TakeAways From The Weekend To Remember

I wanted to share some key takeaways from our time at the Weekend To Remember. So, here goes:

Difficulties will challenge your resourcefulness, not your commitment to your marriage. Difficulty should lead to the question, “What did we learn?” Have a plan in place to move through difficulties without rejecting or withdrawing from your spouse.

Communicate emotions with emotions and facts with facts. Adjust your communication style to your spouse's. Levels of communication:


1. Non-sharing

2. Sharing what you know

3. Sharing what you think

4. Sharing what you feel

5. Sharing who you ARE. Complete transparency


Trust is a barrier to increasing levels of communication. If you or your spouse are low in the levels ask the question, " What is causing the barrier or lack of trust?!" Past hurts, current depth of relationship, broken trust etc...

Listen with acceptance and understanding. Proverbs 24:3 By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. Most communication (55%) is non-verbal... carefully chosen words/body language are the best way to express thoughts, feelings and desires. Prov 10:19, 15:23.

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!

Oneness reflects the character and unity of the Godhead. There is beauty in the differences-don’t try to change your spouse. The differences we possess compliment each other like well coordinated colors. The contrast brings out the beauty. Companionship is developed by driving your relationship deep into God’s Word and prayer first! Our differences are not hindrances to achieving God’s purposes in our marriage! Marriage's purpose to make us HOLY, not HAPPY!

We will always be under spiritual warfare because our unity and oneness reflect a divine Creation and Calling of God—so how are we armed and ready for battle? Eph 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

PRAYER and the WORD are KEY to being ARMED! Proclaim and declare truth despite feelings!

Becoming a helper fit for my spouse is a WORK of God! Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

God does the work! So lean into Him for this help and work! When we KNOW God it helps us to trust Him and His provision of our spouse to us and us to them!


To truly experience oneness in marriage we must first experience the power that comes from oneness with God!

I can’t say enough how much this resonates with me—unite with God first (the Word and Prayer) to experience deeper connection with my spouse! C.S. Lewis said, “There are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it.” Oneness with God should be motivated by a desire for RELATIONSHIP! Same with our spouse, seeking oneness out of a desire to know and be known! The Holy Spirit is our Helper to developing an ongoing relationship with God.


We grow by:

1. Reading and studying the Word
2. Praying... Be a woman of prayer!
3. Becoming active in a church that teaches the Bible
4. Spending time with other Christians in successive mentorship relationships
5. Understanding the ministry of the Holy Spirit. John 14:26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

Conflict: Is inevitable within any human relationship... But, if it is the state of our relationship=

STOP IT or get some help! Choose your battles carefully-it is to your honor and Gods glory to overlook small offenses. Proverbs 19:11 In conflict, prayer first seeks God’s wisdom, then helps us seek understanding with our spouse and lastly gives God the place of resolving and helping heal the offense.

Be a spouse who actively brings a blessing in marriage!

A wise woman embraces God’s design for her home. Helper is a title of value and worth... God even uses this term Helper to describe Himself and the Holy Spirit. It is not a lowly or menial place, but a place of great power, value and dignity!


CHEER him on! We cheer for our team whether or not it’s making big wins, we cheer with HOPE and EXPECTATION and COMMITMENT! Be his biggest fan! Respect demonstrates LOVE to my spouse! We often think of love as unconditional, but respect as something that is earned. Yet to a man, respect demonstrates love, so with this in mind I can choose to demonstrate respect to show my unconditional love. Respect him by not questioning him in front of the children. Intentionally encourage him, catch him doing good and point it out! (A concept effective in parenting too!) Submission is mutual and first to God then one to another. Like a dance, to remain in step we must be yielded to one another in trust. Resist the urge to be critical.

Effective parenting communicates and instills family values!! So years ago Sean and I wrote up our top five core family values. Though we have functioned from them, we have not taken time or opportunity to instill, instruct or Biblically stand on these values with our kids knowing, learning and working on them with us regularly. So, we spent time last night as a family discussing qualities and character traits we DO NOT LIKE... that led us into the qualities and character traits we WANT to see and live in this home!





