I wanted to share some key takeaways from our time at the Weekend To Remember. So, here goes:
Difficulties will challenge your resourcefulness, not your commitment to your marriage. Difficulty should lead to the question, “What did we learn?” Have a plan in place to move through difficulties without rejecting or withdrawing from your spouse.
Communicate emotions with emotions and facts with facts. Adjust your communication style to your spouse's. Levels of communication:
1. Non-sharing
2. Sharing what you know
3. Sharing what you think
4. Sharing what you feel
5. Sharing who you ARE. Complete transparency
Trust is a barrier to increasing levels of communication. If you or your spouse are low in the levels ask the question, " What is causing the barrier or lack of trust?!" Past hurts, current depth of relationship, broken trust etc...
Listen with acceptance and understanding. Proverbs 24:3 By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. Most communication (55%) is non-verbal... carefully chosen words/body language are the best way to express thoughts, feelings and desires. Prov 10:19, 15:23.
Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!
Oneness reflects the character and unity of the Godhead. There is beauty in the differences-don’t try to change your spouse. The differences we possess compliment each other like well coordinated colors. The contrast brings out the beauty. Companionship is developed by driving your relationship deep into God’s Word and prayer first! Our differences are not hindrances to achieving God’s purposes in our marriage! Marriage's purpose to make us HOLY, not HAPPY!
We will always be under spiritual warfare because our unity and oneness reflect a divine Creation and Calling of God—so how are we armed and ready for battle? Eph 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
PRAYER and the WORD are KEY to being ARMED! Proclaim and declare truth despite feelings!
Becoming a helper fit for my spouse is a WORK of God! Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
God does the work! So lean into Him for this help and work! When we KNOW God it helps us to trust Him and His provision of our spouse to us and us to them!
To truly experience oneness in marriage we must first experience the power that comes from oneness with God!
I can’t say enough how much this resonates with me—unite with God first (the Word and Prayer) to experience deeper connection with my spouse! C.S. Lewis said, “There are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it.” Oneness with God should be motivated by a desire for RELATIONSHIP! Same with our spouse, seeking oneness out of a desire to know and be known! The Holy Spirit is our Helper to developing an ongoing relationship with God.
We grow by:
Conflict: Is inevitable within any human relationship... But, if it is the state of our relationship=
We will always be under spiritual warfare because our unity and oneness reflect a divine Creation and Calling of God—so how are we armed and ready for battle? Eph 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
PRAYER and the WORD are KEY to being ARMED! Proclaim and declare truth despite feelings!
Becoming a helper fit for my spouse is a WORK of God! Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
God does the work! So lean into Him for this help and work! When we KNOW God it helps us to trust Him and His provision of our spouse to us and us to them!
To truly experience oneness in marriage we must first experience the power that comes from oneness with God!
I can’t say enough how much this resonates with me—unite with God first (the Word and Prayer) to experience deeper connection with my spouse! C.S. Lewis said, “There are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it.” Oneness with God should be motivated by a desire for RELATIONSHIP! Same with our spouse, seeking oneness out of a desire to know and be known! The Holy Spirit is our Helper to developing an ongoing relationship with God.
We grow by:
- Reading and studying the Word
- Praying... Be a woman of prayer!
- Becoming active in a church that teaches the Bible
- Spending time with other Christians in successive mentorship relationships
- Understanding the ministry of the Holy Spirit. John 14:26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
Conflict: Is inevitable within any human relationship... But, if it is the state of our relationship=
STOP IT or get some help! Choose your battles carefully-it is to your honor and Gods glory to overlook small offenses. Proverbs 19:11 In conflict, prayer first seeks God’s wisdom, then helps us seek understanding with our spouse and lastly gives God the place of resolving and helping heal the offense.
Be a spouse who actively brings a blessing in marriage!
A wise woman embraces God’s design for her home. Helper is a title of value and worth... God even uses this term Helper to describe Himself and the Holy Spirit. It is not a lowly or menial place, but a place of great power, value and dignity!
