The Blue Playdoh Lid and Sin

Recently life has felt a bit crazy. It's that long winter feel- illness after illness affecting child after child and Sean and myself. So, that leads me to the blue Play-doh lid. Sometime last week (oh how embarrassing it is to admit the length of time this has gone on) as the kids were running rampant destroying, I mean playing throughout the house, they had Play-doh out. In the mix of that, somewhere along the lines a blue lid was left astray, alone, ignored and mostly unnoticed on the living room floor . Ironically, or maybe better said, ashamedly, I've even swept and swifer'd the floors and yet pushed the lid aside and simply swept around it. (Totally lazy, I'll admit it!) But I'm tired. I'm sick of being sick and cleaning up after sickness and bathing sickness and laundering mess after mess. Maybe someone else would see it and pick it up? Maybe it was so small and insignificant it didn't really deserve my attention or the work it took to be rid of it. After all, my joints were aching and I didn't feel like feeling the hurt to bend down and pick up the blue lid (or maybe it is white?! Now that I know I can't see the correct dress color maybe every white I see is truly blue and every blue I see is truly white?! But that's altogether another blog post.).

This week as I ponder several of those dearest to me struggling with deep and intense addictions, struggles, weights, and my own weights and sin, I consider the body builder. His chief desire is growth, strength, ability beyond common and power unmatched. While he lifts, the muscles tear. This tearing is what creates the deeper growth. It hurts. It aches. There are moments that thrill and moments that disappoint. Moments that feel like the pain and struggle and work is too much; accomplishments feel impossible, or maybe unreachable, unattainable. But little by little, small right step by small right step (thanks Jason Mitchell for the planting seeds talk) he can accomplish something so big. We too can embrace the process, the work and toil and labor-expecting the great growth and accomplishment we know will come as the payoff to not giving up. Or, we can soil the soil with defeat and self doubt, laziness, weakness and unwillingness-whatever it is that is exactly allowing that "blue Play-doh lid" to sit there in our lives unmoved, un-worked, un-thrown off, un-rid of. (I know that's totally not a word!)

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

So, back to the blue Play-doh lid. It still sits on my floor, by the way, as I write. (I'm most certainly going to go pick it up and throw it away-where it surely belongs at this point-after I finish writing these thoughts) But anyway, to me, this lid represents our sin, our struggles, our destructive behavior choices, that small seed of bitterness, those idle words that seem small but are eating away at your marriage, your self worth, and those lies that are robbing your family of trust etc... Left unattended, ignored, and alone, lazily we walk on and we neglect those ugly little buggers that just create messes in our "house". We may not even notice them, we may "feel better" ignoring them, we may feel too weak to address them, we may even want someone else to clean up for us. But nonetheless, we can't deny the mess they make.

When we choose to lift those weights, little by little, time after time, we'll be amazed, we'll be proud, and we'll stand stronger and more aware of our beauty and ability than ever before. When we do the "work" it takes to clean up and get rid of the small blue Play-doh lids in our lives.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

Embrace the process of pruning, ripening, tilling, and be joyful and excited in the process that will lead you to the fruit of your labor!

Much love and prayers,
Abi

My Exodus prayer...

The more I read in Exodus the more I am amazed at the thought,

--What exactly made Moses Gods man?--

And 

--What exactly made the Israelites Gods people?--

He was broken, he often felt weak and inadequate of flesh and heart, he questioned his ability, he even got angry and lost his temper at times... 

They were weak and easily led astray, yet "stiff necked" and stubborn also, they grumbled and complained, they doubted and faltered, they were chained physically and in many other ways, as well-emotionally, mentally, spiritually-they were captives.

Mess after mess-yet, they were chosen by God. They were favored, he was called, they were His chosen! 

I long for God to lead me out of my chains. Out of captivity, into freedom; for His favor to rest on me, though I know I am undeserving. 

The Exodus-meaning-the journey... From captivity into freedom... I am gaining  vision to see the areas the enemy has captured me for many years. God is opening my eyes to see so that I can pray and be more aware to this prowling lions attack--no longer will I be his easy prey. So, in my weak messy state today, I find myself asking God humbly... 

God would you please rest your favor upon me? I know I am but dust, weak and faltering. Yet I know your greatness can overshadow my weakness and empower me to be your woman. God, may You be glorified in me! Lead me by your merciful hand and forgive me in my failures and  sins. Keep me from the tempter and strengthen my weak and feeble heart to stand victorious in any battle I may face.  You know I've purposed to invite you into my emotions this year and you've seen me struggle. Please shine your glory into my heart, mind, emotions and life and lead me victorious! Be my victory Jesus-God!  

In Jesus name I pray, amen! 