Effective parenting focuses on a relationship with God-knowing and being known by Him is a first priority! That is done by Reading and Studying the Word and through Prayer! Oswald Chambers said, “Prayer does not equip us for greater works— prayer is the greater work. ” Prayer models dependence on and submission to God! Pray their sin is found out because exposed sin can be confronted, hidden sin can grow. Exposed sin offers opportunities to rely on the working Grace of God! Rules without relationship cause rebellion. Allow for “do overs”, knowing you will make parenting mistakes... little steps lead to big change! Do not parent from emotion!

Steps to a thriving oneness in marriage: Be willing to work on ME first! Be involved in a church teaching the Bible! Find and establish accountability and successive mentoring relationships (Be a mentor and be mentored). Identify and practice God's Biblical principles! Develop oneness with God through studying His Word and Praying FIRST! Speak with honor and respect! Pray and study the Word together daily! Live by Family Values!

Final takaway: HAVE MORE ROOM SERVICE 😄🙂🙂

New Year, New Goals

Each new year for the past five years we take time as a family to sit and discuss goals individual and family goals for the coming year. It’s so important to take time to truly reflect on the past year, the ups and the downs, the accomplishments and the failures, the trials and the triumphs.

This past week, as I sat with God on what He has for me this coming year I felt Him saying this is a year of paths. There are two paths we can take in this life; one is broad and leads to destruction. The other is narrow and leads to LIFE! I felt God asking me to follow Him onto the path of LIFE! Not just the eternal sense of that passage, but the very minute and small moment to moment sense of the passage. I felt Him asking me to be conscious of choosing my path wisely in the mundane and in the moments. See, each decision we make, whether large or small, steers us into one of those paths. When we are rude, unfaithful, faithless, say or think things that aren’t praise worthy, when we become harsh and hard hearted, when we choose in small ways to leave the narrow way over time we carve out ruts that lead us deeper into a path that has led us into sin or at the very least a path of lesser good and lesser value to our good.

I want God to take the reigns and lead my life. That is going to mean taking every opportunity and every circumstance as a chance to CHOOSE!

I choose which path I am walking down and not just in the eternal sense, but also in the moments. I want to choose the path of LIFE-abundant life!

So I want to leave you with the same question I asked my kids and husband last night...

What goal do you have for 2019? In what ways will you choose the narrow path this year?

May we choose our path eternally as well as making the most of every opportunity too!

Blessings,

Abi

Embracing An Unhappy Christian Life

It's blaring everywhere like a big blinking Los Angelos billboard...

"Do whatever makes you happy!"

"Find what feels good"

"If it feels good, do it!"

Unfortunately, doing the right thing is not always what "feels good". In fact, more often, doing the right thing is what feels hard and scary and self-emptying. Doing the right thing is often unhappy, particucarly in the short term. Sometimes, well, almost every time, doing the right thing most often means thinking not about how I feel, but instead, about the well-being and best interest of others. Ironically, when we put others (Especially our spouse and our impressionable vulnerable children) first we can often see through an unskewed lense that we are actually making life better not just for those we love, but for us as well, when we choose to live selflessly instead of selfishly.

This relates to so SO many aspects of Christian living. But for now, lets focus in on one main point.

Marriage.

So, before we dive in, please ask for clarity on any points you wish. Know that I do not believe anyone should remain bound in abusive situations. Seek God first on His heart for your specific situation, then seek Godly counsel next.

Believe me when I say my own marriage has seen seasons of Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. We have seen many seasons of broken and many of fulfillment, seasons of richer (well, lets be honest, we really haven't seen many of those yet HA ha) and poor, seasons of appreciation and of defeat, seasons of love and cherish and ones of dishonor, seasons of sickness and seasons of health. Vows are no longer looked at as sacred. They are trivial. They are taken lightly, even in jest. Those we hold dear no longer hold us to our vows, instead they come alongside us and hold us to the standard of HAPPINESS.

I almost think, instead of the husband and wife needing to take vows at wedding ceremonies we need to start holding vows for our attendees. These sessions could be similar to the kind of weight a court of law would somberly bring to the sole witness on the day of their best friend's trial. The kind of weight that comes with that feeling of knowing you need to be willing and ready to SPEAK THE TRUTH no matter what.

No matter if it hurts your friend.

No matter if it will be hard.

No matter if they "like" it or you afterward or not.

But, along with the weight of our family and friends needing to SPEAK truth, is the weight of our hearts needing to be surrendered and submitted to RECIEVING that truth no matter if it hurts, is hard or if we like it or not. When the hard times in marriage come, we will NEED those truth bringers in our lives. The ones who are selflessly willing to risk their "friendship" with us and possibly wound us, our pride or our disrupt our path, in order to hopefully help redirect and guide us onto God's path for us.