CHEER him on! We cheer for our team whether or not it’s making big wins, we cheer with HOPE and EXPECTATION and COMMITMENT! Be his biggest fan! Respect demonstrates LOVE to my spouse! We often think of love as unconditional, but respect as something that is earned. Yet to a man, respect demonstrates love, so with this in mind I can choose to demonstrate respect to show my unconditional love. Respect him by not questioning him in front of the children. Intentionally encourage him, catch him doing good and point it out! (A concept effective in parenting too!) Submission is mutual and first to God then one to another. Like a dance, to remain in step we must be yielded to one another in trust. Resist the urge to be critical.
Effective parenting communicates and instills family values!! So years ago Sean and I wrote up our top five core family values. Though we have functioned from them, we have not taken time or opportunity to instill, instruct or Biblically stand on these values with our kids knowing, learning and working on them with us regularly. So, we spent time last night as a family discussing qualities and character traits we DO NOT LIKE... that led us into the qualities and character traits we WANT to see and live in this home!
Effective parenting focuses on a relationship with God-knowing and being known by Him is a first priority! That is done by Reading and Studying the Word and through Prayer! Oswald Chambers said, “Prayer does not equip us for greater works— prayer is the greater work. ” Prayer models dependence on and submission to God! Pray their sin is found out because exposed sin can be confronted, hidden sin can grow. Exposed sin offers opportunities to rely on the working Grace of God! Rules without relationship cause rebellion. Allow for “do overs”, knowing you will make parenting mistakes... little steps lead to big change! Do not parent from emotion!
Steps to a thriving oneness in marriage: Be willing to work on ME first! Be involved in a church teaching the Bible! Find and establish accountability and successive mentoring relationships (Be a mentor and be mentored). Identify and practice God's Biblical principles! Develop oneness with God through studying His Word and Praying FIRST! Speak with honor and respect! Pray and study the Word together daily! Live by Family Values!
Final takaway: HAVE MORE ROOM SERVICE 😄🙂🙂
Be a spouse who actively brings a blessing in marriage!
A wise woman embraces God’s design for her home. Helper is a title of value and worth... God even uses this term Helper to describe Himself and the Holy Spirit. It is not a lowly or menial place, but a place of great power, value and dignity!
CHEER him on! We cheer for our team whether or not it’s making big wins, we cheer with HOPE and EXPECTATION and COMMITMENT! Be his biggest fan! Respect demonstrates LOVE to my spouse! We often think of love as unconditional, but respect as something that is earned. Yet to a man, respect demonstrates love, so with this in mind I can choose to demonstrate respect to show my unconditional love. Respect him by not questioning him in front of the children. Intentionally encourage him, catch him doing good and point it out! (A concept effective in parenting too!) Submission is mutual and first to God then one to another. Like a dance, to remain in step we must be yielded to one another in trust. Resist the urge to be critical.
Effective parenting communicates and instills family values!! So years ago Sean and I wrote up our top five core family values. Though we have functioned from them, we have not taken time or opportunity to instill, instruct or Biblically stand on these values with our kids knowing, learning and working on them with us regularly. So, we spent time last night as a family discussing qualities and character traits we DO NOT LIKE... that led us into the qualities and character traits we WANT to see and live in this home!
Effective parenting focuses on a relationship with God-knowing and being known by Him is a first priority! That is done by Reading and Studying the Word and through Prayer! Oswald Chambers said, “Prayer does not equip us for greater works— prayer is the greater work. ” Prayer models dependence on and submission to God! Pray their sin is found out because exposed sin can be confronted, hidden sin can grow. Exposed sin offers opportunities to rely on the working Grace of God! Rules without relationship cause rebellion. Allow for “do overs”, knowing you will make parenting mistakes... little steps lead to big change! Do not parent from emotion!
Steps to a thriving oneness in marriage: Be willing to work on ME first! Be involved in a church teaching the Bible! Find and establish accountability and successive mentoring relationships (Be a mentor and be mentored). Identify and practice God's Biblical principles! Develop oneness with God through studying His Word and Praying FIRST! Speak with honor and respect! Pray and study the Word together daily! Live by Family Values!
Final takaway: HAVE MORE ROOM SERVICE 😄🙂🙂
