If I Am Honest

If I Am Honest 

If I'm honest with myself, I make assumptions too. 

If I'm honest, I hurt people unintentionally too. 

If I'm honest, I yell and say things I wish I had not. 

If I'm honest, I fail. 

If I'm honest, I make mistakes. 

If I'm honest, I am impatient, rude, self-seeking, dishonest (though I pride myself on this being one I don't do often ha ha), unkind, envious, boastful (oops should I retract my last parenthesis?! Ha ha), I keep track of each wrong sometimes and struggle with letting go and not remembering (although it's somehow easy to forget so much else, like where I lost my car keys or my cell phone), sometimes I'm pretty easily angered (especially per time of the month-which I've been blessed to avoid for years now thanks to my good friend- "Nursing")...

And then hmm, always perseverant?! When it comes to marriage-love one has to decide to persevere... But is friendship different? Not
if we don't want it to last a lifetime. But, if like our marriages, we want it to last a lifetime, than we HAVE to make the choice to persevere through ALL circumstances. 

After my previous post on friendship pain several people reached out to me expressing very similar situations and pain when their best friendship was severed. 

That leaves me wondering, what are the most common building blocks of healthy relationship we are removing from one another that in turn cause a friendship to deteriorate? 

It also leaves me wondering how much of the friendship losses are mutual or how many are one person making the final choice to remove all possibilities of building or rebuilding a healthy relationship? 

So this morning I had one revelation after another... First it began with my own assumption gone wrong... 

First, let me backtrack. Yesterday Pastor Scott spoke about what he called, "dancing with the new woman" or essentially, staying in step
with the Holy Spirit. Staying in step with the Holy Spirit requires a quiet communion with Christ at all times. It requires a spiritual sensitivity to promptings, words, callings. And lastly, it requires a purposeful communion with God through reading His Holy Word! 

When I am doing those things and staying in step with the Holy Spirit I hear Him whisper when I am out of step... And I hear Him whisper to take steps... And I hear Him whisper to take breaks... And I hear Him whisper insights about Himself and also about myself!

Scott also spoke about how the Christian life is not only difficult, but impossible. That's the grace of God! He knows we cannot attain every Holy standard, but He loves when we humbly and intentionally seek walking in step with the Holy Spirit for help toward walking in His ways! 

If I am honest, sometimes life feels like a series of fiery messes. So I have to ask myself, what am I running toward? Hopefully, I am running toward good things and God! 

This leads me to this morning... 

After making an assumption of my sweet hubby, I quickly realized I had been wrong and had to apologize for assuming. Immediately that whisper started with humbling me and reminding me that I make assumptions too. 

When we apologize it is so important to remember that a genuine apology should not contain:

Blame shifting

The word BUT 

Or explanations 

A true apology should contain simply the recognition for where one went wrong. Taking a true apology a step further might even be the ability to say, "I'm going to work on that about myself!"

Then this morning as we are cleaning, the kids are watching Veggie tales and this conversation happens...

Bob: Ya wanna know what really hurts? 

Larry: When you stub your toe? That hurts like the dickens! 

Bob: No! What really hurts is when someone says they're you're friend but they don't treat you like you're their friend. 

Wow can someone say God is speaking?! 

But, here's the problem. It takes BOTH people in the relationship being willing to admit their imperfections, struggles and failures AND BOTH people being willing to truly walk out Godly forgiveness and toward restoring all the building blocks to a healthy and lasting relationship! 

So, here I am in the midst of so much heartache lately... 

First, the hurts of much heartache and disappointment within a lifelong friendship. Next, a frightful situation with someone who had become a family friend over the past three years, only to have her become extremely hostile toward me. Then in the midst of all that to have some extremely painful situations arise causing me to ask questions that are unbelievably painful and difficult. It has left me in a months time feeling very raw and broken. And yet in the midst of all the brokenness, God has, as He always is, been more faithful than ever before. I've been woken up at 5 am unable to sleep because of deep heartache and questions and concerns and as I literally begged Him to speak to me (as I've felt I needed to hear His voice more than I've ever needed to in my entire life) He has led me directly to scripture that not only soothed the soul, but encourages and built faith and spoke directly to that situation I am facing. Then I almost was in an accident and again I simply said, "God what do you want to speak to me in this?" And His Holy Spirit IMMEDIATELY spoke 

The exact word of comfort and hope He knew my soul needed! And again, I slept and He gave me a prophetic dream very very specifically to the situation weighing on me so much that when I awoke there was not a single shred of doubt that it was a direct word from the Lord for my spirit to give me peace, strength and hope facing this circumstance that feels much like drowning... 

He is a good good Father! He is so merciful and loving to me! He chooses to speak to my heart and believe the best in me even when I am the farthest from deserving. HIS great love and grace are what compels me to offer that same love and grace time and time again to others in my life who've let me down... Because time and time again, though I've let Him down and failed His perfect ways, He is so good to me! 

Who in your life deserves the kind of love and grace God has extended? A spouse? A friend? A parent? A child? A leader? A boss? A co-worker? 

Blessings as we go and walk in step with the Spirit today, living with intention and making the most of every eternal interaction! 

-Abi