Maybe a key component of marriage then, is the heart of reconciliation.

We will make mistakes, big and small, and we need one another to be able and desiring and embodying a heart of reconcilation that says, "Always and forever, no matter what"!

There will be many unhappy moments in a marriage, because there are also many unhappy moments in life. And, because we are all flawed human beings. But, if we choose to embrace Gods truth and God's character and choose to grow and develop it within our own hearts and seek to spur it and pray it on into our spouses life as well, we will see our love grow into something that truly truly makes us not only HAPPY, but HOLY as well! As our love and dedication to God, His Word and honoring the holy vows we took grows, so too will our love and dedication to our spouse and honoring our vows to God, them and before "these witnesses".

As Rick Warren says, "Marriage is NOT about our happiness, but about our HOLINESS!"

So, in conclusion, today, don't choose for yourself what makes you happy. It's temporary. It's fleeting. It won't be worth it. You WILL be sacrifcing something to gain something lesser. SPEAK TRUTH and encourage your own heart and your friends hearts to be seeking HOLINESS over happiness every single time! Embrace the short seasons of unhappy for the longterm gain of a choice well made. Embrace the "over the long haul", hard, right choices and do all it takes to work toward remaining faithful or reconciling to being faithful to your holy vows! Don't encourage your friends to do what makes them happy! Be willing to embrace an unhappy Christian life in the short term, for what treasures you can build, develop and mature in choosing to be true to your vows!

It's SO worth it!

Running backwards... a Word from God.

God asked me to share this word along with the action of physically running my race backwards. He showed me I was to run six minutes forward and two minutes backwards and alternate throughout the race. He said: 

There are many in the faith right now running their race in backwards ways. 

Disobedient

Selfish 

Slanderers

Selfish

Filled with hatred 

Homosexuality

Adultery

Lies

Filthy language

Lust

Hatred

Evil desires

Greed

Idolatry 

Envy

And malice 

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

Galatians 5:19-21 NLT

http://bible.com/116/gal.5.19-21.nlt

He wants an athlete running the race so as to win the prize. With their eyes set on the prize and victory! Willing to endure scorn for the victory! 

“But you, Timothy, are a man of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.”

1 Timothy 6:11 NLT

http://bible.com/116/1ti.6.11.nlto

We cannot win a race running backwards. 

We are more vulnerable to injury running backwards. 

We are more vulnerable to face fear running backwards.

Our vision is hindered running backwards.

The passage God wants highlighted for the purpose of His Word in this is: 

“Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew.

And he said, “Yes, go, and say to this people, ‘Listen carefully, but do not understand. Watch closely, but learn nothing.’”

Isaiah 6:2, 9 NLT

God said there will be many who hear this word and see this action but learn nothing and understand nothing. 

DON’T BE OF THE LATTER. See and learn, listen and receive! Our God is HOLY HOLY HOLY! This is what the seraphim are saying... this is what running the straight path, forward facing, eyes set on the prize, not looking to the right or to the left, this is what we are saying when we do this! We are declaring with our hearts and with our feet and with our mind Holy Holy Holy! 

This is a matter of the HEART! 

“And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on him— the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.”

Isaiah 11:2 NLT

http://bible.com/116/isa.11.2.nlt

“He will delight in obeying the Lord. He will not judge by appearance nor make a decision based on hearsay.”

Isaiah 11:3 NLT

http://bible.com/116/isa.11.3.nlt

A prophecy of Jesus, our leader, our ultimate example. One who delights in obedience, One who has a Spirit of all wisdom, understanding, knowledge and fear of the Lord, right decision making and judging. 

Under the influence of this Spirt we will reproduce His fruit...

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”

Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

http://bible.com/116/gal.5.22-23.nlt

Rather than fruit coming from our flesh and running our own race our own wayward and backward ways... 

“You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth?”

Galatians 5:7 NLT

http://bible.com/116/gal.5.7.nlt

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

Galatians 5:19-21 NLT

http://bible.com/116/gal.5.19-21.nlt

Run your race so as to win the prize! 

