Truly, what is love?

Truly, what is love?

To most, love is offered after finding something worth "loving". It is offered in part, because of a selfish motive. That is, to love someone or something completely "lovable", with the desire to find joy in receiving that same "love" in return... or, if nothing else, simply loving for the sake of the joy in giving to someone/something worthy.

Today I have several friends who want to "give up". I too, have wanted to "give up". But, I'm so grateful for the true friends and truth bringers in my life who continued in prayer and encouragement in the biggest commitment in my life here and now, my marriage. Because, without those people in my life, I may have still been seeking the aforementioned desire to seek only after offering love when it is "deserved".

Don't get me wrong, love should be fully offered and especially offered to those who "deserve" it and are completely lovable and sweet...

But, "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" Matthew 5:46

In a marriage it gets tough. It's not always sweet wine and chocolate and kisses in the sun. There are times where love is like war. But, as the song says, it's not, BUT it is, I will say again IT IS something worth fighting for!!!!

Just want to share with you some of my day:

Today, I was exhausted. Sean has off for Labor Day and we planned to go to visit my in-laws until Joeby started acting very sickly suddenly on Friday afternoon. He hadn't eaten breakfast at all but I thought it was teething since he had run a slight fever Thursday, and off and on he only ate a little. Anyway, it ends up the poor guy has tonsillitis and probable strep throat... He was up so much last night drinking fluids, and thank God for that because he barely ate or drank anything all day Friday. If he wasn't drinking fluids he was screaming and wailing around. Around what I think was three thirty Sades comes in the room and basically trys to lay on top of me. I tell her she's got to lay at my feet because Joeby was already beside me wrangling me up every ten minutes or so. But then I couldn't sleep because I kept worrying she would fall out of bed or that I would kick her. Then, at six AM Seana was awake and standing by my feet asking if she could watch the dog video. Needless to say, I was so exhausted, but I got out of bed because Joeby was then wide awake asking for a "pop" (freezie).
Now, I will share my thoughts...

Sean, sleeps in until around 8.
(He works extra hours at work and does Grad work for another Master degree and works PT as a counselor AND on top of all that he serves at the church...but I could easily overlook all that and selfishly want my morning to sleep in too, after all , it is the only morning I could sleep in too/either)

Sean gets on the computer, and while I ask him something, he is clearly too "busy" to even acknowledge my presence, let alone my question to him.
(I snap and say some pretty rude things instead of calmly and rationally explaining how his choice to ignore my question and my presence makes me feel and think.)

Sean mentions us maybe, "taking turns" napping today so that we can each get a nap. While I'm laying Joeby down he goes to catch a nap. I don't get my turn, but then again, I didn't ask for it either. And I don't think he napped long...
(I could have mulled over everything I did and how tired I am today without remembering that during the week when I need help during the night he almost always is able and willing and still goes to a full day of work and is not at home to catch even a short nap or rest break while the kids have naps and quiet time)

Sean offers to make a run to the store for something a couple of us in the house need. I think I fully explain that I wanted a lot of it. He comes home with what I believe to be the tiniest container of it that Walmart must sell, literally. Really?! And then I look on the counter and see the juice sitting out of the fridge.
(OK, now, going on little sleep I'm about to snap... I feel the urge to start counting off in my head the list of things I'm frustrated and angry about...)

BUT, instead of all the negative things about to burst forth into an angry Creed-type song in my head regarding all the frustrations I feel... I suddenly remember why the juice is out of the fridge.

It was left out because when Sean got home from the store he heard Joeby in the room screaming while I was trying desperately to get him to sleep and he realized he didn't have his juice/pedialyte cup and poured it and asked Seana to bring it back to me. I didn't even ask him to do that. He just heard the screaming and thought of how to help. And there I was, being angry that he TRIED.

See LOVE is not about loving because everything is perfect. It's not about loving because everything always is done to perfection or just the way I want or just the way I think it should be done. It's not about loving because I am always satisfied or contented. It's not about me.

It's not about loving the perfect one, it's about loving the imperfect one perfectly. I think that's a quote ;)

Well, close anyway, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Sam Keen

All that to say, I pray that tomorrow, as you approach the new day, that you will choose to look at your spouse, your children, your friend, your unkind co-worker, your annoying sister/brother, your nagging parent, and maybe even your enemy in a way that sees them as the imperfect person they are, but worth loving all the same. I pray that you choose to see life through a new lens, and their behavior, choices, and words in a new perspective. I pray that if you are struggling in your marriage that you reach out for help and support but that you don't give up-ever! I pray that if your spouse needs help that you walk beside them and pray for them to seek and desire that help. I pray that you know I'm here to listen, talk and pray.

LOVE IS WORTH fighting for!!!!!!

Just remember the question, "Truly what is love?". Choose to LOVE in truth, by putting action behind the words you have spoken and the words He has spoken over us:
Ephesians 5:2
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
2 John 1:6
And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.


Two great books I highly recommend:
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
And for him:
Samson and the Pirate Monk by Nate Larkin

Please also know that not all marriages come with the little irritations and I know that all too well after watching dear family and friends suffer horrible pain in their marriages with partners who treated them with little to no dignity and broke every promise and vow ever taken. These situations can only be worked through by miraculous grace of God and by His hand upon each heart involved. It is a very individual thing to work through devastating marriage issues and my prayer if you are in that situation is that you would seek professional help, support and guidance and that you would ultimately continue seeking God.

May His love be in and through all the "love" relationships we walk out in this here and now.
~Abi