Family values

Years ago, as a couple, we chose to create a list of our top five personal values and then develop a list of our top five family values. This was an idea we got from a parenting quote from Dr. Dobson. From our individual lists we created this list:

1. Love God (loving God creates a desire within to grow in virtues)
2. Love others (loving others develops patience)
3. Respect yourself and others (recognizing your value to Christ helps us respect ourselves)
4. Speak with gentleness (controlling our tongue starts in our hearts)
5. Forgive (forgiveness develops a non-judgemental, merciful character)

These are our core values that we hope to both live by and also teach to our children in word and deed. 

May we live in the light of His love and may that in turn challenge and direct every step of our way. 

Much love, 

Abi

2015 Goals

When I reflected on 2014 and looked ahead to 2015 there were several categories I personally wanted to be introspective and reflective in. Seven to be precise.

1. Spiritual
2. Emotional
3. Health
4. Relational
5. Financial
6. Mental
7. Family/personal

Spiritual: read through a physical copy of The Bible so that I can be more able to digest, memorize and highlight specific passages. To speak Gods truth without fear of consequence-to be a truth teller even in the tough stuff. To speak, sing, and live His praise so that He dwells/inhabits every aspect of my life-my moving, my breathing.

Emotional: to invite God into my emotional being. Whether anger, fear, hurt, sadness or unrest. To develop in myself a godly emotional response to daily life. To care for my personal health concerns, to drink more water, eat more fish. To run 6 miles each week, if possible every Sunday morning.

Relational: to work on the ways I show love to Sean. Caring for our marriage. And in friendships, to not create or believe lies or assume negatives, but to stop negative or destructive thought patterns and replace them with life and hope and affirmations.

Financial: to plan menu/meals ahead more often. To grocery budget from assessing where we fell last year. To be more knowledgeable and more involved. To save money and pay down debt. To give. To share. To help others. To help us by finding ways to continue to create wealth for our household-"providing clothes even for the servants". To use April as our FASTING and PRAYER month to create wealth in simplicity with meals (rice and beans for a week/no lunch for a day etc...) so that we can have extra for giving and also to develop a hunger for Christ and developing a deeper relationship with Him

Mental: to once a month plan a quiet space of complete solitude~a mental break from the "noise" of life. One hour a month, the last Sunday of every month from 4:30-5:30 a.m. to spend time "being blank"-- a canvas for God to write on or simply for me to open myself to hearing His still small voice in the future.

Family/Personal: to create physical picture albums of every electronically/digitally stored album. To help the kids memorize scripture one verse a month and pray more often. To yell less as a family. For the kids we will do three pennies a day in a jar each yell they must take a penny out of the jar. When we save enough pennies we get to grab a special family treat out. For Sean and I we will work on replacing this negative behavior with a positive choice to whisper and draw close to talk instead. To play more family games-every first Friday of the month we will spend time playing games as a family. To read more books-every Wednesday is choose a book to read night. To decongest from media (movies, tv, iPad, phones) the last Saturday of every month will be media-less. To continue working on my dreams of publishing books and creating my own C.D. Because I/we have SO MANY family/personal goals for 2015 we will focus on more reading and less yelling and hope to also accomplish these other goals along the way as well but not pressuring ourselves to just resting in Christ to lead us in the abilitity to accomplish this year all that HE wants for our family!

My hope in sharing my heart and goals would be to help YOU, whoever you are (I'd love to hear from you-by the way-since I don't know who takes the time to read my blog these days) to be introspective, reflective and intentional about how we are choosing to spend our days.

Much love, 

Abi

Reaching Isreal-her Calcutta

My lovely little sis has felt a call to Isreal! She's been a world traveling missionary off and on now since her early teen years. Most recently her heart has been in the Homeland, where many of Jesus' first footprints lay beneath the dust and time. So many of His people are blinded to truth and her heart is to minister His love, hope and truth to His Homeland! She will be working closely with women and girls who are willingly (and lawfully since it is not against the law in Isreal)  prostituting themselves and/or are being trafficked. 
I don't share a lot about her personal story because I know it's hers and not mine. However, as her older sister there are many memories I have of a time in her own life when her pain was deep and her wounds could not be reasoned--see her husband chose to verbally abuse and treat her so harshly she literally collapsed on my living room floor in sobs. She fought for her marriage until he made it clear he would not. She knows the bitterness of betrayal and she knows the heartache of verbal abuse and neglect. Her arms are such a strong place for the women of Isreal to find strength, comfort and hope! And THIS is what she longs to be, what she longs to do! 

So, would you be so amazing as to consider donating to support the Homeland of Christ Jesus ministry she longs to do! Would you consider partnering in changing lives for Christ in Isreal alongside my sister Rebekah?! Even a small partnership financially will be another step closer to her reaching her goal to be able to serve God and others in this capacity! She has said of Isreal and this ministry that it is HER Calcutta.

I want to thank you all so SO much for considering helping financially and I would like to URGE you to consider PRAYERFULLY partnering with her, as she commits herself to serving! 

