Struggle...Battle...Wage War

Struggle...Battle...Wage War.

We all struggle. But do you see it as a battle? Do you wage war against your struggle or do you let it strangle you? I know at times I sit back and let it war me when I desperately need, instead, to strap on my armor and fight.

Talk about a struggle.

We all struggle. Each of us face a battle. But some of us have yet to confront the Goliath, to head-on face the enemy. Mostly because we haven't even identified it or acknowledged it as a battle.

What is yours? If you don't know, I would encourage you to spend today asking God to reveal to your heart what it is that He has strength to help you overcome. In that way you can take your stand and wage war against it. It's Biblical to ask God to examine your heart.

 Psalm 26:1-3 (NIV)¹ Vindicate me, Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord and have not faltered. ² Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; ³ for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.

I happen to know mine pretty well, too well most times.

It's something I recognize in myself and I have been working on ways to overcome over the years. But it's tough. It's such a struggle for me.

Anxiety.

Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

I know what God's Word, my guide, leads me to do.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

But it's so tough to do that. There have been several times, when quite honestly, my anxiety was absolutely and very literally paralyzing. In college it was so bad. A lot of the anxiety that wars me comes from my intense desire to do things/be "perfect". Grades, tests, papers it all had to be perfect...but of course it wasn't. So, that is where much of my panic came from in college. I wanted and tried so hard to get just the right grades and do everything perfect and when it didn't show I felt very panicked. If I were being perfectly honest I would tell you I feel kinda anxious even writing this because I'm sharing a deep and embarrassing battle for me and I don't like not having it all together or being "perfect" or as close to it as I feel I can possibly be. But who does/is? Why do I hold myself to such unreachable standards, goals and perceptions?  I could share more horror stories from my said anxiety issue but I'll spare myself the embarrassment and you the belief of my sheer insanity:) 

Psalm 139:23
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

I have I guess what they would call "Generalized Anxiety Disorder". Although I've never been "diagnosed". Aside from a text message from my now "counselor hubby". Sheesh, am I really admitting I have an anxiety disorder? I don't know, I sure don't want to say I am admitting it. It's hard to admit something is real because once you admit it then you are kind of forced to FACE it. Face the giant. Face the fear. Face the humiliation. Face the imperfection. Face the "failure". Face the possible scrutiny or judgement. I've never taken medication for my "symptoms". I've not really been under any therapy for it throughout my life. Although I often think about making medication or counseling a regular part of my life I just don't do it. I don't really know why other than my heartfelt belief in God and trying and working at being reliant upon God and His word and prayer. I take my life one day at a time and especially after losing Joeli I have realized that I often have to even take it one moment at a time. I've been working on giving myself a lot more grace. I tend to extend an awful lot of grace to my friends and family but not too much to myself.

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

When I examine myself I think maybe that's why I just adore children the way I do. There's little to no fear of not measuring up to their "standards and expectations". Yet some of the anxiety I face is internal. It comes from no real source and is simply a feeling of heaviness and difficulty to breathe sometimes. It can come and go unexpectedly and once it rests on me it's hard to throw it off. I've learned different coping mechanisms for myself over the years that "help" or "lesson the severity" of my symptoms. Some of those techniques are singing and worshipping God, meditating on His Word and on His love for me despite my flaws, failures and imperfections, running, and breathing in very deep and slowly. I've also recently taken to "war-ing" this enemy. When I feel it coming on I try to be vigilant and catch it right away and cleanse and break the thoughts and feelings before they infect me.

No matter how I face this giant though, I know that it gives me an amazing amount of grace on others who struggle. I wish I had all the answers and I wish I didn't battle this issue. But, I do. So, I can sit and pretend I don't or I can face it and continue to work on overcoming it. Maybe I'll be "working on overcoming" it for the rest of my life but you can darn well rest assured I will not stop war-ing this freakin enemy till he's dead and gone. There are so many other "enemies" in this life that I have learned one thing for sure over the past several years of my life. I NEED others surrounding me and supporting me and loving me through my struggles and praying for me in my battles as much as others NEED me too! So, I guess my desire in sharing all this embarrassing information with the world wide web is to say that it's OK to struggle. But let's battle against the struggle together!

Galatians 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Ephesians 6:10
 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.


Much love, many prayers and hope in Christ,

Love,
Abers