How do I feel about Joeli’s birth day?
Six years. Six years seems so long ago that I sat five months pregnant with our second child,
completely devastated, in disbelief and barely able to breath, staring at a lifeless ultrasound screen. But, when I think about that night it feels like it’s only a breath away
from me and steals my breath all the same.
Life doesn't always work out the way we pray, hope or wish. When I look at our family picture, it still feels it’s
missing our Joeli. That doesn’t go away. And, time hasn’t healed the wound left
in her absence. But, something very important has happened in these past six
years. It’s something that doesn’t devastate me, but instead it brings me hope
and a sense of peace. Peace, however, is something that I’ve learned doesn’t
mean “healed’ or “whole” or even “a state of acceptance”, but instead, means a
trust and a faith that remains despite all else being shaken and moved. Peace
that is like a River, a rushing, often crushing or twisting or winding River. A
river doesn’t always make sense or take the same easily gently flowing path. It
is MOVING and changing and real and active. That is the peace I’ve found. And, the important thing that has happened over
these past six years is that God has been with me through it all. He has led me
closer to His heart. He has heard my prayers. He has brought me opportunity to
share about His great love and grace through Joeli Grace. And my hope and I
believe a calling on our family is that through our experience with her deeply painful
loss we have and take the opportunity to walk alongside and encourage even one
other couple facing a similar loss. I do believe, by God's grace, we have been able to do this. And to me, more than anything else, I see my precious
daughters life and through these past six years I can do nothing more than thank God that I too, have been changed
by her life. God is with us when life isn't going the way we planned. When we can't feel Him we must make a choice to believe in this promise anyway!
Shortly before I became pregnant with Joeli a prayer of mine
was that God would open doors for me to be bold in sharing about His great love.
I was asking Him to give me more opportunity to share about Him with others. I
journaled about this and looking back can see God using Joeli’s life as an answer
to that prayer. Her life and loss have opened the doors for so many people to
hear about God’s love and His plan for our lives. She emboldened me. When I think of that I can
smile because I believe she has truly touched so many lives in her short time
with us. I can’t help but be so grateful to be the mom of such a beautiful
blessing to this world!
I can smile, but I won’t lie, I also have done a lot of
crying over the past six years when I think of her life cut short. We wish she
was here! I wish she could be one of the older sisters in this crazy big messy
goofy family fighting for a turn to hold our little Jemma. I wish she was
blowing out six candles on her cake. I wish I was kissing her goodnight along
with our other children. But, I am at peace (the kind I’ve found) and I truly
believe with all of my heart she is with her Maker and oh how that makes my
heart long for my true Home in Heaven one day.
She has led me closer to Him! She has made Heaven more near
to my heart! She has changed this world because of her presence here! All of
these are things I hope for my other children, as well. I hope they lead others
closer to Him, I know they have already given me glimpses of the Fathers love
like nothing else on earth could, and I hope they change this world for His
glory! Because of her amazing brother and sisters, I feel her here sometimes. I
see her smile in theirs. I can almost hear her laughter in their giggles. And I
like to think of her smiling down on us knowing one day we’ll all be together glorifying
our Maker hand in hand.
I have a couple requests of YOU for her Birth day this year.
If your life has been touched by Joeli would you please take the opportunity to
share the simple words, “God loves you!” with someone on January 30th?
Maybe even share those simple words with six people in honor of her sixth…
Maybe even take the time to tell someone God has a special plan for their life
and tell them that a little girl named Joeli has touched you even before she
breathed her first and so you KNOW God has great plans for their life too! How
special would that be that YOU can be a part of God’s plan for her life too and
share about His awesome gift of love and eternal LIFE?! It would bless and
encourage our hearts so much to know that her story and her life are still
touching others! SO, if you take the opportunity to do that please please share
with us! And lastly, please say a prayer for us on the 30th
especially, as we remember her this year.
Thanks for considering joining us in remembering her life
and legacy in this meaningful way this year for her 6th! We haven’t been
on this journey alone. Along the way many encouraging and supportive friends
and family have helped us stand when we felt incapable and walk when we were
crippled and rest when we were weary. For those of you who continue to
encourage us and also remember her with us, for those of you who openly speak
about her life not just her loss and what it has meant to you…THANK YOU doesn’t
even touch how grateful we are for YOU!
Happy 6th Birthday Joeli Grace Dougherty!
~Abi Dougherty
“We miss you every day and we miss you in every
way. But we know there’s a day when we will see you, we will see you!”
-Watermark
No comments:
Post a Comment