Friends, family, thank you SO MUCH! If you'd like more information please feel free to contact myself or my sister, Rebekah!  

With the hope of reaching Isreal for Christ Jesus, 
Abi

A Little Old... 11/09/2012

Testament;)

Lately as I read through the Old Testament God has been revealing to me His great power, His faithfulness in fulfulling His covenants, and His plan.

Did you ever wonder why God does certain things the way He does?

I do.

I wonder particularly when He does things, or allows things that hurt, things that take time, things that are confusing...

Like why would God harden pharaoh's heart? It would seem it was hard enough as it was.

As I spend time studying God's Word, though, I find that His Spirit speaks to my heart individually and personally on questions I have. I also find that many of the answers I am seeking are right there in front of me if i will simply take the time to immerse myself, to dive in, to develop positive habits, to press in to His truths, and into Him.

Do you think you've been waiting a long time to see God answer your prayers? They are NOT prayed in vain! Did you know that the Isrealites were in bondage, chains, slavery for 430 YEARS, FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY YEARS? Wow, and I felt likeMY prayers take a long time to answer...

Prayer has got to be done with the heart and attitude of Christ Jesus. This is a daily, sometimes moment to moment, surrender for me, and probably for most of us. I ask God for big BIG things. And I believe He can do them! Yet, I surrender MY time-frame, MY hopes, MY desires, MY will, MY very life if He ask it of me, to take up and walk out HIS PLAN and HIS PURPOSE.

When have I seen this most in my own life? When I was faced with the uncertainty of what was happening in our second pregnancy. As the Doctors told us they could not find a heartbeat at five months pregnant, neither my husband nor I wanted to believe this could be true. I sat in that cold dark delivery room, even after they confirmed to us the reality that our baby had died and I cried out in loud prayer and I begged God for a miracle. I told Him I KNEW His hand could resurrect her if He so chose. I told Him I knew she would be raised to love and serve Him. I told Him I would praise His name and tell others of His resurrection power. But God had different plans.

God had different plans!

His plan was not that.

I also finished my prayer by submitting myself to His plan, and I tried my best, through my humanity and mothers heart, to trust that He had a plan and would indeed bless us and give us a hope for our future still. And I trusted in HIS resurrection of Christ and His power over life and death and ULTIMATELY, I trusted His plan and purpose for the life, no matter how short, of our daughter.

He has not shown me His exact plans, yet He has revealed to me in glimpses His great purpose for our beautiful little Joeli Grace's life. He continues to bless my heart through opportunities to minister, to encourage and to walk alongside other families suffering this great tragic loss. And He continues to use the testimony of His great love and resurrection power through the life and what I truly believe was part of Joeli's purpose to embolden me to have grace and strength to share about the great love of Christ. I know I am by far not a worthy "example" of His gospel of love and faithfulness because i am utterly failed and flawed as an individual and still make mistakes I wish I did not to this day in my thought-life in my daily life and in my heart...but may I be an example of His deep and abiding grace, I pray so!

God, give us each a boldness, a faith and a hope that is unwavering as we learn to pray in faith and believe in faith and walk in faith! 

Give us an insatiable desire for more of your Words! Help our hearts to long for spending individual and personal time hearing Your voice!

In JESUS Name,

Amen

Get in that little Old Testament today :)

Imagine And Speak Words That Bring Life, Beginning and Hope To Your Challenges 11/23/1012

Imagine everything you feel is impossible suddenly being possible... Imagine that instead of speaking words that bring death, end, or hopelessness like these, "that will never change", "that's impossible", "it's hopeless", "I can't", "that's just too difficult" INSTEAD you began speaking words that bring LIFE, BEGINNING and HOPE like, "With the help of God ALL things are possible in Jesus' Name", "There is HOPE in the Name of Christ", "I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me strength", "Nothing is impossible with God". Imagine that you continued trying even after each "failure". Imagine that you exhausted all the options before "giving up and giving in". Imagine that for every "lost cause" you gave them another chance and another chance and yet another. Imagine that for every circumstance that feels like an insurmountable cliff to overcome that you kept walking in the direction that FACES the challenge rather than RETREATS from it. Imagine.

Now, imagine you also asked even just two or three of your closest friends to uplift you during the climb...to walk alongside you, or to help carry you through, or to pray you to the summit. Imagine and begin speaking words in your heart and mind that powerfully bring hope, beginning and life! YOU can overcome that obstacle that feels too heavy to bear with the help, support, prayer and love of others. YOU CAN walk this good path that seems lonely and difficult, especially with the love, encouragement and truth others can bring to you through it.

Speak LIFE words to yourself and SEEK others who will do likewise as they walk alongside you through this challenge!

Friend, YOU can! Friend, God can, when you feel you can't. Friend, together, WE can! :)

Matthew 17:20He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will beimpossible for you.”