and peace.
Sometimes faith is grown, tested and shown most in the circumstances when we have seen the least "answered" prayer. It is not always the times when we've seen the most miraculous happen, but when we have seen the least happening and still we hold unswervingly to the faith we have in Christ.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
The most extreme example of this I've experienced in my own life has been when we lost Joeli. I feel sometimes like I'm always talking about her, but she has truly taught me so much I can't help but talk about the many things I have learned and ways I have grown through that time in my life. Anyway, when we found out we had lost her I remember being wheeled down that dark somber hospital hall and I felt bad for the nurse, because I didn't know if it would be awkward or not but everything in within my heart and soul was crying out to speak to God out loud in this dark time. So I asked her, "Do you mind if I pray out loud?" She said no and so I began just laying everything before God. I remember telling Him I knew He could even resurrect Joeli if He saw fit, but that I would trust Him and that ultimately I knew she was His and He has a plan even in this most difficult time. I told Him I would trust Him no matter what and my faith would not end in who He is and what He is able to do. Through that time my faith grew in unimaginable ways. I developed a fervor and boldness for the Lord. I grew in ways I know could have been accomplished outside of losing my daughter, but because of this time in my life and my desperate need and longing for Christs hope and truth I grew much.
Sometimes the miracle is miraculous healing, and other times the miracle is holding on to our faith even when the miracle does not happen. I would argue, the greatest miracle is a deepening faith in the One who holds our very heartbeat in His grasp!
And so, as all this was running through my mind I used this time as a life lesson for my sweet faith-filled son. I told him how sometimes God answers our prayers and sometimes He does not. But, He never changes and He is faithful to us and knows what is best for us and He loves us! So, when we face times of unanswered prayer, we can keep crying out to Him for miracles, but we can also trust Him when the miraculous does not yet happen that He is working on our behalf. And, we can lean in closer to Him for a deepening faith.
And in telling my son these truths, it reminded my own heart to be aware. What am I putting my hope and faith in?
God, or circumstances?
So today, I want to ask you the same question friend. What are you putting your hope and faith in; God, or your circumstances?
Much love,
Abi
Awhile ago Joeby and I were going on a "date"... As we drove away from the house, he looked up at the dvd player in the van (which had been known to us as "broken" for awhile now) and he said, "Mommy, lets watch a movie!" So, I told him, "Buddy, don't you remember, that has been broken for awhile now." He quickly responded, "I know Mom, but Jesus can heal it!"
My initial response was both shock and pride. My son's faith was strong and right on! Jesus could heal it!
So, without hesitation I said, "You know what Buddy, you're right! And Jesus loves when we have great faith and He works mightily when we step out in faith so let's pray together for Jesus to touch our dvd player." *mind you, this is not the first time we have prayed over "silly little" issues with our car in particular and we have seen amazing miracles in even the *silly little* things. My initial thought was, "Hey maybe God is using this as a time to show Himself to my son as he has such faith in His power!"
But, this time as we finished praying and I opened the dvd player up and put in a dvd there was no change.
Blank screen and blank faces.
This reminded me of a valuable life lesson.
What do we do when our God "fails" us or in the very least, "fails" to answer our requests?
Faith in our circumstances will almost always let us down and leave us with questions.
Faith in our God will always leave us with hope and filled with trust and joy and peace.
Sometimes faith is grown, tested and shown most in the circumstances when we have seen the least "answered" prayer. It is not always the times when we've seen the most miraculous happen, but when we have seen the least happening and still we hold unswervingly to the faith we have in Christ.
Hebrews 10:23New Living Translation (NLT)
23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.
or this version
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
The most extreme example of this I've experienced in my own life has been when we lost Joeli. I feel sometimes like I'm always talking about her, but she has truly taught me so much I can't help but talk about the many things I have learned and ways I have grown through that time in my life. Anyway, when we found out we had lost her I remember being wheeled down that dark somber hospital hall and I felt bad for the nurse, because I didn't know if it would be awkward or not but everything in within my heart and soul was crying out to speak to God out loud in this dark time. So I asked her, "Do you mind if I pray out loud?" She said no and so I began just laying everything before God. I remember telling Him I knew He could even resurrect Joeli if He saw fit, but that I would trust Him and that ultimately I knew she was His and He has a plan even in this most difficult time. I told Him I would trust Him no matter what and my faith would not end in who He is and what He is able to do. Through that time my faith grew in unimaginable ways. I developed a fervor and boldness for the Lord. I grew in ways I know could have been accomplished outside of losing my daughter, but because of this time in my life and my desperate need and longing for Christs hope and truth I grew much.
Sometimes the miracle is miraculous healing, and other times the miracle is holding on to our faith even when the miracle does not happen. I would argue, the greatest miracle is a deepening faith in the One who holds our very heartbeat in His grasp!
And so, as all this was running through my mind I used this time as a life lesson for my sweet faith-filled son. I told him how sometimes God answers our prayers and sometimes He does not. But, He never changes and He is faithful to us and knows what is best for us and He loves us! So, when we face times of unanswered prayer, we can keep crying out to Him for miracles, but we can also trust Him when the miraculous does not yet happen that He is working on our behalf. And, we can lean in closer to Him for a deepening faith.
And in telling my son these truths, it reminded my own heart to be aware. What am I putting my hope and faith in?
God, or circumstances?
So today, I want to ask you the same question friend. What are you putting your hope and faith in; God, or your circumstances?
Much love,
Abi
Saturday, August 8, 2015
T.O.H toh toh a word from God on perspective and vision
Tonight on my run I had a lot of time to quiet my thoughts and listen for God. It's one big reason I LOVE running. At about 1/2 into the 10 mile run I saw a banner that said
T.O.H
Toh
Toh
in descending order. At the third toh my brain kicked into backwards mode and computed that what I was seeing was actually a banner from the wrong perspective... From the right direction it would have read
H.O.T
Hot
Hot
Makes a lot more sense now doesn't it? At about 3/4 into my run I was still asking God to speak to my heart and write something on my "blank slate". That's when He spoke to my heart...
When we don't look at His laws from the right perspective we can't make sense of Him or what and why He may be saying it. His word and His laws may seem confusing or no longer relevant to our society... But I would ask, are we looking at things from the right perspective? Maybe we need to ask God to help us adjust the way we are looking at things so we can see from His perspective tonight.
After God spoke, I started thanking Him for opening my eyes and giving my heart vision to see what He is saying to me. And don't you know the next moment I was clasping my eye as the tiniest gnat flew in and clouded my view and made it difficult to even take the next step let alone finish my "race"...
It immediately reminded me to stay humble and immediately reminded me of the scripture, "you were running a good race who cut in on you?!" Before when I would think about that verse I always envisioned like a big obstacle or person of much distraction and persuasion cutting in on me and keeping me from "finishing my race". Yet tonight I was reminded that more often than not, it is actually the inconspicuous tiny gnats that "cut in on us" and keep us from running a good race.
So God said don't let it take for you to get to the final word Toh for you to finally see truth the way I see it.
And God said, girl you better keep seeking Me, keep Running after me, keep Searching for my truth and humbly checking your vision that you understand my ways my words my heart from MY perspective and NOT your own!
It's funny but when God talks to me I often hear Him talking like a gal pal would... Hence the "GIRL you better";) line ha
Check your vision, ask God tonight, God what may I be looking at from my human limited perspective and need your help adjusting my sight and perspective on so that I can see truth clearly from Your way? Humble my heart and help me lean info You above my own understanding. Thank you for who you are and I trust and hope in You alone! In Jesus name amen!
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