Journal entry 2/08/2015

For years now journal entries have contained my conversations with God about what He has called and created me to be.

This day was different though.

Almost exactly a year ago now God spoke.

In a new way.

2/08/15

I've let fear lead me for so long. Today Sean and I discussed career dreams again. But, it always raises my anxiety to a high level. I feel defeated and like a failure before I've even tried. I've already been living out my dream of being a wife and a mom. If I view my goal and dream of Midwifery step by step, year by year, class by class, semester by semester, exam and assignment at a time I just mah be successful and able to accomplish the BSN and onto Midwifery Doctorate. One day I may look back on this journal entry and this choice of view shift as a pivotal moment to me living out my dreams, passions and callings.
Sean's belief in me is a backbone of faith and encouragement. What a blessing to have such a supportive partner in life and dreams!


As we discussed this choice we chose to wait until the Summer of 2016 for the kids to be a bit more ready for me to spend more time away. They are still my number one dream and blessing and responsibility. I am believing God will continue to mold me into the woman He has created me to be. I'm so excited as I step out in faith in these big ways for what He has planned for my life! I'm still scared. But as they say, "do it afraid"! I love how God gave me a strong passion and desire for seeing families whole and healthy and understanding child growth and development. And that He led me to Early Childhood Education and Bible as my first Degree. I love how He melts all our passions and dreams into one beautiful picture.

As I was at a beautiful worship event this summer a word was spoken over me. I will cherish it as sacred and continue pursuing all that God has called me to in creating a CD and the books He is speaking into my heart and using them as teaching opportunities. Taking it very seriously as teachers are held accountable for all they lead others into... My heart will cry out Truth always! Even when my voice shakes. Even when it hurts. And always in full knowledge of the great grace my soul has been offered--oh what a joyous reason to rejoice--I was lost, I am weak, I am a weary sinner but His hand is greater still and in His hands I am set free! Praise God!

So go on, don't let fear hold you back any longer! Go pursue your dreams! It is, after all, HIM, who places them within us. He wants to see us pursue and create and be all He has called us to be and accomplish!

All glory to God!

Thanking His voice for speaking to me!

-Abi