God, I give this race to You. I will run this race to glorify You and fulfil the call of the Word you have placed upon my heart. You are filled with unending love for your children. Like a loving shepherd you tenderly care for your sheep. We all like sheep have gone astray, but like the tender happy father of the prodigal, how you welcome us back with joy and celebration! You are longing for our embrace! Help us run to You! And run in your path! Protected! Filled! Fueled! Give your people passion for you and pursuit of you! In Jesus name! Amen!  

You may have louder cheers running backwards but that’s doesn’t make it easier or right... even short sidetracks running backwards take from the forward race, the energy and strength is robbed when you’ve spent any time at all running backwards. It feels very lonely running the race backwards. 

God is breaking my heart so many are running this race backwards 

So many are running this way missing out seeing unclear. 

His LOVE, like gravity, has got to be what pulls hearts and turns hearts back around! His GREAT LOVE! 

“How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world.”

Psalms 31:19 NLT

http://bible.com/116/psa.31.19.nlt

“See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.”

1 John 3:1 NASB

http://bible.com/100/1jn.3.1.nasb

The Lord is calling and has called us from a wayward path not out of punishment but out of LOVE! He is saying CHILD COME HOME! 

“For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”

Proverbs 3:12 NASB

http://bible.com/100/pro.3.12.nasb

We need that spiritual force like gravity pulling us in like the prodigal son’s fathers embrace! 

“So Jesus told them this story: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’”

Luke 15:3-6 NLT

http://bible.com/116/luk.15.3-6.nlt

“I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’ “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.

We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’””

Luke 15:18-20, 32 NLT

http://bible.com/116/luk.15.18-20,32.nlt

God the Father is saying, “It is not too late! You are not too far gone! CHILD COME HOME!” 

Paul

Today I am reminded of Paul. A man who, in the worlds eyes was a murderer, scary and zealous. Yet, this very man, a sinner, was SOUGHT by God and APPROACHED by JESUS!

We could ask WHY? What on earth did Paul “do” to deserve a visitation from Jesus Himself and forgiveness for His heinous crimes against followers of Christ? He “did” nothing to deserve this great  honor. He simply was pursued by Gods love and will.

God has pursued me, as He did Paul. In my sin, in my zeal apart from Him He shows me grace and leads me into service to and surrender to Him and His call. There is no life outside of serving Christ. Paul understood this.

What a blessing to be reminded today of the truth that a man, so far from God, was sought out and literally approached by JESUS! The reminder that our God is worth surrendering it all for! Our God is in the business of seeking us out, even when we are, in mans eyes, far from Him...

God, draw my heart closer still to You! I want to know You more! I want to be sought by You! I want to have intimate encounters with Jesus! Pursue me! Seek me! Let me be surrendered to Your service! In Jesus name, amen!

It’s All Whose?

There are never times I am more thankful for the husband I have been given then when it comes to times I am needing discernment and wisdom. Sean has a gift of both. He isn’t much for emotions, but he is great with wisdom to navigate them well and through the corrective lense of Gods truth! Always pointing me back to God and challenging my heart.

I’m so thankful for the godly leadership he consistently provides our home and family and my heart!

Taking time to reflect and share my heart tonight gave him the opportunity to help me navigate what I’m wrestling.

The question is, so the Bible says Job admitted the LORD gave and the LORD took away. But the Bible also says the enemy steals, kills and destroys. So who is it that takes away? The LORD? Or the enemy?

“Great question”, so said hubs.

Then he went on to talk me through the numerous times God did take away.

Hard to talk about, right?!

He took out entire armies, people who disregarded His law, men and women who dishonored His name and power. And yes, He even took David’s son, a child, because of his fathers sin.

So, God does take away.

The next question that led Sean to was, “So does He have the right to do that?”

Ultimately, the answer is yes. God is the Creator. He has the right.

Then Sean went into discussing our children and Joeli and how ultimately our kids are Gods, not ours. They are only being lent to us on “borrow”.

 “This is why it’s so important to treat them well.” Sean said.

If our children and my niece and nephew and our families and all our possessions and blessings are ultimately His to do with as He sees fit, to accomplish His purposes in and through, we ought to love open palmed. Living lives surrendered to the will, the call, the purposes and plans of the Creator.

That is a really hard place to be, especially when it comes to things that are good and don’t seem to serve much of a “greater good” in losing... like a mother in laws health, who has great faith and is a giver and full of love and kindness... and like a nephew who had the opportunity for an entire life that could have been a living testimony of answered prayers and faith... and like my daughter who had her whole life taken before we could even raise her.

It’s hard.

But it is, they are ALL HIS.

I admit it with my heart God.

They’re all Yours. Help me walk open fisted even with the most precious blessings You’ve ever given me undeservedly. My Joeli. My nephew, Jason. My family and our future.

It’s all Yours.

♥️

Bless Us In Our Brokenness

Once again, God spoke to my heart in just the way I needed. He does see me and hear me and know me.

As a family we have been reading through Genesis for our nightly family devotion time. Last night happened to be chapter 29. The story of Jacob and Rachel... and Leah. Leah, feeling broken, barren and hurting, and in that broken state, God had compassion on her plight and blessed her.

My own words in the side notes were what struck me most... 

When God speaks to our hearts using our own words to remind us of things He has already spoken to our hearts... 

Have you ever been there? 

God loves to bless us in our brokenness and barren state.  

and,

God

Yes, God, is the One who gives life. But what about the taking?

“He gives and takes away blessed be the name of the Lord” some of the hardest lyrics to sing after we lost Joeli. Do I really believe that? Do I really want to sing that? I do believe He is the giver of life. But it’s much easier to believe the enemy is the taker of life. And that’s what I have come to believe through scripture that says it is the thief who came to steal, kill and destroy... but Job said the LORD gave and the LORD took away. 

Job 1:20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    and naked I will depart.[c]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
    may the name of the Lord be praised.”

22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

So, is it the LORD or is it the enemy? I think I’m wrestling with this because I want it to be the enemy so that I can get really angry and blame him, rather than it be God and have to wrestle through my anger and figure it out between God and I. 

2 Samuel 6:6 gives an example of Gods wrath, but what about my nephew, my daughter, babies? They have not incited the LORD to wrath! Why would we think God has taken them? 

6 When they came to the threshing floor of Nakon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. 7 The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down, and he died there beside the ark of God.

8 Then David was angry because the Lord’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah, and to this day that place is called Perez Uzzah.[e]

9 David was afraid of the Lord that day and said, “How can the ark of the Lord ever come to me?”

DAVID WAS ANGRY! 

It doesn’t specifically say he was angry AT the LORD, but it does say he was angry and scared enough to not want to take the ark to his house. So my assumption is he was angry at and scared of the LORD. The thing that’s quite amazing about David, and quite possibly why the LORD says he is a man after God’s own heart, is that even through things as traumatic and terrible as losing your friend at the hand of God Almighty, David still danced before the LORD, praised Him, obeyed Him, and was willing to make a spectacle of himself in doing so! And only just verses after being ANGRY!

So I wonder, how did David move from being angry at and scared of God, to being willling to obey and worship Him and even make a spectacle of himself in doing so? 

David was open with God and sought after Him through every emotion, every up and down, every heartache and fear and all the unknowns. He sought God and he was determined to repent and keep seeking Him when necessary too. 

God, I want to be like David. But I am angry. I am questioning why. I am hurting and broken. I will keep choosing to seek You in the hurt, I won’t turn away. I just wish I understood more. This is why I cried out to you after losing Joeli for even just 

GLIMPSES 

Of what You are doing! I think I need this again! My heart and flesh are weak. Yes, my spirit is willing, oh God. But why?! Why couldn’t Jason and Joeli be made well? I may never fully understand Your plans, I know that. But would you please give my heart even glimpses of what you are doing in this season of brokenness of also seeing my mother in law suffer so?! I need to know You are in this! Please keep reassuring me. I’m sorry I’m so weak and hurt right now. Please comfort my family and my heart and please send angels to protect my sweet little niece and grow her strong and healthy and that she could come home soon! Like the passage I read the night before I found out Jason had the LUTO condition, we are clinging to You and wrestling with You. I'm going to wrestle with you for the blessing. Leah did not have to wreslte. Do I need to? I feel like I am wrestling with You right now whether I need to or not. Help my mind to understand and accept what my heart already believes-that You are worthy of my praise and honor whether I understand if you took away or if the enemy takes... Do I have to understand every question I have in order to continue to follow You and believe You are worthy of my praise and of my heart? 

No.

But I wish I did even if I never do, I will choose to keep praising you like the song says

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

In Jesus name, Amen.